Best of Luck to the Broncos and the Panthers

Dr. Bonnie wishes the best of luck to both the Denver Broncos and the Carolina Panthers. She and her husband already have their Broncos Peyton Manning jerseys ready to go, and urges all couples to cuddle up, with that oxytocin, “cuddle” hormone while watching the Superbowl  together; couples who “play” together stay together, so Makeup Don’t Break Up (straight from the book of the same name).

Time to Tackle Your Relationship During Superbowl

tmp_8342-photo998636950Instead of allowing the final football game of the season to drive a wedge in a relationship, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil suggest couples use the superbowl to get close and cuddle with your partner to “touchdown” together using attachment skills. “Half time is the perfect time to re-connect sexually and make the game that much more interesting,” she advises.

Couples should keep in mind that sex is the best if there’s a positive all-around experience so be sure to cook or purchase favorite foods and snacks to have on hand during the game. “Many couples watch the game together,” notes Dr. Bonnie, “and this is the perfect time to add in sex during half time.” Endorphins are running high during football games, especially when favorite teams are playing – so Dr. Bonnie suggests putting those endorphins to good use. This heightened endorphin level encourages the sizzle and passion that comes with great sex.

Even for couples that won’t be watching the game together, it’s helpful to create a fun atmosphere. Often women are the ones who choose not to watch the game, and they may resent their husband’s decision to do so. Instead of letting football drive a wedge in the relationship, use it as an opportunity to create a positive experience for both people. Women not watching the game can encourage their husband to have a good time without them, with an understanding that there will be couple time later, or the wife will have some free time to spend doing something she enjoys. If a woman’s husband realizes that she’s stretching to be a football fan, he’s going to want to stretch for her in other areas.

In either case, the use the Superbowl to create a space where both people end up happy and fulfilled, instead of engaged in a power struggle.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is a private practice NYC Psychotherapist. She counsels couples, singles, adults and children worldwide via telephone and/or on-site. She is the author of the Best Seller and Readers Choice Award winning book Make Up, Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD; as well as the book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin, which was turned into the Lifetime movie Silence of Adultery. Dr. Bonnie appeared on the pilot that currently still airing on Discovery Health OWN titled “Unfaithful” and can be seen here http://youtu.be/BHk37fj-3Lk.
Dr. Bonnie Weil has launched her first Education 2 Go Course Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Read more and register here: http://www.ed2go.com/online-courses/marriage-and-relationships?tab=detail

 

 

Time to Remove Your Mask… Your Intimacy Mask!

That time of year again, ghosts, goblins and love! Yes that’s right, Dr. Bonnie says “it’s time to take off those masks, and take a chance at love. Don’t stop a relationship before it starts!”

For Halloween dress up, have fun and enjoy. “If you are not in a relationship go to a party with friends or family” says Dr. Bonnie. Upon meeting new people it’s important to use eye contact and smile or comment/compliment on a persons costume. Dr. Bonnie suggests “If you are in a relationship use costumesfor play and perhaps some “Shades of Gray” to add the spice and intimacy.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil counsels her patients how to remove their masks of intimacy and also how to get past the third date and not stop a relationship before it starts. For further information on starting and keeping your relationship new read Makeup Don’t Breakup with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying in Love. Learn tips to healthy relationships and adding the sizzle to keep your love alive by participating in my course titled Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success.)

Q&A with Dr. Bonnie Weil

Question: Dr. Bonnie, my husband and I have been together for 10 years and have 3 adorable children.  The issue is our sex life is obsolete these days. I feel like I’m providing a dissatisfaction to my husband as I have no interest in having sex.  He goes out sometimes and when he gets home, I will act like I’m sleeping as I don’t have any interest.  Will I ever be able to get these feelings back or is this a sign that maybe I should move on as we weren’t meant to be?
Answer: Thank you for contacting me.  I don’t believe it is the fact that you don’t make the time, but it’s that you don’t get excited anymore.  Sex needs to be thought of in an exciting way by adding novelty and excitement to your relationship, there should be no resentment.  Resentment tends to occur in long term relationships as the wife feels the husband does less around the house and with the kids.  You need to learn to compartmentalize any of those feelings.  Nobody wants to be in a relationship with boredom and resentment.  You and your partner need to learn to fight fair and not air resentment. If a couple does not learn to fight fair there is no passion as conflict creates passion.  The best sex is after a good fight! Don’t use sex as leverage as an orgasm is a gift you give yourself as well.  Fourplay is also important, no matter the years of history you have together.  It is important to keep kissing for the oxytocin hormone, hugging for the dopamine hormone.  If it has been a while since making love, the brain also needs to be retrained.  Frequency of romantic encounters with your partner are a must, so the brain is still in tune.

Kardashian Divorce: Dr. Bonnie Advises Ways to Deal with Conflict and Stay Together

The latest news to come from the Kardashian camp is that Kim is conflicted about her recent divorce filing and has flown to Minnesota to see her husband Kris Humphries. “The fact that she’s having second thoughts is a good sign,” says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. “I believe just about any marriage can be saved if the couple is willing to put in the work and it seems like there might be hope for Kim.”

 The conflict first arose after the couple had only been married for a short 72 days, apparently over a difference of opinion on where to live. Dr. Bonnie says this is evidence the couple has already left the honeymoon phase and is now moving to the power struggle phase, where they must learn to address each other on different terms. Kim wanted to settle near hear family in California, while Kris hoped to set up home base in Minnesota. “Although these are things the couple should have worked out prior to marriage, all is not lost due to this apparent impasse,” encourages Dr. Bonnie.

Although it’s disconcerting that, facing a disagreement, Kim’s fist reaction was to throw in the towel, her trip to Minnesota suggests she’s realizing dissolving a marriage shouldn’t be that simple. “Kim needs to learn how to deal with conflict in their relationship or, even if they work this issue out, there will be others that might send her running again,” Dr. Bonnie cautions, and suggests a few things to give the couple staying power.

Smart Heart Dialogue: The couple can use this as a way to move beyond the anger and blame that typically is placed when an argument or disagreement comes to a stalemate. It can be used for smaller, more inconsequential arguments as well. Dr. Bonnie encourages having a weekly ten minute “Smart heart”-to-heart with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as the couple listens and echoes back what they each heard the other say.

Fight Fair: Fighting in a relationship doesn’t have to signal the end – but rather, it’s HOW the couple fights that makes all the difference. Fighting doesn’t necessarily mean a relationship is on the rocks, in fact, couples who argue well are happier. Perhaps surprisingly, there’s also little distinction made about the so-called differences between arguing, fighting, bickering or even nagging – they’re all forms of expressing dissatisfaction with a situation or a person and learning how to convey these feelings, and how to respond to them, can make all the difference. 

Break up to make up or “brush with death”: It may be this initial divorce filing provided Kim with all the separation she needed, but Dr. Bonnie typically advises a temporary breakup as a way to help resolve certain issues, and create a shake-up that many couples need. In certain circumstances, this is the only thing that will create an action step which will make reconnecting and making up easier to do.

New Life Only a Click Away

I recently saw a heart-breaking story in The New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/fashion/in-a-divorce-the-clicks-of-a-mouse-modern-love.html?_r=1&pagewanted=1&ref=fashion&src=me from a woman whose husband had been having an affair with a woman he met online, unbeknown to her. Perhaps even more tragically, this story is not that uncommon. In fact there are a number of statistics that reveal how widespread this has become:

Internet users devote three hours per week to online sexual exploits (MSNBC.com)

  • -Statistics show more than 72,000 sexually explicit sites on the web and an estimated 266 new porn sites being added each day. These sites alone generate a revenue of $1 billion dollars each year.
    (Harding Institute)
  • One in 10 respondents said they are addicted to sex and the Internet
    (MSNBC.com and Dr. Alvin Cooper)
     

It’s become overly simple to meet someone online for sex – in fact it’s more difficult to avoid these types of propositions than it is to take advantage of them, as the woman in the article found when, following her divorce, she did a little online sex research of her own:  

[After posting my ad] I refreshed my e-mail and a dozen more replies showed up. Within the hour I had more than 100. I was appalled but also flattered 

Needless to say, these types of encounters are easy to procure and appear much less high-risk than attempting to pick someone up in real life. However, the real life consequences are just as devastating. It’s a way of over-riding true emotions by opting for a “high” of a sexual encounter instead. It could be the case that people looking for casual encounters via the internet are seeking out a way to mask the fact that they don’t want to deal with their emotions or don’t know how to engage in true intimacy. It’s a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person’s life. People who utilize the internet for these types of “relationships” are typically just in it for the high the feel in the moment without examining what’s making them seek that high.  

When one person in a couple suffers from this need for thrill-seeking behavior it’s imperative that the person communicate with their partner – and with themselves – as to what’s leading them into this pattern. As I suggest in the documentary, Unfaithful (featured on the OWN Network), it’s imperative to dig deeper than indulging a momentary desire and learn what feeds the need to act in such a way.  

In this sense, the course of action for dealing with this behavior is the same as if it weren’t fueled by technology. However the ever-presence of sex online has made this type of thrill-seeking much more accessible, and seem much less risky. This perception is just not true. Engaging in an affair – online, offline or otherwise – is fraught with risk and reveals relationship shortcomings that need to be talked out, not acted out. 

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the 2010 NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.
 
Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson) Coming Nov 2011 as eBook, Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a Discovery Health documentary titled “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Another Reason to Love Marriage: Longevity

New York, NY…………… If you feel like fixing the car one more time or taking out another load of laundry might kill you – think again. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D, comments on a study revealing that getting married could extend your life for up to 17 years: “In this case, a longer lifespan likely has to do with human touch and interaction. For example, babies can thrive without sight, without smell, even without hearing. But they cannot thrive without being touched.”

 The study published in the American Journal Of Epidemiology shows that single men have a 32 percent higher chance of death across their lifetimes than their married counter parts. This means that they could die eight to 17 years prior to the average married man. Statistics for women are better: they face a life expectancy shortened by about seven to 15 years on average.

The lack of continued attention and affection over a lifetime can manifest in what Dr. Bonnie calls a Bio-chemical Craving for Connection, due to dealing with things like stress, separation and loss. People who experience this craving are more likely to engage in risky behaviors as they seek out a “high” that will mitigate the pain they’ve experienced.

Conversely, people in relationships typically receive a positive type of “high” without even knowing it. “Oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” provides warmth and security,” explains Dr. Bonnie. Love reduces stress and makes a person happy.” Touch is important – we see that much from the start of our lives: infants deprived of affection will literally perish from a syndrome called “failure to thrive”. “Babies can thrive without sight, without smell, even without hearing. But they cannot thrive without being touched,” says Dr. Bonnie Weil. This is something that doesn’t change much over our lifetimes – as adults we still thrive most in affectionate environments.

 Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Her book, Make Up Don’t Break Up recently won the New York Times “Relationship Book of the Year” award.

 Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).


Renee Talon, Renee at DoctorBonnie dot com or phone 941-429-8803
Dr. Bonnie has 2 Press Release writers.  Available if anyone would like to speak about our services.

Is Sex Higher During Hurricanes?

New York, NY……..People in areas of the country that rarely see any inclement weather besides snow, are prepping for a hurricane this weekend. People typically spend more time inside during a hurricane than they would even in a snow storm, and they may be edgy about the weather. 

This, says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, gives couples a chance to connect and spend more time together than they would normally. In her book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up, Dr.Bonnie mentions that weather can be a catalyst for physical intimacy. It’s of course important to do everything possible to stay safe physically, but there are some emotional benefits to be gleaned from this experience if we can slow down and notice them. 

Conversely, bad weather can make people nervous, claustrophobic, foster addictions and increase eating. Some people may use this as an excuse to further their bad habits, but instead of relying on these crutches – which really just exacerbate the stress and nervousness – make time with your partner for snuggling, talking and kissing. Don’t just watch television, says Dr. Bonnie! Instead, use this time productively, to connect with your partner and deal with any problems that arise in a healthy way.

 And stay safe!

 Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Her book, Make Up Don’t Break Up recently won the New York Times “Relationship Book of the Year” award.

 Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).

Renee Talon, Renee at DoctorBonnie dot com or phone 941-429-8803
Dr. Bonnie has 2 Press Release writers.  Available if anyone would like to speak about our services.

The Connection Between Foods and Your Mood

In a recent study published in the Journal of Clinical Investigation, fatty and sugary foods lift our moods. According to Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a NY City based Psychotherapist, “Anyone that has an addiction issue has an unstable blood sugar level. Certain foods, especially sugars aggravate the addiction and encourages mood swings.  I see many patients who had addictions and they were treated by the changing of their diet, supplements and medication.  Once these areas were focused and treated by an MD, the patient later needed less psychotherapy.  I cure some patients with the hand of an MD, whom treats the body and brain chemicals, then we add in my Psychotherapy.  When I treat marital issues I always look at what they are eating.  Partners whom are rude in tone, abrupt, selfish, moody can be researched back to having a mismanaged diet.  People tend to self medicate with food, especially sugar as it calms the body down initially but in the end it stresses the body.”
 

Creating a Sex Scandal Without Sex

After the discovery of New York’s Democratic Representative Anthony Weiner’s provocative twitters to women—his job, reputation, and possibly marriage is in jeopardy. “We must stop looking at this type of behavior as ‘bad boy’ antics and see it as a disease,” Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil explains.

“We have gone from glamorizing infidelity to bastardizing it. It is now time to look at the underlying reasons for straying, cheating, and in the age of social media and Weiner’s case, ‘creating a sex scandal without sex’, explains Weil.

The newest revelation in this ongoing scandal and ensuing government ethics investigation adds another layer of complication to Weiner’s personal life. It has been reported that his wife, Huma Abedin, is pregnant. At a time when a woman needs her man most, Weiner is consumed with his own problems. The inclination to blame him for the inability to control his impulses is unfair according to Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, and NY Times Reader’s Choice award winning author of Make Up Don’t Break Up. Weil teaches couples another way to view this problem and offers her formula for treating the disease of infidelity.

“People who engage in this type of behavior usually have a high percentage stress, loss, suffer from separation from their partner, and are thrill seeking for the purpose of self soothing. They have what I call—a “Bio chemical craving for connection”. These elements are present in all of the high profile cheaters we have recently witnessed: Tiger Woods, Eliot Spitzer, David Letterman, John Edwards, and most recently Arnold Swarzenegger. When couples come to me, I test the adulterer for chemical imbalances, provide safe and restorative therapy, and teach both partners how to find the underlying reasons for cheating, take responsibility, stop blaming, and begin rebuilding their relationship.”

While our new age of social media has added a variety of opportunities to loosen the boundaries of social interaction, couples now have something else to consider in their relationship. “Not all partners agree that online flirting is taboo, and many couples might not agree on the definition of electronic flirting. This is a discussion all couples should have, and come to agreements and/or compromises,” warns Dr. Bonnie, who considers ‘sexting’ and online flirting a variation of and just as dangerous as cheating.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.
For interview contact Diane Dennis, Inspired Media Communication at 503-678-1356 or dianeden@centurytel.net