Tips to Bring Back Sizzle

Wouldn’t life be easy if people were like mood rings where they would change color depending on mood? Or perhaps were like Facebook where you could read their mood status at any given moment? Many couples may know their partner is unhappy but they don’t know how to change it and make it better. How to bring back the honeymoon feeling of when they first fell in love and bring back the “romance magic” that sizzle of when they first met! I specialize in assisting couples in finding that spark that initially started the fire between the couple. Couples need to fight fair to air the issues weekly to create the passion the relationship needs.

Some tips for couples to get back that sizzle:

Check in daily to see if your partner is feeling loved the way they need to be loved, are they getting enough attention and are all their needs met? Significant others need to walk in each others shoes to feel how they feel.

Couples should give verbal aphrodisiacs daily to increase the passion and each others self esteem. Tell your partner something that will make them feel good daily, you’re so beautiful, I love your hair that way, dinner is amazing. Verbal aphrodisiacs are imperative in any relationship.

Give each other a 30 second kiss and 20 second hug to bond you and increase the oxytocin levels in your brain. This is the feel good hormone that will make you feel like you first fell in love.

Everyone needs to learn the keys to a lasting relationship, and the importance of fighting fair. Relationships require daily work and daily rituals to keep strong. Learn more tips to keep every relationship feeling new in my online course.

How to have a winter affair with your own partner

As Storm Stella prepares to blanket the Northeast with snow, I implore you to use it as an excuse to make some long-lasting winter memories! While not being able to get to scheduled appointments – like work, school, meetings, etc – can be stressful, it’s important to use the mandatory down-time to rekindle a spark with your significant other. Refocus this downtime and put it to good use.

Here are a few of the things you can do to have a winter affair with your own partner:
Mix up a hot drink and then cozy up with each other. Whether it’s hot chocolate or hot toddy, getting warm together doesn’t HAVE to involve sex! Start out with something simple like a drink to warm up and snuggle up together by reading a book, playing a game, or beginning a project.

Let it lead to sex. Studies show that during big storms people usually make love, make babies or fight. Starting by reconnecting with something simple (a book, a game, etc.), can lead to a more intimate conclusion. Make the most of your time indoors, since there’s nowhere else you can be, even if you wanted to. Instead of letting obligations cause stress, let go of responsibilities by having an affair with your own partner.

Get outside. That’s right ~ it may be cold but when people don’t have anywhere to be, why not relive the excitement that snow days brought as a kid? These types of opportunities often bring out our inner child, so go with it, get playful and see where it leads. Couples may learn something new about each other, discover something new they can do together (who doesn’t love making snowmen?), and if nothing else, have a good time goofing around together.

Recreate the chemicals couples experienced when they first fell in love. Take this opportunity to give a 30 second kiss and/or 20 second hug to reconnect and fall back in love.

Determining if You Have a Viable Relationship

Women often ask how they can determine if the man they’re dating is someone with whom they can have a viable relationship.  Here are some guidelines on keeping the relationship going and when you should let go.

When to hang in:
  1. He makes movement toward you
  2. He is somewhat conscious of his needs and is willing to be taught about yours
  3. He is willing to look at his distance and closeness issues
  4. He spends more time with you, even if he says he doesn’t want to get serious
  5. He validates your feelings and needs
  6. He is connectable by instruction (Men need a prescription. They are logical and like to know exactly what to do)
When to let go:
  1. He treats you like you’re invisible
  2. He is not spending time with you and keeps making excuses
  3. He puts you last
  4. He can’t meet any of your needs
  5. He calls you demanding (because he can’t meet them)
  6. He’s inconsistent
  7. He’s dishonest
  8. He’s not willing to be conscious of your relationship and work on it together
The natural state for a man is distance.  Once you know this, you don’t take it personally anymore. You get smart and learn how to keep the connection going because as a woman, you are the guardian of the connection.

People who play together, stay together.

According to the Journal of Personality and Social Sciences, couples who engage in adrenaline-raising, novel activities are happier. That doesn’t mean that you have to bungee jump or skydive but you do have to do something playful.  You can’t just go on a date and have dinner together, you have to engage in high energy play.  Any fun, novel, and exciting activity can bring that sex spark back.

No better aphrodisiac than helping a woman around the house

There is no better aphrodisiac than helping a woman around the house. Women work 36 hours inside the house in addition to their careers. According to a 2015 report done by the University of Alberta. Couples who share household work fairly equally report having more frequent and more satisfying sex. That means that if men want to have more sex, they need to help out, so the woman doesn’t burn out.

Never underestimate the power of love and never take it for granted!

“I will connect with you, detach myself from my own thoughts and intentions so I can hear you and walk in your shoes”

This is an example of a SmartHeart Vow from real-life couples. They are demonstrating fighting fair as seen in free bonus video that comes with purchase of Dr. Bonnie’s book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up

Spring has sprung!

Spring has sprung! Winter doldrums will lift soon when we see warmer and more consistent weather.
Today is the first day of spring. For some, winter doldrums may remind you of your moody partner. For you to share: what to do with a moody partner who sometimes drains us. Check out and share Dr. Bonnie’s, author of Make Up, Don’t Break Up, video on your moody partner . Do not enable this damaging behavior which wrecks emotional intimacy. Instead, learn from this video and watch passions soar!

Even When Sleeping Separately, You’re Not Just Roommates

The National Sleep Foundation found that 1 in 4 married couples sleep in separate bedrooms! The National Association of Homebuilders predicted this years ago and started building dual master bedrooms as the new norm for custom houses. Different sleep schedules, snoring, and restless leg syndrome make it hard to sleep together, so people sleep separately instead. Couples can feel shame and worry about what sleeping in separate bedrooms means, but it’s becoming less of an indicator of fear of intimacy to those who opt for this arrangement to prevent fights or distance.

Even though it’s becoming more acceptable, you’re missing out on some of the most important bedtime rituals. Couples kiss and cuddle and have romantic and significant pillow talk before bed, especially when they go to bed at the same time. Some say you can still do that, and then go to separate bedrooms for sleeping. Some compensate by eating dinner together and spending more time together during waking hours. What happens outside the bedroom sets up what happens inside the bedroom. Set up romance magic. The cuddle hormone, Oxytocin, is activated by cuddling and sex and is needed even if you are in separate bedrooms. Many of my patients feel rejected when their partner retreats to different bedrooms. They feel like roommates, if they are not practicing romance magic in addition. “Not just roommates” has to be reinforced to restore and maintain sizzle-including goodnight and pillow talk rituals! This is essential connecting time. to be put in place even stronger with emotional and physical intimacy a real priority to negate the fallout of sleeping in separate bedrooms. In cases of snoring and separate bedrooms, these tips can save a marriage.

Join my Education2Go course for more tips on romance magic…/marriage-and-relationships and read “Make Up, Don’t Break Up”

Is your partner narcissistic?

These are the questions to ask:

  • Does he disconnect and expect to pick up and reconnect where he left off with no explanation?
  • Does he talk the talk , but not walk the walk?
  • Does he show no empathy if he hurts you?
  • Does he accuse you of overreacting rather than take accountability for his actions?
  • Does he blame you for wanting too much when he disappoints you?
  • Does he project his shortcomings onto you?
  • Is he allergic to your emotions and discussions?

If you answered yes to these questions, it’s time to learn what to do with and how to handle a narcissistic partner.

Many that are narcissistic are actually connectable by instruction with learned “Smart Heart Skills.”
Watch and share Dr. Bonnie’s video on narcissistic partners:

For more tips check out my online education2go course. Why not invite your partner to join you?…/marriage-and-relationships
“I will connect with you, detach myself from my own thoughts and intentions so I can hear you and walk in your shoes”
This is an example of a SmartHeart Vow from real-life couples. They are demonstrating fighting fair as seen in free bonus video that comes with purchase of Dr. Bonnie’s book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up:…/…/ref=sr_1_2…
Never underestimate the power of love and never take it for granted!

“Forgetting” Valentine’s Day is No Coincidence says Dr. Bonnie

Warning to men: “Forgetting Valentine’s Day is not coincidental” says relationship therapist and adultery expert, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. “It’s an unconscious, destructive, grudge holding, romance wrecker.” Make Valentine’s Day sizzle instead!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD warns couples about how Valentine’s Day can be destructive and can even lead to divorce. It does not have to be, consider Valentine’s day a litmus test for taking the temperature of a marriage or relationship. Wives or girlfriends expect romance magic and sizzle on the most romantic day of the year. Instead, they are extremely disappointed if their husbands or boyfriends “forget” this romantic holiday.

Forgetting Valentine’s Day is “accidentally” on purpose to create drama, a fight, even a breakup, temporary as it may be. It’s a wake-up call, and a cry for help. His behavior is a symptom of unresolved relationship debris. Dr. Bonnie calls it “revenge forgetting” to her patients. The “forgetful” partner may have some resentment or hold a grudge with anger. Maybe he feels taken for granted or hates feeling nagged (brought on by stonewalling or not listening) or demanded upon. He may harbor negative feelings subconsciously, so he redirects this by disappointing her. He displaces his own quiet rage by getting his wife angry.

Some excuses women should never accept are: it’s only a retail holiday, it’s too commercial, every day is Valentine’s Day, restaurants are crowded and too expensive, or florists rip you off. These excuses cause disappointing feelings and are real “romance wreckers.” They set the stage for distance, detachment, and possibly divorce.

Dr. Bonnie teaches SmartHeart skills, as emphasized in Make Up, Don’t Break Up, to help identify a grudge and prevent build up of resentments. Learning how to “fight fair” can increase passion by clearing the air. These “skills” especially help men learn to communicate by appointment instead of walking out of the room during discussions. “Fair fighting” teaches empathy and affection and this increases passion when the offending partner has a time limit for fighting and has permission do so, in short intervals. Examples, performed by real, live couples, can be found in Make Up, Don’t Break Up’s accompanying video, “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples.” Men need many “time outs.” They are allergic to women’s emotionality. With “fair fighting,” men can air their resentments instead of storing them and the conflict works as an aphrodisiac for eventual passion. The power is in getting heard, not getting mad. Letting go of grudges is not about being right or fair, it’s about what works.

If a partner is missing out on Valentine’s day, he is missing out on one of the most romantic days and moments for potential intimacy. Forgetting the holiday is often a recurring pattern, so Dr. Bonnie suggests combating that by encouraging wives and girlfriends to take the initiative. Remind him about the Valentine’s Day, go shopping with him for it, and get him excited about the celebration. To seize the moment, use Dr. Bonnie’s SmartHeart tips from her book “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” and accompanying video “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples.” Since Valentine’s Day can be used to measure the temperature of a relationship, more often than not, men forgetting Valentine’s Day is a sign of something more. These warning signs can be signs of adultery or the ripening of a relationship for an affair, so heed the warning. Men are not in touch with their feelings and typically hold in these feelings. Men need to be guided as they don’t always know how to feel or what they feel. Most men are “connectable by instruction.” To quote Dr. Jeff Weil, Dr. Bonnie’s husband, “If I knew what I felt, I would tell you, so I welcome your help.” SmartHeart dialogue was born by dialoguing to help Jeff understand what he was feeling and be able to express it. SmartHeart dialogue helps them dig deep with small doses of communication and results in an endorphin high with “play” after the talks.

Kissing is a “Smart Heart” opportunity that emits Oxytocin and releases “feel good” hormones that bond you to your partner and create a feeling of safety. This negates the bad feelings a partner might harbor. If issues remain unresolved, they are a wake up call and a cry for help, so Dr. Bonnie recommends counseling. Romance should be number one priority on your list and it is the first to go when relationship troubles are brewing.

Beyond forgetting Valentine’s year after year, some other signs that he may be secretly harboring a grudge include,: excusing his behavior, minimizing the holiday, putting down his partner for wanting to celebrate, makes fun of the holiday, acting like a Scrooge, pushing partner away, turned off when affection is initiated by the other, leaves early in the day, comes home late, is argumentative, is not talkative around you but is with others, little or no intimacy with partner, “too tired” or uses work to distance themselves, shuts down when approached, stonewalls with silence, denies anything is wrong, does not want to discuss the grudge, or gets moody when asked about it.

To grudge bust,: do not say yes when mean no, watch out for delayed reactions that cause resentment later, stand your ground, don’t cave even if it’s easier, “act as if” even if you don’t “feel” the good feelings, do not do “peace at any price” it leads to war, write letter representing partner’s apology for hurt caused and show your partner the feelings.

For more information on “fighting fair” to fight grudges and SmartHeart skills, enroll in Dr. Bonnies online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Check out her book, winner of NYTimes Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more warning signs and solutions to reach magic in marriage.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin(adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at

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