When cheating happens in a relationship

In a recent interview with David Letterman, Jay Z opened up cheating on his wife Beyoncé and showed remorse. When cheating happens in a relationship, I tell my patients showing remorse, stopping the affair and getting help, so it does not reoccur is essential to making up, not breaking up and staying together after adultery.

Often the relationship gets better as it did with my parents after an affair since it can be a catalyst to work through the real issues finally that were disguised before.  An affair makes the couple take seriously the real issues camouflaged by the affair.

It’s necessary to learn the best way to confess an affair and how to confront an affair if you want to save the relationship.

Most relationships can be saved even after an affair, as long as you know tips like this These tips are taken from my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – How to confess an affair – Chapter 9 and for the deceived how to confront AND GET ANSWERS !!!)

The things I recommend not to do are: Do not ask are you having an affair, no open-ended questions if you want the truth!!!, Don’t beat around the bush,  and don’t threaten if you want the truth.  If you confess –  timing is everything, but not if your partner is heavily stressed that day!!

When you answer these questions, remember sometimes honesty can be cruelty, so no gruesome details, so your partner does not leave, due to words he/she will never forget.

For more tips check out my book  Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – Turned into a movie  Unfaithful: Discovery Health that goes over my new groundbreaking theory for the cure and treatment of adultery.

If your relationship is at risk because of an affair, I am here to help you.  Your relationship can be saved despite an affair.  I have a 98% success rate with my patients staying together after the betrayal of an affair.  You can reach me directly at  212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach

The best-selling author of:

Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery

Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples

Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker

Should The Betrayed Ever Meet The Lover?

This is the final post of the three-part series. Often the betrayer feels sorry for or does not want to hurt the paramour or lover and cannot end the affair! Then the betrayed must step in, however, there are strict guidelines for when and how to confront the lover and when contradicted!

While this may sound like the plot of a Grade B psychological thriller, I believe it is sometimes helpful for the Betrayed to meet the lover, even if only over the telephone. Unhealthy obsession is the usual reason I recommend a controlled confrontation in a neutral area between Betrayed and lover. If the betrayed spouse is so obsessed with thoughts and questions about the lover that he/she cannot move past it into forgiveness, reconciliation, acceptance of responsibility or even grieving for the damaged marriage, the process is stagnant and progress becomes impossible.

Remember, your spouse’s lover is probably not as gorgeous, brilliant, virile, or irresistible as you imagine. In fact, chances are good that the lover is a lot like you, your spouse’s true image, his or her opposite. After all, you have the characteristics that caused your spouse to see you as having the missing parts that made him/her a whole person. Despite the fact that he or she has cheated, in almost all cases, you are your spouse’s true love.

Every suggestion, exercise, and contract in Can We Cure and Forgive

Adultery, Understanding Our Biochemical Craving For Connection is presented with the objective of helping you and your spouse to rekindle that love and keep it glowing in your hearts forever. Meanwhile, however, you must resolve any questions or obsession you have with your spouse’s lover before you can move forward.

Confronting the lover is necessary if your partner wants to stop cheating, has the motivation but can’t take the action.  When I treat couples I also see whether the betrayed’s subliminal message is it’s OK just don’t leave me! I teach boundaries, and guidelines to the couple to use adultery to identify what’s really wrong and fix it (getting rid of the smoke screen of adultery.)

I am here to support you with any questions you may have from how to make up to how to deal with an affair.  Please do not hesitate to call me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach

The best-selling author of:

Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery

Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples

Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – Turned into a movie  Unfaithful: Discovery Health

Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker

 

How To End An Affair

The affair must stop for change to occur, however,  ending an affair is easier said than done.  This is the 2nd of a three-part series.

If you didn’t end your affair before you confessed it, you must do so immediately. You cannot begin to restore trust with your mate until he/she is certain that you are having no contact with your former lover (which we’ll discuss more later in this chapter). Giving up the affair may be harder than you expect, and will probably cause you to feel very sad. You must allow yourself to grieve—and your spouse must accept this process, too—before you can move on to a “new” relationship with your mate. You will simultaneously be grieving your damaged relationship with your spouse—an emotion the two of you can share—and looking at the early stress, loss, and separation (refer to Chapter 2 if you need to re-examine causes of early loss) that made it difficult for you to form a lasting, healthy relationship.

All of the psychological work I am recommending in this chapter that you undertake presupposes that you and your spouse are also attending to the biochemical and sugar imbalances—including any addictions to alcohol or drugs—that contributed to the relationship problems and resulting adultery.

Balancing your biochemistry and soothing your psyche must go hand-in-hand if either is to succeed for the long term. This is true for both members of a couple. As we’ve seen, both members of troubled couples often have sugar or biochemical imbalances, or chemical dependencies that contribute to the downward spiral their marriage takes once the “honeymoan” is over.

Most marriages can be saved even with adultery if an affair is stopped and many couples finally work out their underlying h issues then and reach real intimacy with adultery as it’s catalyst. I offer a groundbreaking theory, treatment, and protocol to my clients which has yielded a 98%  success rate when followed.

Next week I end this series with “Should the betrayed ever meet the lover?”

I am here to support you with any questions you may have from how to make up to how to deal with an affair.  Please do not hesitate to call me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

 

 

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach

The best-selling author of:

Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery

Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples

Adultery: The Forgivable Sin

Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wreck

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