You are here: Home / Blog / Archives for July 2010

Is the world find out about your life… Before you?!

Posted by on July 30, 2010 · Leave a Comment 

Once it’s been spread across Facebook, it’s been spread across the world. Facebook is a powerhouse when it comes to social networking, posting something on Facebook is the same as posting something on a billboard in New York’s Times Square. Metaphorically speaking.   Prince Harry faced a similarly humiliating situation when his girlfriend of 5 years officially ended their relationship by changing her status on Facebook as well. No matter which way you look at it, changing your relationship status on Facebook is an official and public declaration of what’s going on in your real life. “Breaking up via the internet is a form of cyber bullying.  It is a cowardly approach to handling a situation and leaves the other person feeling humiliated, ashamed and can also cause many readers to side with the person initiating the break up” says Dr. Bonnie Weil.

A Facebook dating app (AreYouInterested) conducted a survey and the results of 1,000 responses are telling. Apparently, a lot of people are using social network sites to do the “dirty work” of dating, from surreptitious splits to manipulative messaging. Almost 25 percent of respondents found out their own relationships were over by seeing it on Facebook first.

Dr. Bonnie explains that avoidance of confrontation may be the cause of people resorting to breaking up through social media sites. “80 percent of men are distancers. I refer to this as a man being allergic to a woman’s emotionality. This avoidance, distancing, and fear of dealing with repercussions can lead to couples taking short cuts in ending a relationship.” But that doesn’t make it right. “I assist couples in learning how to communicate through all stages of their relationship, and there are right and wrong ways to break up. Ending a relationship on the Internet is wrong.”

Not only is Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, MySpace and other social networking sites the new trend for breaking up, it is also where many divorce attorneys are finding credible evidence for cases involving adultery. Apparently Tiger Woods phone isn’t the only tattler to “out” adulterers. Over 61 percent surveyed by IllicitEncounters,com, the UK’s largest extra-marital dating agency, said a text message had, at some point, either incriminated them or aroused suspicion about their affair.

Dr. Bonnie, relationship expert and author explains the details of how, why and when to break up appropriately in Make Up Don’t Break Up, a groundbreaking relationship book now available in paperback with the accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying in Love. Dr. Bonnie can be reached at 212-606-3787 for a therapy consultation or via email at info@doctorbonnie.com

InspiredMC/PR/DDennis/503-678-1356/www.inspiredmc.com

Filed under Adultery · Tagged with

Life Sex & Menopause

Posted by on July 29, 2010 · Leave a Comment 

When the news that 50-year-old Linda Hogan, ex-wife of famed wrestler Hulk Hogan got engaged to her 21-year-old boyfriend Charlie Hill, eyebrows shot up. Although it is common to see older men in relationships with younger women, the “cougar” dynamic of older women dating younger men remains taboo in the eyes of many. But statistics tell another story. A study compiled by AARP magazine shows that 34 percent of women over 40 are dating younger men. The study stated that the higher divorce rate over the last several years has contributed to the amount of single, 50+ women swimming in the dating pool.

Relationship expert Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, finds the cougar syndrome a boost to a woman’s waning sex drive and self esteem. As a woman ages, menopause can wreak havoc with her libido. “What better way to feel energized and more attractive, than to piggyback off a younger mans high libido. A younger energetic man helps a woman feel younger and more alive.”

Many women suffer from feelings of inadequacy as they transition into menopause. Dating a younger man can be a boost to the ego during a time when women often describe feeling invisible. And, it isn’t just the women driving the cougar relationships. Young men reportedly have no fear of being put down by their peers when there’s cougars like Demi Moore, married to a much younger Ashton Kutcher. For younger men, the attraction is finding older women confident, sexually mature, independent and knowing what they want.

In her book Make Up Don’t Break Up, Dr. Weil encourages singles to find ways to bring up that loving feeling, and for a woman facing issues of aging; a younger man might be the catalyst that picks up her pulse.

Filed under About Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Families, Love & Relationships, Smartheart Skills · Tagged with

Breaking up Literally Hurts

Posted by on July 18, 2010 · Leave a Comment 

Before you let someone diminish the pain of a break up or tell you there’s no such thing as a broken heart, consider this study from the University of New York, and Rutgers University. Scientists tracked brain activity as participants in the study – 15 students who had recently been victims of a break up – did mundane tasks like counting backwards from 8211 by sevens. That’s right – students who had recently been dumped were asked to provide a picture of their former significant other, then look at it while they counted down from upwards of 8000 – all which seems to add insult to injury!
Aside from the potential painfulness of this exercise, the scientists discovered that “the brain areas associated with the pain of romantic rejection were the same ones involved in reward, motivation, physical pain, craving and addiction. For instance, looking at photos of exes lit up regions that are activated in cocaine addicts’ brains.”
It’s possible that anyone reading a romance novel could tell you that, but it goes deeper in explaining why the feelings of heartbreak are so hard to get over – it’s the same feeling experienced from pain, addiction and a host of other things.
Lucy Brown, professor of neuroscience and neurology at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, thinks it’s helpful for people to know that breaking up is supposed to hurt. “One guy called back the next day and said he thought the self-knowledge really helped,” she says.
It’s true that sometimes relationships just can’t be worked out and that dealing with the pain of a break up, struggling through the loneliness and emerging with new self-awareness is part of a growing process. Especially since the study participants were college-aged, these processes are to be expected. But so often I find that people have given up too easily on significant, meaningful relationships because of a lack of dedication to working through a problem.
There is a fine line between being a sucker for someone who hurts you repeatedly and with no indication that the behavior will change – and of course I’m not advocating staying in a dysfunctional relationship. I discuss finer details and techniques in my book, Make up Don’t Break up, but if both parties admit there are problems before the relationship gets to a dire point, and both people are willing to put effort into putting things back together I believe most relationships are salvageable.
Which mean – less counting backwards from 8000!
Read more: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,2002688,00.html#ixzz0tlJtLJv7

Filed under Adultery · Tagged with