Dr. Bonnie course with Ed2Go will include references to the items below:

Dr Bonnie Eaker-Weil #1 Love Expert in the World

Make Up Don't Break Up available at Amazon.com


These credits were missing from Lesson 1 Supplemental Materials

Fogarty, Thomas F.  The Distancer and the Pursuer. Compendium II, The Best of the Family. New Rochelle, New York: The Center for Family Learning, 1978-1983.

excerpt from
Adultery The Forgivable Sin
by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil – 2nd Edition pg. 265

Are You a Pursuer or a Distancer?

Supplemental Material for Lesson 1 Chapter 3.

Are you a pursuer or a distancer?

Are you a Pursuer?

  1. Do you obsess about being left, abandoned, or growing old alone?
  2. Do you overreact, maximize, or mind-read instead of finding facts?
  3. Do you have high expectations of yourself and others?
  4. Is one of your parents distant?
  5. Do you think of others before yourself?
  6. Do you dislike being alone?
  7. Do you long for commitment or marriage?
  8. Are you sensitive or emotional?
  9. Do you thrive on having discussions of marriage or your relationship?
  10. Do you get taken for granted or feel invisible?
  11. Do you feel like you’re not heard or taken seriously?
  12. Do you resist setting limits or giving ultimatums?
  13. Do you give in too easily because your afraid or feel sorry for your date or partner?
  14. Do you enable your date or partner to remain selfish by making excuses for him?
  15. Do you feel like it’s your fault when things go wrong?
  16. Are you preoccupied with being betrayed?
  17. Are you willing to take emotional risks?
  18. Are you impulsive and do you jump into things?
  19. Do you try to anticipate others’ needs and fill them before you are asked?
  20. Are you quick to attach to people and fall in love?

5-10 Yes answers indicates you are a moderate pursuer.
11-20 Yes answers indicates you are a strong pursuer

Are you a Distancer?

  1. Do you “stand still” in relationships rather than moving because you feel rejection?
  2. Are you reluctant to invest in a relationship?
  3. Do you say Yes when you want to say No, and then feel resentful?
  4. Do you provoke your date or mate’s fears?
  5. Do you feel uncomfortable with “heavy discussions” and avoid confrontation at any costs?
  6. Do you prefer to leave everything loose and up in the air?
  7. Do you encourage people to come close, then you push them away?
  8. Are you as last-minute kind of person?
  9. Are you a workaholic?
  10. Do you have trouble making decisions, or do you make unilateral decisions?
  11. Do you “cop an attitude,” moan, or sigh when you have to give?
  12. Do you feel suffocated in relationships?
  13. Do you long for more space but don’t know how to ask for it (or feel guilty)?
  14. Is one of your parents overbearing?
  15. When sick, do you want to be left alone?
  16. Do you dislike being told what to do?
  17. When you’re needed, do you feel pressured and try to escape?
  18. When your date or partner has a complaint, do you check out, tune out, or refuse to respond?
  19. Do you take your dates or partners for granted?
  20. Are you cut off from your familly>

5-10 Yes answers indicates you are a moderate distancer.
11-20 Yes answers indicates you are a strong distancer

excerpt from
Make Up Don’t Break Up by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil – 2nd Edition pgs 10-11

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