NFL Wives Cheat Proof Their Marriages
New York, NY…………..Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD endorses the group of NFL wives who created Off The Market as an attempt to shore up their celebrity marriages and “cheat proof” their relationships. Author of Make Up Don’t Break Up, Dr. Bonnie explains that athletes are more apt to cheat for a few reasons. “People who become athletes are more apt to engage in risky behavior due to their biological make-up. There is a certain amount of stress that comes with the territory of being a celebrated athlete. The combination of media exposure, being physically attractive, and easy access to admiring fans adds up to opportunity.”
“Cheating is not an accident, it is a choice,” Dr. Bonnie explains. “The fact that this group of NFL wives have taken their secret fears out of the closet, exposed them publicly, and are willing to take steps to strengthen their marriages is a great step forward.”
The book Make Up Don’t Break Up offers tips to strengthen emotional intimacy—the glue of good marriages. “Kiss often, give long hugs, support more and criticize less are some of the tips I offer to keep a partner from straying.” Dr. Bonnie teaches couples that if they are not getting their needs met, or have issues in a marriage, cheating is not the answer. “Cheating is a temporary fix for an underlying problem that straying won’t fix. And, the recovery from infidelity is a difficult path. It takes years to recover from this type of betrayal.”
Inspired Media Communications*www.inspiredMC.com*Diane Dennis*503-678-1356
How to Holiday Proof Your Marriage
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of Make Up Don’t Break Up warns couples that they must “holiday proof” their marriage and family in these economically challenging times.
“Holiday stress coupled with money anxiety is a set up for marital problems,” warns Dr. Bonnie. There is a direct correlation between stress and behavior that can be detrimental to relationships. From drinking too much, over eating, lack of sleep, and a myriad of other stress related behaviors a marriage on the brink can suffer irreparable damage.
According to a 2006 survey by the American Psychological Association (http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2006/12/women-stress.aspx) women are susceptible to feeling more stressed and engage in unhealthy behaviors during the holidays.
Dr. Bonnie suggests that both partners engage in activities that counteract the stresses many couples are sure to experience this holiday season. “Kiss more, hold more, and look for activities that create playful fun that aren’t costly.” Dr. Bonnie also recommends that couples tell the truth to their extended friends, family and children about their economic situation. “Don’t write checks you don’t have money for. Send a card with a loving sentiment instead of gifts. Friends and family will understand, and are most likely in similar economic situations.”
Another stress to marriages is unhappy kids who act out. Parents must also realize that their children feel stress, and busy parents miss the cues. “According to a 2009 study, (http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2009/11/stress.aspx), teens and tweens were more likely than parents to say that their stress had increased in the last year. Nearly half of the teens surveyed ages 13-17 said that they worried more this year, but only 28 percent of parents think their teen’s stress increased, and while a quarter of tweens ages 8-12 said they worried more this year, only 17 percent of parents believed their tween’s stress had increased. “This has two implications. Children are more stressed than ever, and parents aren’t aware,” explains Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie recommends that parents have healthy and honest discussions with their children about their fears and concerns, and teach appropriate behaviors to relieve stress, like playing ball instead of video games. Physical activity releases stress, while sitting exacerbates it.
Make Up Don’t Break Up offers communication tips, and assists couples develop skills to stay together when faced with adversity and the stressors of daily life.
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Life Sex & Menopause
When the news that 50-year-old Linda Hogan, ex-wife of famed wrestler Hulk Hogan got engaged to her 21-year-old boyfriend Charlie Hill, eyebrows shot up. Although it is common to see older men in relationships with younger women, the “cougar” dynamic of older women dating younger men remains taboo in the eyes of many. But statistics tell another story. A study compiled by AARP magazine shows that 34 percent of women over 40 are dating younger men. The study stated that the higher divorce rate over the last several years has contributed to the amount of single, 50+ women swimming in the dating pool.
Relationship expert Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, finds the cougar syndrome a boost to a woman’s waning sex drive and self esteem. As a woman ages, menopause can wreak havoc with her libido. “What better way to feel energized and more attractive, than to piggyback off a younger mans high libido. A younger energetic man helps a woman feel younger and more alive.”
Many women suffer from feelings of inadequacy as they transition into menopause. Dating a younger man can be a boost to the ego during a time when women often describe feeling invisible. And, it isn’t just the women driving the cougar relationships. Young men reportedly have no fear of being put down by their peers when there’s cougars like Demi Moore, married to a much younger Ashton Kutcher. For younger men, the attraction is finding older women confident, sexually mature, independent and knowing what they want.
In her book Make Up Don’t Break Up, Dr. Weil encourages singles to find ways to bring up that loving feeling, and for a woman facing issues of aging; a younger man might be the catalyst that picks up her pulse.
Long-term divorce
After 40 years of marriage, famous political couple, Al and Tipper Gore are splitting up. The reason – at least the one being given – is abnormal within high visibility power couples: they simply grew apart. There’s no prostitution ring that’s been uncovered, no scandal that’s come out, no secretive trips or love children or taboo behavior.
It’s a misconception that couples who divorce later into their marriage are few and far between. According to an economist at Wharton who studies family trends, couples ARE more likely to divorce in the first ten years of marriage but after that the percentage of those divorcing each year is very similar throughout the years of marriage. In other words, there’s not a drop off point, a magic number that once you make it to, means you’re home free.
Case in point – on the heels of Tipper and Al’s announcement comes word that his oldest daughter, Karenna, married for 12 years, may also be seeking a divorce. She announced that she has been separated from her husband for the past three months.
So while there’s no “safe” point in terms of how long a couple has been married, there ARE things couples can do to ensure they’re growing closer together – and not further apart – as the years go on.
1. Smart Heart Dialogue: This is the first tip I always start with and one that I go into in great detail in Make Up Don’t Break Up. Most of us know that open, honest communication is key in a relationship, but it has to go deeper than that. We must create a safe space where each person feels comfortable sharing their concerns, struggles and emotions, even if sometimes those things are painful to hear.
2. Fight Fair: Fighting gets a bad rap. But the truth is, it can be a sign of a passionate, engaged relationship – you just have to know how to do it correctly! I suggest putting on an emotional “bullet-proof vest” where each partner agrees to be sensitive but frank and to not take things personally. But the bottom line is, don’t push things under the rug and believe the lie that people in good marriages don’t fight. It’s HOW you fight that’s important.
3. Have an affair with your partner: Why does it seem to be the case that we only hurt the ones we love? We tend to show our “best selves” to the people who play less-important roles in our lives. Aside from learning to be nice to each other again, and learning to treat each other respectfully, bring back things that you did when you first met – and feel free to spice it up. Make these activities your top priority! Remember, a touch CAN be magical! It can get your hormones flowing and build attraction. Rediscover romance by bringing physical connection – at whatever lever you’re comfortable with – back into your life.
For more ideas on how to rekindle the spark of a relationship – or keep it burning! – check out my book, Make Up Don’t Break Up.
Smartheart skills from Dr. Bonnie for women to tell men
Instead of anger use love so you can connect.
Smart heart questions for women
by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
Do you sabotage closeness?
Do you push for closeness at times when you know your partner wants distance?
Do you give instead of setting limits and standing your ground?
Do you react with anger or disappointment when he doesn’t “read your mind” and do or say what you were hoping for, but didn’t verbalize?
Do you send him on guilt trips when he needs to connect?
Do you enable his selfishness?
Smart Heart Dialogue
“I really love making dinner for you because I can tell how much you appreciate it. I just wish we had more time to have fun after dinner.”
“Why don’t we do our dishes together so we can get them done quickly and watch the football together?”
Smartheart skills from Dr. Bonnie for women to tell men
Make him accountable for his distancing gently. So you can have a reconnection.
Smartheart skills from Dr. Bonnie for women to tell men
Help men to say no, make it safe