You CAN avoid the “normal” power struggle when making home decisions and actually become closer!

If you’ve visited this site before, you will remember that we all pick a person who gives us the most trouble—it’s supposed to be that way as opposites attract. Why? The person who challenges your tastes or spends differently than you can actually challenge you in a positive way. That is, if you both learn the simple smartheart skills to balance your differences—then you will actually get closer! As you and your partner embark on this new and exciting journey, it’s important to keep a few things in mind:

Recognize and accept the “normal” fear

Remember moving in together is a beautiful, romantic but also scary step for couples. Instead of recognizing the “normal” fear moving in (getting closer) brings on, couples “fight” to rationalize they should break up instead of make up. Let the love shine through and work harder as love, like life, is a reasonable risk.

Decor isn’t a dealbreaker

Moving in and picking out furniture should never be a problem. In fact, it is a great “non-problem” and is a part of the moving in process that should be enjoyed. Spend some time together and sort through both you and your partner’s belongings. What should you keep, donate, or toss? Find what you both agree on and make those decisions together. When it comes to buying new items (especially the big ticket ones), make sure to find a middle ground. When in doubt, look around for inspiration. Whether you’re purchasing paint for the walls or a dining table for years to come—there are plenty of resources online.

Make space for individual needs

When you’re in the process of moving in with your partner, the word “together” may be at the top of mind. While the majority of this process does involve coming together, it’s important to remember that you’re still an individual with individual needs, which are often different than your partners. Don’t lose the “I” when becoming “we.” Try carving out your own space within the shared space and talk with your partner about ways to be apart while still being together. Perhaps you’re an avid painter? It may be beneficial to have your own studio space—someplace to escape to.

Be comfortable with complications

To be “sure” and have no complications means being alone, and being alone means loneliness. How about being grateful you found someone you are in love and can afford moving in together with? All those wonderful, but sometimes tricky, decisions are because you married your opposite. If you do the work and hang in there you’ll see that opposites are more alike than different.

When the time comes to actually make the big move, try to remember the key points outlined above. Moving in with your partner should never be a reason to break up—it should be a process that you work through together and become closer while doing so.

Dr. Bonnie, author of Make Up Don’t Break Up and Financial Infidelity (helping couples discuss money) outlines these simple steps to moving in harmony, and recommends working on these skills BEFORE you shop so you enjoy “shopping till you drop” in the most romantic way and enjoy this honeymoon period!

Spring represents new beginnings, what better time to move in together.

I am here to support you with any questions you may have from how to make up to how to deal with an affair.  Please do not hesitate to call me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach

The best-selling author of:

Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery

Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples

Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – Turned into a movie  Unfaithful: Discovery Health

Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker

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