Q&A with Dr. Bonnie Weil

Question: Dr. Bonnie, my husband and I have been together for 10 years and have 3 adorable children.  The issue is our sex life is obsolete these days. I feel like I’m providing a dissatisfaction to my husband as I have no interest in having sex.  He goes out sometimes when he gets home, I will act like I’m sleeping as I don’t have any interest.  Will I ever be able to get these feelings back or is this a sign that maybe I should move on as we weren’t meant to be?
 
Answer: Thank you for contacting me.  I don’t believe it is the fact that you don’t make the time, but it’s that you don’t get excited anymore.  Sex needs to be thought of in an exciting way by adding novelty and excitement to your relationship, there should be no resentment.  Resentment tends to occur in long term relationships as the wife feels the husband does less around the house and with the kids.  You need to learn to compartmentalize any of those feelings.  Nobody wants to be in a relationship with boredom and resentment.  You and your partner need to learn to fight fair and not air resentment. If a couple does not learn to fight fair there is no passion as conflict creates passion.  The best sex is after a good fight! Don’t use sex as leverage as an orgasm is a gift you give yourself as well.  Fourplay is also important, no matter the years of history you have together.  It is important to keep kissing for the oxytocin hormone, hugging for the dopamine hormone.  If it has been a while since making love, the brain also needs to be retrained.  Frequency of romantic encounters with your partner are a must, so the brain is still in tune.

Kardashian Divorce: Dr. Bonnie Advises Ways to Deal with Conflict and Stay Together

The latest news to come from the Kardashian camp is that Kim is conflicted about her recent divorce filing and has flown to Minnesota to see her husband Kris Humphries. “The fact that she’s having second thoughts is a good sign,” says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. “I believe just about any marriage can be saved if the couple is willing to put in the work and it seems like there might be hope for Kim.”

 The conflict first arose after the couple had only been married for a short 72 days, apparently over a difference of opinion on where to live. Dr. Bonnie says this is evidence the couple has already left the honeymoon phase and is now moving to the power struggle phase, where they must learn to address each other on different terms. Kim wanted to settle near hear family in California, while Kris hoped to set up home base in Minnesota. “Although these are things the couple should have worked out prior to marriage, all is not lost due to this apparent impasse,” encourages Dr. Bonnie.

Although it’s disconcerting that, facing a disagreement, Kim’s fist reaction was to throw in the towel, her trip to Minnesota suggests she’s realizing dissolving a marriage shouldn’t be that simple. “Kim needs to learn how to deal with conflict in their relationship or, even if they work this issue out, there will be others that might send her running again,” Dr. Bonnie cautions, and suggests a few things to give the couple staying power.

Smart Heart Dialogue: The couple can use this as a way to move beyond the anger and blame that typically is placed when an argument or disagreement comes to a stalemate. It can be used for smaller, more inconsequential arguments as well. Dr. Bonnie encourages having a weekly ten minute “Smart heart”-to-heart with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as the couple listens and echoes back what they each heard the other say.

Fight Fair: Fighting in a relationship doesn’t have to signal the end – but rather, it’s HOW the couple fights that makes all the difference. Fighting doesn’t necessarily mean a relationship is on the rocks, in fact, couples who argue well are happier. Perhaps surprisingly, there’s also little distinction made about the so-called differences between arguing, fighting, bickering or even nagging – they’re all forms of expressing dissatisfaction with a situation or a person and learning how to convey these feelings, and how to respond to them, can make all the difference. 

Break up to make up or “brush with death”: It may be this initial divorce filing provided Kim with all the separation she needed, but Dr. Bonnie typically advises a temporary breakup as a way to help resolve certain issues, and create a shake-up that many couples need. In certain circumstances, this is the only thing that will create an action step which will make reconnecting and making up easier to do.

New Life Only a Click Away

I recently saw a heart-breaking story in The New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/fashion/in-a-divorce-the-clicks-of-a-mouse-modern-love.html?_r=1&pagewanted=1&ref=fashion&src=me from a woman whose husband had been having an affair with a woman he met online, unbeknown to her. Perhaps even more tragically, this story is not that uncommon. In fact there are a number of statistics that reveal how widespread this has become:

Internet users devote three hours per week to online sexual exploits (MSNBC.com)

  • -Statistics show more than 72,000 sexually explicit sites on the web and an estimated 266 new porn sites being added each day. These sites alone generate a revenue of $1 billion dollars each year.
    (Harding Institute)
  • One in 10 respondents said they are addicted to sex and the Internet
    (MSNBC.com and Dr. Alvin Cooper)
     

It’s become overly simple to meet someone online for sex – in fact it’s more difficult to avoid these types of propositions than it is to take advantage of them, as the woman in the article found when, following her divorce, she did a little online sex research of her own:  

[After posting my ad] I refreshed my e-mail and a dozen more replies showed up. Within the hour I had more than 100. I was appalled but also flattered 

Needless to say, these types of encounters are easy to procure and appear much less high-risk than attempting to pick someone up in real life. However, the real life consequences are just as devastating. It’s a way of over-riding true emotions by opting for a “high” of a sexual encounter instead. It could be the case that people looking for casual encounters via the internet are seeking out a way to mask the fact that they don’t want to deal with their emotions or don’t know how to engage in true intimacy. It’s a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person’s life. People who utilize the internet for these types of “relationships” are typically just in it for the high the feel in the moment without examining what’s making them seek that high.  

When one person in a couple suffers from this need for thrill-seeking behavior it’s imperative that the person communicate with their partner – and with themselves – as to what’s leading them into this pattern. As I suggest in the documentary, Unfaithful (featured on the OWN Network), it’s imperative to dig deeper than indulging a momentary desire and learn what feeds the need to act in such a way.  

In this sense, the course of action for dealing with this behavior is the same as if it weren’t fueled by technology. However the ever-presence of sex online has made this type of thrill-seeking much more accessible, and seem much less risky. This perception is just not true. Engaging in an affair – online, offline or otherwise – is fraught with risk and reveals relationship shortcomings that need to be talked out, not acted out. 

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the 2010 NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.
 
Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson) Coming Nov 2011 as eBook, Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a Discovery Health documentary titled “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Another Reason to Love Marriage: Longevity

New York, NY…………… If you feel like fixing the car one more time or taking out another load of laundry might kill you – think again. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D, comments on a study revealing that getting married could extend your life for up to 17 years: “In this case, a longer lifespan likely has to do with human touch and interaction. For example, babies can thrive without sight, without smell, even without hearing. But they cannot thrive without being touched.”

 The study published in the American Journal Of Epidemiology shows that single men have a 32 percent higher chance of death across their lifetimes than their married counter parts. This means that they could die eight to 17 years prior to the average married man. Statistics for women are better: they face a life expectancy shortened by about seven to 15 years on average.

The lack of continued attention and affection over a lifetime can manifest in what Dr. Bonnie calls a Bio-chemical Craving for Connection, due to dealing with things like stress, separation and loss. People who experience this craving are more likely to engage in risky behaviors as they seek out a “high” that will mitigate the pain they’ve experienced.

Conversely, people in relationships typically receive a positive type of “high” without even knowing it. “Oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” provides warmth and security,” explains Dr. Bonnie. Love reduces stress and makes a person happy.” Touch is important – we see that much from the start of our lives: infants deprived of affection will literally perish from a syndrome called “failure to thrive”. “Babies can thrive without sight, without smell, even without hearing. But they cannot thrive without being touched,” says Dr. Bonnie Weil. This is something that doesn’t change much over our lifetimes – as adults we still thrive most in affectionate environments.

 Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Her book, Make Up Don’t Break Up recently won the New York Times “Relationship Book of the Year” award.

 Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).


Renee Talon, Renee at DoctorBonnie dot com or phone 941-429-8803
Dr. Bonnie has 2 Press Release writers.  Available if anyone would like to speak about our services.

Is Sex Higher During Hurricanes?

New York, NY……..People in areas of the country that rarely see any inclement weather besides snow, are prepping for a hurricane this weekend. People typically spend more time inside during a hurricane than they would even in a snow storm, and they may be edgy about the weather. 

This, says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, gives couples a chance to connect and spend more time together than they would normally. In her book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up, Dr.Bonnie mentions that weather can be a catalyst for physical intimacy. It’s of course important to do everything possible to stay safe physically, but there are some emotional benefits to be gleaned from this experience if we can slow down and notice them. 

Conversely, bad weather can make people nervous, claustrophobic, foster addictions and increase eating. Some people may use this as an excuse to further their bad habits, but instead of relying on these crutches – which really just exacerbate the stress and nervousness – make time with your partner for snuggling, talking and kissing. Don’t just watch television, says Dr. Bonnie! Instead, use this time productively, to connect with your partner and deal with any problems that arise in a healthy way.

 And stay safe!

 Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Her book, Make Up Don’t Break Up recently won the New York Times “Relationship Book of the Year” award.

 Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).

Renee Talon, Renee at DoctorBonnie dot com or phone 941-429-8803
Dr. Bonnie has 2 Press Release writers.  Available if anyone would like to speak about our services.

The Connection Between Foods and Your Mood

In a recent study published in the Journal of Clinical Investigation, fatty and sugary foods lift our moods. According to Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a NY City based Psychotherapist, ”Anyone that has an addiction issue has an unstable blood sugar level. Certain foods, especially sugars aggravate the addiction and encourages mood swings.  I see many patients who had addictions and they were treated by the changing of their diet, supplements and medication.  Once these areas were focused and treated by an MD, the patient later needed less psychotherapy.  I cure some patients with the hand of an MD, whom treats the body and brain chemicals, then we add in my Psychotherapy.  When I treat marital issues I always look at what they are eating.  Partners whom are rude in tone, abrupt, selfish, moody can be researched back to having a mismanaged diet.  People tend to self medicate with food, especially sugar as it calms the body down initially but in the end it stresses the body.”
 

Creating a Sex Scandal Without Sex

After the discovery of New York’s Democratic Representative Anthony Weiner’s provocative twitters to women—his job, reputation, and possibly marriage is in jeopardy. “We must stop looking at this type of behavior as ‘bad boy’ antics and see it as a disease,” Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil explains.

“We have gone from glamorizing infidelity to bastardizing it. It is now time to look at the underlying reasons for straying, cheating, and in the age of social media and Weiner’s case, ‘creating a sex scandal without sex’, explains Weil.

The newest revelation in this ongoing scandal and ensuing government ethics investigation adds another layer of complication to Weiner’s personal life. It has been reported that his wife, Huma Abedin, is pregnant. At a time when a woman needs her man most, Weiner is consumed with his own problems. The inclination to blame him for the inability to control his impulses is unfair according to Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, and NY Times Reader’s Choice award winning author of Make Up Don’t Break Up. Weil teaches couples another way to view this problem and offers her formula for treating the disease of infidelity.

“People who engage in this type of behavior usually have a high percentage stress, loss, suffer from separation from their partner, and are thrill seeking for the purpose of self soothing. They have what I call—a “Bio chemical craving for connection”. These elements are present in all of the high profile cheaters we have recently witnessed: Tiger Woods, Eliot Spitzer, David Letterman, John Edwards, and most recently Arnold Swarzenegger. When couples come to me, I test the adulterer for chemical imbalances, provide safe and restorative therapy, and teach both partners how to find the underlying reasons for cheating, take responsibility, stop blaming, and begin rebuilding their relationship.”

While our new age of social media has added a variety of opportunities to loosen the boundaries of social interaction, couples now have something else to consider in their relationship. “Not all partners agree that online flirting is taboo, and many couples might not agree on the definition of electronic flirting. This is a discussion all couples should have, and come to agreements and/or compromises,” warns Dr. Bonnie, who considers ‘sexting’ and online flirting a variation of and just as dangerous as cheating.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.
For interview contact Diane Dennis, Inspired Media Communication at 503-678-1356 or dianeden@centurytel.net

COUPLES COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT ENOUGH SEX

New York, NY…….In response to recent research that shows that many long term couples are not happy with the frequency of sex (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21400335), Dr. Bonnie explains the correlation between long-term relationships and less sex. 

 “The amount of sex a couple has is the litmus test to how much satisfaction and effort they are putting into their relationship. The survey published in the journal of Sex and Marital Therapy states that 54 percent of men and 42 percent of women reported unhappiness with the frequency of sex. It is clear that the pattern of how often couples copulate is a direct reflection on the health of their relationship. In long- term marriages it is easy to become lax in effort, imagination and ingenuity. For a healthy sex life, couples must make sex a priority, with all of the romance and effort they put into it when they first got together,” says Dr. Bonnie 

I have a formula for how to put the sizzle back in relationships which will increase a couples desire for more sex,” responds Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD. In her NY Times Reader’s Choice Winner for best dating book 2010, Make Up Don’t Break Up, Dr. Bonnie offers suggestions for how to make more love. “Don’t forget to date,” Dr. Bonnie advises. 

Make Up Don’t Break Up is chock full of innovative ways couples can be playful, respectful, intimate, and loving. “Fantasy Friday’s” is an example outlined in the book showing couples taking turns surprising their mate with a fantasy date. “Using imagination, and preparing in advance for romance goes a long way towards increased heat in the bedroom,” Dr. Bonnie explains. 

The survey also revealed that a third of the women interviewed complained that they were having more sex than they wanted. “Men may want more sex, but women want quality explains Dr. Bonnie, adding that romance adds the emotional intimacy women crave. “Send notes, text romantic thoughts, and let your partner know that you are thinking of her the entire day, not just the moment you hit the sheets.” 

 Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at www.DoctorBonnie.com

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.

 For interview contact Diane Dennis, Inspired Media Communication at 503-678-1356 or dianeden@centurytel.net

Divorce Party Trend as Social Statement of Unity

Couples turning towards cordial divorces celebrate with Divorce Parties. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, supports and endorses this trend. “Having a social event that defines the divorce as cordial and sends the message to friends and family that the divorce will not rupture their social circles,” explains Dr. Bonnie who adds that this ritual helps bridge the loneliness gap that usually accompanies divorce.

New York, NY (PRWEB) May 30, 2011

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, family therapist endorses the concept of “divorce parties.” From a recent New York Times article featuring couples throwing parties to “celebrate” their upcoming divorce, debates among psychologists differ. “I think throwing a party for your friends offers an olive branch to friends, family, and extended family members giving the message that the divorce doesn’t have to signal side taking and estrangements among loved ones,” Dr. Bonnie explains.

Generally, parties are for celebrations. Divorce is most often characterized by grief, anger, depression, fear, and depicts the ending of a bad relationship. “However, having a social event that portrays the couple as cordial, working together as a team, and refusing to pit friends against their Ex is a step towards bridging the loneliness gap that so many divorcees face,” Dr. Bonnie says.

In an era where post divorce fights about children, money, and living arrangement issues abound, making a public statement to keep the couples social structure intact is a healthy departure. “While I recommend therapy for most divorced individuals, there is much to be said for social support during the healing process. Keeping instead of losing friends is key during this difficult time of transition for divorcees,” advises Dr. Bonnie.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD is the author of Make Up Don’t Break Up, NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010. The book highlights communication techniques such as the Smart Heart Dialogue. “The Smart Heart Dialogue is a technique that can ideally be used for couples after they end their marriage. This form of communication offers fair discussions for conflict resolution and to avoid escalation of conflict,” Dr. Bonnie adds.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.

For interview contact Diane Dennis, Inspired Media Communication at 503-678-1356 or dianeden(at)centurytel(dot)net.

# # #

|Diane Dennis
Inspired Media Communication
(503) 678-1356
Email Information

Kentucky Derby: Warning signs of gambling addictions

New York, NY………….As the Kentucky Derby—a national tradition, rolls around with all its rituals and regalia Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy), reminds couples of the warning signs of gambling addictions.

“The Kentucky Derby is a richly traditional event. However people, wherever they are, can get sucked into virtual betting online—another accessible outlet for people addicted to gambling,” warns Dr. Bonnie who adds that she has had many clients who kept their gambling habit a secret until they had taken their family down a path of financial ruin. Dr. Bonnie calls cheating with money financial infidelity. Financial infidelity is another form of cheating, and can be so subtle one doesn’t know they are doing it. Weil considers this addiction as well as others a “self medicating, stress busting, thrill seeking high—like a love drug.”

“Gambling, like all addictions is a bio-chemical craving for connection. When needs aren’t being met, people turn to a quick fix—an activity that gives immediate, but temporary satisfaction or thrill. Unfortunately many of these quick fixes easily turn into compulsive behavior. Once the high wears off from the purchase or behavior, people repeat it until they are in a full- blown addiction. Illicit sex, shopping, and gambling are easier than ever to engage in as all are available at the click of the keyboard from a personal computer.

“When a cycle of financial betrayals become entrenched, It is often just a matter of time before other areas of the relationship are damaged as trust is eroded, communication compromised, and emotional disconnection takes place,” explains Dr. Bonnie.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, relationship therapist, and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice Award for best dating book 2010 for Make Up Don’t Break Up reminds couples of the warning sings that their partner might be committing financial infidelity.

“If your credit cards are maxed out, unexplained bank balance transfers or stock and bond selling occurs, there is a good chance a partner is engaged in unhealthy spending,” says Dr. Bonnie.

Dr. Bonnie recommends couples participate in Smart Heart Dialogue (a communication technique originated by Dr. Bonnie and found in her books) to begin the process of reconnecting and meeting each other’s emotional needs so that the addictions, compulsions, or acting out will be replaced with fulfilling the need for emotionally intimate connection.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.