Dr. Bonnie course with Ed2Go will include references to the items below:
LESSON 1 SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIALS
These credits were missing from Lesson 1 Supplemental Materials
Fogarty, Thomas F. The Distancer and the Pursuer. Compendium II, The Best of the Family. New Rochelle, New York: The Center for Family Learning, 1978-1983.
Adultery The Forgivable Sin by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil – 2nd Edition pg. 265
LESSON 1 CHAPTER 3 SUPPLEMENTAL MATERIALS
Are You a Pursuer or a Distancer?
Supplemental Material for Lesson 1 Chapter 3.
Are you a pursuer or a distancer?
Are you a Pursuer?
- Do you obsess about being left, abandoned, or growing old alone?
- Do you overreact, maximize, or mind-read instead of finding facts?
- Do you have high expectations of yourself and others?
- Is one of your parents distant?
- Do you think of others before yourself?
- Do you dislike being alone?
- Do you long for commitment or marriage?
- Are you sensitive or emotional?
- Do you thrive on having discussions of marriage or your relationship?
- Do you get taken for granted or feel invisible?
- Do you feel like you’re not heard or taken seriously?
- Do you resist setting limits or giving ultimatums?
- Do you give in too easily because your afraid or feel sorry for your date or partner?
- Do you enable your date or partner to remain selfish by making excuses for him?
- Do you feel like it’s your fault when things go wrong?
- Are you preoccupied with being betrayed?
- Are you willing to take emotional risks?
- Are you impulsive and do you jump into things?
- Do you try to anticipate others’ needs and fill them before you are asked?
- Are you quick to attach to people and fall in love?
5-10 Yes answers indicates you are a moderate pursuer.
11-20 Yes answers indicates you are a strong pursuer
Are you a Distancer?
- Do you “stand still” in relationships rather than moving because you feel rejection?
- Are you reluctant to invest in a relationship?
- Do you say Yes when you want to say No, and then feel resentful?
- Do you provoke your date or mate’s fears?
- Do you feel uncomfortable with “heavy discussions” and avoid confrontation at any costs?
- Do you prefer to leave everything loose and up in the air?
- Do you encourage people to come close, then you push them away?
- Are you as last-minute kind of person?
- Are you a workaholic?
- Do you have trouble making decisions, or do you make unilateral decisions?
- Do you “cop an attitude,” moan, or sigh when you have to give?
- Do you feel suffocated in relationships?
- Do you long for more space but don’t know how to ask for it (or feel guilty)?
- Is one of your parents overbearing?
- When sick, do you want to be left alone?
- Do you dislike being told what to do?
- When you’re needed, do you feel pressured and try to escape?
- When your date or partner has a complaint, do you check out, tune out, or refuse to respond?
- Do you take your dates or partners for granted?
- Are you cut off from your familly>
5-10 Yes answers indicates you are a moderate distancer.
11-20 Yes answers indicates you are a strong distancer
Make Up Don’t Break Up by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil – 2nd Edition pgs 10-11