Relationships are a source of so much fulfillment, and often they cause pain and sorrow, but it does not have to be that way. Adultery: the unforgivable sin, as many call it, is forgivable, curable, and treatable as I see it as a disease.

98% of the couples I talk to who experience adultery make up and stay together using my Smartheart Skills and Dialogues. If they can do it, you can do it too!  My theory is very different than that of mainstream thinking; I believe it is an inherited emotional, physiological behavior pattern. As Peter Ustinov stated, “love is an act of endless forgiveness.”  I say forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself.

My professional experience and that of my parent’s experiences shows that most marriages can be saved and even prosper after the betrayal, if the couple is willing to do the work necessary to recognize what contributed to the affair in the first place. Couples usually communicate more than they ever have after an affair. The betrayal becomes the catalyst to get to the intimacy and the love underneath.

An affair is a dysfunctional attempt to stabilize your relationship.  Second marriages have a higher rate of divorce and adultery than in first marriages, so it’s worth trying to work it out before you walk away.

38% of people have engaged in online sexual conversation, and 50% of people have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online. 1/3 of divorce litigation is from online affairs.  I recently read, there is an adultery epidemic, 45 to 50% of married women and 50 to 60% of men commit adultery at some point in their relationship.

I believe adultery can be cured physiologically as well as emotionally by balancing their stressed brain chemicals through psychotherapy,  medical workup, and treatment, in a team approach working as I do with an MD doing testing on people who are thrill seekers.

For my three part theory on adultery being a disease and more  Smartheart Skills and Dialogues to save a marriage, since I believe most marriages can be saved after an affair, read Makeup Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples.

An affair is a cry for help; it shakes you to wake you.  After an affair couples start communicating and working on their symptoms which are part of a bigger problem.  Both people take responsibility for their part in the affair occurring as a way to deal or not deal with that bigger problem.

SMART HEART DIALOGUE

“I am lonely, and I don’t want to stray. I need love, nurturing, and attention. I want you, not someone else. Please help me to stay faithful.” Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Part Five –  Relationships At Risk:  Shake Up To Wake Up

It is necessary to learn what to do if you suspect or want to forgive adultery, or if you have committed it yourself. Remember, the best affair is the one you can have with your own partner!

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
Love and Relationship Expert

Have a problem with your relationship? Apply for a Free 30-minute Ideal Relationship breakthrough sessions with me to help you get the passion and sizzle to restore the magic in your relationship or marriage.  Apply today!

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