Women who have been cheated on.

A study reported by Fox News that was conducted by Binghamton University and the University of London reported that women who have been cheated on can do better in the long run if they have gotten over their anger and plus if they have learned better life skills and learned how to be treated.

Trouble in Paradise: Dr. Bonnie Provides Antidote for Illicit ‘Cheat Retreat’

Dr. Bonnie responds to the most shocking cheating strategy in the works since Ashley Madison with her ground-breaking solution to “cure” infidelity. 

Recently, news of a “cheat retreat” hit the wires outlining Illicit Encounters’ latest business plan to build a “sex island” off the U.K. coast where spouses can go to carry out their secret affairs and effectively get away with it. The Island offers their guests guaranteed secrecy with a wide range of professional services to help guests cover their tracks. This new practice of adultery takes scandal and deception to the next level and Dr. Bonnie has something big to say about it.

“The development of an institutional practice encouraging cheaters to ‘hideaway’ with even more lying and faking should be a major wakeup call. It’s a fundamental change in the way we’re thinking about relationships and love, and we need to understand the root cause of this phenomenon in order to fix it. Only 35 percent of couples stay together when adultery occurs…and it does not have to be that way. Getting rid of a person does not get rid of the problem,” says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, renowned relationship therapist and author of Adultery the Forgivable Sin and Make Up, Don’t Breakup.

Her theory biochemical craving for connection explains adultery as a method of self-medication due to a blood sugar and brain chemical imbalance. During times of loss, separation, or stress, these imbalances are amplified and, if not treated, cause behaviors like addiction and adultery for temporary relief. Dr. Bonnie asserts that with the appropriate psychotherapy, which includes her revolutionary “smart heart dialogue,” we can reverse and correct the imbalances driving this destructive, thrill-seeking behavior.

Check out Dr. Bonnie’s expertise highlighted on the Discovery Health Channel:

Sign up for Dr. Bonnie’s my Ed2Go course on adultery prevention: marriage and relationships: keys to success here: http://www.ed2go.com/online-courses/marriage-and-relationships

Time to Tackle Your Relationship During Superbowl

tmp_8342-photo998636950Instead of allowing the final football game of the season to drive a wedge in a relationship, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil suggest couples use the superbowl to get close and cuddle with your partner to “touchdown” together using attachment skills. “Half time is the perfect time to re-connect sexually and make the game that much more interesting,” she advises.

Couples should keep in mind that sex is the best if there’s a positive all-around experience so be sure to cook or purchase favorite foods and snacks to have on hand during the game. “Many couples watch the game together,” notes Dr. Bonnie, “and this is the perfect time to add in sex during half time.” Endorphins are running high during football games, especially when favorite teams are playing – so Dr. Bonnie suggests putting those endorphins to good use. This heightened endorphin level encourages the sizzle and passion that comes with great sex.

Even for couples that won’t be watching the game together, it’s helpful to create a fun atmosphere. Often women are the ones who choose not to watch the game, and they may resent their husband’s decision to do so. Instead of letting football drive a wedge in the relationship, use it as an opportunity to create a positive experience for both people. Women not watching the game can encourage their husband to have a good time without them, with an understanding that there will be couple time later, or the wife will have some free time to spend doing something she enjoys. If a woman’s husband realizes that she’s stretching to be a football fan, he’s going to want to stretch for her in other areas.

In either case, the use the Superbowl to create a space where both people end up happy and fulfilled, instead of engaged in a power struggle.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is a private practice NYC Psychotherapist. She counsels couples, singles, adults and children worldwide via telephone and/or on-site. She is the author of the Best Seller and Readers Choice Award winning book Make Up, Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD; as well as the book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin, which was turned into the Lifetime movie Silence of Adultery. Dr. Bonnie appeared on the pilot that currently still airing on Discovery Health OWN titled “Unfaithful” and can be seen here http://youtu.be/BHk37fj-3Lk.
Dr. Bonnie Weil has launched her first Education 2 Go Course Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Read more and register here: http://www.ed2go.com/online-courses/marriage-and-relationships?tab=detail

 

 

The People vs O.J. Simpson

American crime story mini-series begins this week on FX

And this has caused quite a stir, especially from the families of the victims, as it focuses on the lawyers and OJ behind the scenes, supposedly with racial overtones between Los Angeles police and potential perpetrators.

At the same time Dr. Bennet Omalu, who discovered CTE, brain disease from concussions, specific to football players announced he would bet his medical license on the fact that OJ had CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy). Unfortunately people are using this statement as if this Dr. is excusing bad behavior; enabling or condoning bad behavior. Others argue he wants to enlighten people to this disease and to help players and family members look for symptoms, to prevent violence and suicides that some football players are experiencing.

It may not be a coincidence that this series comes out the week of the Super Bowl.

Q&A with Dr. Bonnie Weil

Question: Dr. Bonnie, my husband and I have been together for 10 years and have 3 adorable children.  The issue is our sex life is obsolete these days. I feel like I’m providing a dissatisfaction to my husband as I have no interest in having sex.  He goes out sometimes and when he gets home, I will act like I’m sleeping as I don’t have any interest.  Will I ever be able to get these feelings back or is this a sign that maybe I should move on as we weren’t meant to be?
Answer: Thank you for contacting me.  I don’t believe it is the fact that you don’t make the time, but it’s that you don’t get excited anymore.  Sex needs to be thought of in an exciting way by adding novelty and excitement to your relationship, there should be no resentment.  Resentment tends to occur in long term relationships as the wife feels the husband does less around the house and with the kids.  You need to learn to compartmentalize any of those feelings.  Nobody wants to be in a relationship with boredom and resentment.  You and your partner need to learn to fight fair and not air resentment. If a couple does not learn to fight fair there is no passion as conflict creates passion.  The best sex is after a good fight! Don’t use sex as leverage as an orgasm is a gift you give yourself as well.  Fourplay is also important, no matter the years of history you have together.  It is important to keep kissing for the oxytocin hormone, hugging for the dopamine hormone.  If it has been a while since making love, the brain also needs to be retrained.  Frequency of romantic encounters with your partner are a must, so the brain is still in tune.

New Life Only a Click Away

I recently saw a heart-breaking story in The New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/fashion/in-a-divorce-the-clicks-of-a-mouse-modern-love.html?_r=1&pagewanted=1&ref=fashion&src=me from a woman whose husband had been having an affair with a woman he met online, unbeknown to her. Perhaps even more tragically, this story is not that uncommon. In fact there are a number of statistics that reveal how widespread this has become:

Internet users devote three hours per week to online sexual exploits (MSNBC.com)

  • -Statistics show more than 72,000 sexually explicit sites on the web and an estimated 266 new porn sites being added each day. These sites alone generate a revenue of $1 billion dollars each year.
    (Harding Institute)
  • One in 10 respondents said they are addicted to sex and the Internet
    (MSNBC.com and Dr. Alvin Cooper)
     

It’s become overly simple to meet someone online for sex – in fact it’s more difficult to avoid these types of propositions than it is to take advantage of them, as the woman in the article found when, following her divorce, she did a little online sex research of her own:  

[After posting my ad] I refreshed my e-mail and a dozen more replies showed up. Within the hour I had more than 100. I was appalled but also flattered 

Needless to say, these types of encounters are easy to procure and appear much less high-risk than attempting to pick someone up in real life. However, the real life consequences are just as devastating. It’s a way of over-riding true emotions by opting for a “high” of a sexual encounter instead. It could be the case that people looking for casual encounters via the internet are seeking out a way to mask the fact that they don’t want to deal with their emotions or don’t know how to engage in true intimacy. It’s a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person’s life. People who utilize the internet for these types of “relationships” are typically just in it for the high the feel in the moment without examining what’s making them seek that high.  

When one person in a couple suffers from this need for thrill-seeking behavior it’s imperative that the person communicate with their partner – and with themselves – as to what’s leading them into this pattern. As I suggest in the documentary, Unfaithful (featured on the OWN Network), it’s imperative to dig deeper than indulging a momentary desire and learn what feeds the need to act in such a way.  

In this sense, the course of action for dealing with this behavior is the same as if it weren’t fueled by technology. However the ever-presence of sex online has made this type of thrill-seeking much more accessible, and seem much less risky. This perception is just not true. Engaging in an affair – online, offline or otherwise – is fraught with risk and reveals relationship shortcomings that need to be talked out, not acted out. 

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the 2010 NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.
 
Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson) Coming Nov 2011 as eBook, Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a Discovery Health documentary titled “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

How to Save the Love of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries… and they said it wouldn’t last!

Upon the news of the pending divorce between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Dr. Bonnie Weil weighs on on what may have caused this domino effect of Lust/Love. This is a good example of when the “honeymoan” stage takes and sweeps a person into a different level.  They say parents are better at picking a partner as people get swept away in the new love feeling. When the honeymoon ends, the power struggle begins…  that is the beginning of the end!

“The endorphins from the honeymoon stage have worn off, and what you are left with is reality!  We love the feeling of euphoria and utopia of the honeymoon stage.” says Dr. Bonnie.  A couple must have a good foundation and the tools, in which Dr Bonnie provides with her ground breaking Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue in which have saved 98% of the couples she counsels. Dr. Bonnie teaches her patients that the the bridge to real-life love is stopping along the way to the power struggle stage.  “We always pick a person that gives us the most trouble, so we can grow and become a better person.  The thing that you love about your partner in the beginning you end up hating in the end. It wears on you like chalk on a black board!” Dr. Bonnie sees often in her practice. Smart heart Skills and Dialogue gives you the “know how” to navigate after the heart pounding honeymoon stage to the comfort, safe, real life love stage. “The problem is most don’t hang around long enough to get to the real life love because they don’t believe and know how to do it” says Dr. Bonnie.  “They leave when the going gets rough instead of staying the course.  This is what is wrong with Narcissistic “Greed/Me” generation that we live in.” states Dr. Bonnie. 
 
According to The New York Post http://tinyurl.com/3zojvxx Kris Humphries learned of the divorce filing via TMZ just as the world found out.  “This is the ultimate betrayal finding out via media, it is very hostile way to get back at a person.” quotes Dr. Bonnie.

Dr. Bonnie feels “Kim fell in love with love.  Her biological clock is ticking and she may have felt pressure from the nuptials of her sister Khloe and the baby of sister Kourtney. Love is like the game monopoly. They went to the power struggle stage from honeymoon and did not pass Go.  They jumped out too soon.”  Everybody wants everything now but it is through the struggle that we become stronger and closer, that power struggle is what bonds a couple.  They allowed that struggle to break them instead of strengthen them.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. She was recently honored with the 2011 New York Award in the Physicians category by the USCA “Best of Local Business Award. She is known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a Discovery Health documentary titled “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Another Reason to Love Marriage: Longevity

New York, NY…………… If you feel like fixing the car one more time or taking out another load of laundry might kill you – think again. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D, comments on a study revealing that getting married could extend your life for up to 17 years: “In this case, a longer lifespan likely has to do with human touch and interaction. For example, babies can thrive without sight, without smell, even without hearing. But they cannot thrive without being touched.”

 The study published in the American Journal Of Epidemiology shows that single men have a 32 percent higher chance of death across their lifetimes than their married counter parts. This means that they could die eight to 17 years prior to the average married man. Statistics for women are better: they face a life expectancy shortened by about seven to 15 years on average.

The lack of continued attention and affection over a lifetime can manifest in what Dr. Bonnie calls a Bio-chemical Craving for Connection, due to dealing with things like stress, separation and loss. People who experience this craving are more likely to engage in risky behaviors as they seek out a “high” that will mitigate the pain they’ve experienced.

Conversely, people in relationships typically receive a positive type of “high” without even knowing it. “Oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” provides warmth and security,” explains Dr. Bonnie. Love reduces stress and makes a person happy.” Touch is important – we see that much from the start of our lives: infants deprived of affection will literally perish from a syndrome called “failure to thrive”. “Babies can thrive without sight, without smell, even without hearing. But they cannot thrive without being touched,” says Dr. Bonnie Weil. This is something that doesn’t change much over our lifetimes – as adults we still thrive most in affectionate environments.

 Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Her book, Make Up Don’t Break Up recently won the New York Times “Relationship Book of the Year” award.

 Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).


Renee Talon, Renee at DoctorBonnie dot com or phone 941-429-8803
Dr. Bonnie has 2 Press Release writers.  Available if anyone would like to speak about our services.

Is Sex Higher During Hurricanes?

New York, NY……..People in areas of the country that rarely see any inclement weather besides snow, are prepping for a hurricane this weekend. People typically spend more time inside during a hurricane than they would even in a snow storm, and they may be edgy about the weather. 

This, says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, gives couples a chance to connect and spend more time together than they would normally. In her book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up, Dr.Bonnie mentions that weather can be a catalyst for physical intimacy. It’s of course important to do everything possible to stay safe physically, but there are some emotional benefits to be gleaned from this experience if we can slow down and notice them. 

Conversely, bad weather can make people nervous, claustrophobic, foster addictions and increase eating. Some people may use this as an excuse to further their bad habits, but instead of relying on these crutches – which really just exacerbate the stress and nervousness – make time with your partner for snuggling, talking and kissing. Don’t just watch television, says Dr. Bonnie! Instead, use this time productively, to connect with your partner and deal with any problems that arise in a healthy way.

 And stay safe!

 Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Her book, Make Up Don’t Break Up recently won the New York Times “Relationship Book of the Year” award.

 Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).

Renee Talon, Renee at DoctorBonnie dot com or phone 941-429-8803
Dr. Bonnie has 2 Press Release writers.  Available if anyone would like to speak about our services.

A Twist on the Seven-Year Itch

We’ve all heard of the seven-year itch: the point in the relationship, or so it goes, where the honeymoon phase is over, real life has begun and dissatisfaction sets in. But what if you make it past that – WAY past that – and then things fall apart? This seems to be happening more and more as couples reach the point in life where kids are out of the house, they retire, and then end up spending time together 24/7. Divorce rates for the over-60 crowd are rising and lawyers also confirm this trend, saying they’re seeing handling more divorces among those in their 50s and 60s. Nowadays as people live longer, and marriages are expected to sustain themselves for decades at a time, some think that this is an unrealistic expectation.

Additionally, dating sites that cater to the baby boomer generation are seeing an uptick in membership. The director of one such site, FiftyAlready.com, has noticed this trend: “When the children have left home and retirement looms, being with your husband or wife becomes a full-time occupation and the relationship is going to go one way or the other,” says Director David Pinless as quoted in the Telegraph.

However, it’s not as if a relationship suddenly goes bad when retirement and empty-nesting sets in. This period of life changes and increased “couple-time” can, however, exacerbate a problem that already exists. Which makes maintaining a healthy relationship no matter what season in life all the more important. When couples get to the 30 or 40 year mark, I advise them not to expect that a big change – like a retirement or a child heading off to college – will be the panacea for any issues they have in their relationship. To the contrary, such a large change could only make things worse.

This makes it important, throughout your years together, to know yourself, and know your relationship. For example, if you’re the type of couple that thrives on independence and enjoys occasional but quality time together, don’t expect that being around each other full-time will be a walk in the park when retirement comes. You may want to each pursue activities in order to continue making contributions to your community and to your self-development.

And, it bears stating that if at any point in the relationship things seem off or one of the people in the marriage is unhappy, it’s never a good idea to avoid dealing with a potential conflict. Waiting till you’re 40 or 50 years into a relationship won’t make things any better! I don’t believe that it’s “unrealistic” to expect people to commit for the duration, but it is unrealistic to think things will coast along swimmingly without some effort.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Her book, Make Up Don’t Break Up recently won the New York Times “Readers Choice Award” award.

Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (The #1 Relationship Wrecker).

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