Restore the magic and repair the damage after an affair
“Restore the magic and repair the damage after an affair,” says Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil.
You CAN restore the magic and repair the damage after an affair.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil says, “This requires teaching empathy to the adulterer and looking for remorse and helping the betrayed see the equal signs of betrayal that contribute to an affair.”
Here are some adultery warning signs:
• Is your partner introducing or suggesting new sexual techniques;
• Bringing up the name of a colleague or neighbor frequently;
• Is your partner spending more time away at business meetings;
• Is your spouse doing good deeds that usually are avoided, without prompting.
The Five Big Falsehoods About Adultery.
1. Adultery is About Sex;
2. Adultery is About Character;
3. Adultery is Therapeutic;
4. Adultery is Harmless;
5. Adultery has to End in Divorce
This and much more is discussed in further detail in Dr. Eaker-Weil’s books, Adultery The Forgivable Sin and Make Up, Don’t Break Up – Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association as Manhattan’s best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples(including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN.
Dr. Bonnie is also available for phone therapy. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
Beware of December 23rd: Mistress Day
Consider this a heads up to wives: beware of December 23rd. Pre Christmas Day is Mistress Day, says marriage and relationship therapist, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil.
You may be looking forward to a special Christmas Day, but your husband may be keeping someone else out late the night before. According to AOL reports, December 23rd is possibly busier for florists, restaurant reservations, and lingerie stores because men, especially those with the Madonna-mistress complex, are wining and dining their mistresses just before Christmas.
The mistress feels like the second fiddle being honored on the 23rd, so often the husband over corrects to alleviate the guilt of “sloppy seconds.” He might buy lavish and romantic presents for her like diamonds and jewelry, while the wife gets a more “practical” gift like a blender or vacuum cleaner. According to research done by Ashley Madison, a website created for “discreet encounters,” cheating husbands are likely to spend over 2 times the amount of money on their mistresses compared to gifts for their wives. Dr. Bonnie says this is to pacify the mistresses who are relegated to “leftover time,” as most of his time is spent at work or with family. The husband uses gifts to make up for her lack of status.
Dr. Bonnie wants you to heed the warning signs of Christmas Mistress Day. Pay attention if you’re noticing late nights in mid-December, vagueness about his whereabouts, or a distant and distracted partner. The husband may even be taking his wife out to the exact same restaurant for Christmas Eve as he did his mistress the night before. Same maitre d, same waiter, same food, different woman! Dr. Bonnie explains the Madonna Mistress complex, as found in Adultery: The Forgivable Sin, as a symptom of men “splitting” their wives in half emotionally. The wife is the madonna–she is put on a pedestal as mother and caretaker of him and his children. The mistress fulfills his need for thrill seeking, mystery, novelty. She is used for excitement and physical desires. Men with this complex might forget romantic touches like a card, chocolates, or flowers, but will fulfill their perfunctory duty by taking their partners out to dinner. Some other warning signs of the madonna-mistress complex include a partner’s physical rejection, even when the other is wearing lingerie or “spicing things up,” rejecting date night, or provoking arguments when wife is playful or flirty. He comes late into marital bed nightly after wife asleep, “jumps “out of bed before wife awakes to go to the gym, makes sure he is not alone with wife, brings family along always, is “tired” for face to face, or is a workaholic. Maybe, conversations revolve around work or children only. If these warning signs are familiar, seek out counseling as the relationship is ripe for an affair. Adultery can be prevented, treated, and forgiven if it is caught early, and the adulterer stops the behavior and shows remorse. Dr. Bonnie advocates having an affair with your own partner to avoid what she calls the “Biochemical Craving for Connection” with a mistress (as demonstrated in Oprah and Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful“).
She recommends using SmartHeart skills from “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” to prevent adultery and become a mistress instead of only a madonna.
It is important to go out with your husband. Make no excuses. Dress up and don’t talk about problems, kids, or money. Use the time to connect and court intimacy.
Do not drink alcohol during a rough patch. It is a depressant and makes you more confrontational and aggressive when talking about your problems with each other.
Sometimes, make sure to be more of a mistress than a caretaker. Don’t give unwanted advice.
Recreate those same brain chemicals you had when you first fell in love, back when you were in the honeymoon stage.
A simple 20-second hug will rejuvenate dopamine and leave you with a fully alive, happy feeling. A 30-second kiss produces oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” making partners feel bonded and safe with each other. Keep falling in love with your own partner by having an affair with your own partner.
How to Avoid Holiday Stress
Too much togetherness? Stress for the holidays – Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Years
Family time is a time to cherish but through the holidays it can cause stress. Follow the tips below provided by relationship therapist Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil to make it through the upcoming holidays.
Whether or not you typically look forward to the holidays, spending time with family can cause added stress. Don’t fret or feel guilty if you feel anxious or dread. “There can be such a thing as too much togetherness”, says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. Fortunately there are a few tips and tricks to balance even the most volatile of family functions – just remember, “expectations of ‘one big happy family’ can kill the holidays if people try too hard to force the issue,” says Dr. Bonnie. Time together should be natural, not forced. To that end, here are a dozen tips to help families through the holidays.
1. Have activities planned. The Nintendo Wii is the perfect example – families can communicate and be active, but still minimize expectations of intimacy
2. Stay away from heavy topics such as politics and other hot-button issues.
3. Keep things light – avoid confrontation.
4. For people that have had a previous falling out with a family member, call ahead to smooth things over a few weeks before the family event, and don’t discuss it at the event.
5. Call ahead if you look forward to particular food and offer to bring it. Remind your family of the ritual of your favorite dish!
6. If you come from a chaotic, dysfunctional family keep visits short and stay at a hotel.
7. When possible host holiday gatherings on your own turf so you have control – and don’t offer your home up for people to stay there.
8. Everything in balance to avoid arguments. Remember: drinking and sugary holiday goodies can lead people to be more argumentative.
9. You don’t have to be super woman or man. It’s OK to ask for help before or hire help. Hosts should talk over the expectations and agenda with their partner and kids so everyone’s clear on the role that they’ll play.
10. Tell people what to bring to minimize cost or duplicates on the part of the host.
11. Remember: Different strokes for different folks – ask people to bring movies that they like, and even extra DVD players to mitigate argument and conflict.
12. If Aunt Edie brings her favorite inedible cake, tell her it’s so special you want to freeze and save for the New Year (so you don’t have to serve it). Same with a non-drinkable bottle of wine.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association as Manhattan’s best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN.
Dr. Bonnie is also available for phone therapy. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
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Wives Beware: February 13th is Pre-Valentine’s Day for Mistresses!
February 13th is Pre-Valentine’s Day for mistresses. According to an AOL Report the 13th or the day before Valentine’s Day is busier for florists, restaurant reservations and lingerie stores due to a “Madonna-Whore complex (where he sees a woman as a whore/lover or wife-saint)”, husbands are out with their mistresses, as Dr. Bonnie stresses.
The husbands are wining and dining their mistresses at the same restaurants they take their wives to the next night, as maitre ‘d winks to husband! So women be forewarned and heed those the following warning signs:
- He is tired on Feb14th
- Forgets the day altogether
- He’s distracted
- He’s distant
He may over correct to make up for his “second fiddle” mistress by giving her expensive jewelry and you, the wife, a non-romantic gift like a blender or crockpot. If he has a mistress he will also forget those romantic pleasantries like flowers, candy, or cards for the wife, saving it for a mistress. Research shows cheating husbands spend over two times the amount on mistresses to make up for “sloppy seconds .” Other warning signs are he starts fights when you are flirty or playful, or rejects you physically when you wear sexy lingerie. He may have that Madonna-whore syndrome! Another sign he is cheating is he starts an argument to get out of taking you out on Valentine’s Day which alleviates his guilt for his cheating heart! The Madonna-whore complex is the splitting the wife in half emotionally. He sees the wife as Madonna, mother of his children, put on a pedestal as a Madonna, representing security, “home,” familiarity. He will then struggle to shift gears to see his wife as a sexy, erotic partner, due to the “splitting,” as a protective mechanism as I explain in my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin.
In Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples I give you ideas on how to have sizzle on Valentine’s Day and every day!
We want to help you prevent cheating in your relationship this holiday season, get our FREE online resource!
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
!Best-selling author of:
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker
Beware of FOOTBALL ATTENTION NEUROSIS (F.A.N.)
“Beware of FOOTBALL ATTENTION NEUROSIS (F.A.N.)” but, Dr. Bonnie, football/relationship therapist, has a highly recommended, simple, tried-and-true cure!
I WAS INTRIGUED by Benedict Carey’s F.A.N. Feb 1st 2011 article in the Science section of the NY Times .
A few years ago as a “football therapist” I coincidentally was interviewed by a sports writer at the NY Times in the sports section on Superbowl Sunday on “the marriage” of Brady and Belichick.
Re: F.A.N. I advocate an addictive, tried and true technique for the playoffs and especially the Super Bowl!
FOOTBALL THERAPY: “cuddling” and kissing during half time and before the game like foreplay, pre-football play or PFP (oxytocin known as the cuddle hormone) to reverse the anxiety, fear, rage, hyperactivity, heart palpitations to name a few experienced with Football Attention Neurosis.
The cuddling and 30 second kissing produces oxytocin giving one a natural endorphin high. This trumps the self-medicating high of the Superbowl frenzy of overindulging food and alcohol that gives an energy low the next day.
Is it any wonder many want the day off the day after SuperBowl?
About the Author
Dr Bonnie Eaker-Weil, a relationship / football therapist is the author of Make Up Don’t Break Up. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship/football therapist who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and the US Commerce association as Manhattan’s best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN.
Dr. Bonnie is also available for phone therapy. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
Tips to Avoid Holiday Party Affair Season!
It’s not something you often hear amidst the holiday cheer, but it is important to be aware and beware during the holiday season. Many affairs begin at office parties. Alcohol releases inhibitions which can perpetuate any sexual chemistry and tension that may already exist between coworkers. Office parties put married employees in harm’s way. Perhaps it is that woman in accounting or that man who works in IT that peaks your interest at the workplace. As the holiday season approaches, the most innocent of office parties can turn into a long list of bad decisions for those who are married.
Over 90% of men and women fantasize about a coworker and attending the holiday party becomes a catalyst for extramarital affairs. If you are lonely and attracted to someone in the office, tell your partner that you need more personal attention and that you are starting to develop feelings for a coworker because you miss spending time with them.
It is not an easy task to steer clear of these parties without looking suspicious, so I’ve put together “Do’s and Don’ts” on how to get through the seasonal parties without ruining your marriage. These steps are guaranteed ways to hold the line amid temptation at office parties.
DO Bring your partner! Especially if you find someone in the office attractive, bring your partner to the party. Having that mutual support nearby will assist you with fighting those wandering thoughts and urges. If your partner cannot attend, it is important that you talk about your plans especially around the coworker that you find attractive. Discuss what you will do as a couple or speak about family traditions in order to jog your memory of how significant your marriage is to you throughout the event.
DO Go early to the party – Leave early – Go home alone. If your partner cannot attend the party, this simple mantra will ensure an easy escape from temptation. Typically these parties include alcohol and its effects lower inhibitions which can lead to disastrous decision making. Be sure to arrive early and leave earlier as most parties tend to become uproarious as the day rolls into night once the libations are dispersed. Staying 20 – 30 minutes to show your support for the company’s party is enough time to mingle with coworkers. Most importantly, no matter if the accountant’s car will not start or the IT guy just cannot seem to find his keys, go home alone!
DO Think of your partner three times a day in a positive light during the work hours. Picture the coworker you fantasize ten pounds heavier and ten years older.
DON’T Drink. The mistletoe, alcohol, and romance of the season appears to give consent to lose control at office parties and can result in igniting illicit passion. It may not be the “cool thing to do” but it can certainly save you from a world of problems. Enjoy seasonal drinks like eggnog and virgin cocktails. Non-alcoholic beer is also an option, it is socially acceptable, tastes better than ever before and most locations even offer a variety to choose from.
DON’T Dance the Lambada. Avoid dancing too closely with coworkers and keep appropriate space in general while socializing. Do not forget that this is an office party and those human resources rules still apply. A sexual harassment claim filed against you is not how you will want to ring in the New Year at the office.
DON’T Flirt. Flirting during the holiday season can lead to other activities rather quickly – especially under the influence of alcohol. Remain professional, avoid racy jokes, watch your body language and definitely do not meet ANYONE under the mistletoe.
This season can bring forth reminiscent feelings which can spark anxious thoughts and even depression leaving you vulnerable to make terrible decisions. Hold the line against temptation and do not mix business with pleasure at office parties. Be sure you and your partner create sizzle together before and after a holiday party this season — have an affair with your own partner and turn up the heat!!
For more information on how to hold that line and temptation at office parties, be sure to check out Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil’s, Adultery: the Forgivable Sin, made into a Lifetime movie starring Kate Jackson; Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery; and also, Make Up, Don’t Break Up – including the downloadable video Falling in Love and Staying in Love.
How to Survive Thanksgiving with Difficult Guests (your family anyone?) Any One You Know?
Dr Bonnie author of Make Up, Don’t Break Up gives SmartHeart Tips for difficult guests so you can survive your family get together at your house
• Encourage Outdoor Activity before Dinner so Endorphins prevent cranky or critical guests who will be elated from the Exercise like Football or Long Walks
• Sit your hard of hearing Uncle next to someone who is loud and loves to talk.
• Sit an argumentative politician type next to a cute child as a real buffer!
• Have the troublemakers feel needed to stay out of trouble by giving them useful tasks like shining the silver or putting out the candy or carving the turkey.
How to Transition from the Pandemic to “Living Again”?
Dr. Bonnie, therapist and author of Make Up Don’t Break Up encourages us to be in the moment!
And focus on learning how to be joyful again after the unknown, endured in the pandemic.
1. Expect less from yourself and others as you make the bridge to some sense of normalcy.
2. Focus on having “safe”, PLANNED fun ( or it will not happen) and self-care and self-compassion rather then pushing yourself or doing too many “should’s” like chores, as you ease into life again! R and R (rest and relaxation) will help make the transition to recharging, feeling good, and hopeful again!
3. It’s perfectly fine to EASE into being with people, a certain amount of anxiety is normal re: feeling “safe” due to the change in masks, interactions with others.
4. Take a few moments DAILY to take inventory in the morning and before bed of what you are THANKFUL for.
This will give you hope, and keep you positive, to put one foot in front of the other as you transition from the pandemic to “living again”. Remember “act as if” until you get there!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil, known as one of America’s best therapists, with more than 35 years’ experience, a global phone-based practice, and a private practice in New York City with a 98% success rate! New York Magazine listed her as one of New York City’s best therapists and the U.S. Commerce Association voted Dr. Bonnie Best Therapist 2011-2018. Dr. Weil’s accolades include recognition from being on The Oprah Winfrey Show five times chosen by Oprah as one of her top 10 shows in 25 years. Dr. Bonnie has also appeared on NBC’s The Today Show that featured her “live” couples who practiced her innovative communication skills from her featured best seller Make Up Don’t Break Up. Dr. Bonnie is frequently featured and gives expert relationship advice on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox News.
The best-selling author of:
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?
Visit Dr. Bonnie at https://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
Dr. Bonnie is available for phone therapy. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
Getting Back to Basics—- Romantic Tips after a Pandemic
If you are reuniting with loved one after the pandemic, ahead of time before getting together discuss how you will hug, if you will hug, who is “safe” ( vaccinated or immune or not) so both are comfortable.
As mentioned before married people have been reluctant to be intimate without safety precautions in place. This has effected bonding and yearning and feeling needed or needing that person.
So something as basic as not communicating and asking your partner their stance on taking a subway or bus or returning to the real office can halt romance after the pandemic .
1. Dr. Bonnie recommends daily and weekly 10 minute chats to discuss” after the pandemic” decisions to “check in” with your partner.
2. If both “safe” from either vaccination or being immune or tested do a 20 sec. hug with your partner for that “rush” or dopamine high DAILY.
3. Do that 30 second kiss DAILY for that oxytocin, to recreate those same chemicals you made when you first fell in love
4. Remember to make up, not break, up you need to stay in “touch” with your partner through REAL “touch”, and face to face communication, looking into each other’s eyes for intimacy.
5. Affirmations 20 seconds a day of why you are so lovable, from your partner and visa versa is how you slowly find your way back to each other!
6. TEXTING or zooming does not cut it!! Gazing in each other’s eyes and “touching” and the actual soothing of your loved one’s voice brings back those oxytocin and dopamine chemicals pre-pandemic and even from yester year to woo you back!
Remember it’s what happens OUTSIDE the bedroom that affects inside the bedroom. Make the time to make up not break up, that includes those of you who break up to make up. Its a CONSCIOUS choice to STAY in love and here’s how to do it so DO IT!!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil, known as one of America’s best therapists, with more than 35 years’ experience, a global phone-based practice, and a private practice in New York City with a 98% success rate! New York Magazine listed her as one of New York City’s best therapists and the U.S. Commerce Association voted Dr. Bonnie Best Therapist 2011-2018. Dr. Weil’s accolades include recognition from being on The Oprah Winfrey Show five times chosen by Oprah as one of her top 10 shows in 25 years. Dr. Bonnie has also appeared on NBC’s The Today Show that featured her “live” couples who practiced her innovative communication skills from her featured best seller Make Up Don’t Break Up. Dr. Bonnie is frequently featured and gives expert relationship advice on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox News.
The best-selling author of:
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?
Visit Dr. Bonnie at https://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
Dr. Bonnie is available for phone therapy. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
Why did the lack of touching and hugging for couples during the pandemic cause breakups now?
Why did the lack of touching and hugging for couples during the pandemic cause breakups now?
Dr. Bonnie, author of Make Up Don’t Break Up, is seeing more breakups AFTER the pandemic with even couples that lived together harmoniously during the pandemic. The lack of touch, hugging, kissing can make some “not in the mood”, like “if you don’t use it you lose it “. This can be a false sense of “I’m not feeling it, I’m not in love anymore”. It has to do Dr Bonnie says with oxytocin, the cuddle hormone that is elicited when we kiss or touch or make love! It makes us feel safe and bond with our partner, lack of it can contribute to a “wandering eye, she says in her book Aduitery the Forgivable Sin”.
Many, even engaged or marrieds did not make love or kiss or touch during the pandemic, for fear of exposing their loved ones. As a result many now feel like room mates and mistake this for “falling out of love”, rather then recreating through rituals the same chemicals they made when they first fell in love!
As the USAToday article on May 29 tells us hugging reduces stress, improves the immune system, and Dr Bonnie says gives us a high, a rush from the dopamine it elicits! Touch is a way we communicate and connect and lack of it brings on anxiety or even depression, we misread as I need a new partner to make me feel better.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil, known as one of America’s best therapists, with more than 35 years’ experience, a global phone-based practice, and a private practice in New York City with a 98% success rate! New York Magazine listed her as one of New York City’s best therapists and the U.S. Commerce Association voted Dr. Bonnie Best Therapist 2011-2018. Dr. Weil’s accolades include recognition from being on The Oprah Winfrey Show five times chosen by Oprah as one of her top 10 shows in 25 years. Dr. Bonnie has also appeared on NBC’s The Today Show that featured her “live” couples who practiced her innovative communication skills from her featured best seller Make Up Don’t Break Up. Dr. Bonnie is frequently featured and gives expert relationship advice on ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox News.
The best-selling author of:
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
Dr. Bonnie is available for phone therapy. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.