The affair must stop for change to occur, however,  ending an affair is easier said than done.  This is the 2nd of a three-part series.

If you didn’t end your affair before you confessed it, you must do so immediately. You cannot begin to restore trust with your mate until he/she is certain that you are having no contact with your former lover (which we’ll discuss more later in this chapter). Giving up the affair may be harder than you expect, and will probably cause you to feel very sad. You must allow yourself to grieve—and your spouse must accept this process, too—before you can move on to a “new” relationship with your mate. You will simultaneously be grieving your damaged relationship with your spouse—an emotion the two of you can share—and looking at the early stress, loss, and separation (refer to Chapter 2 if you need to re-examine causes of early loss) that made it difficult for you to form a lasting, healthy relationship.

All of the psychological work I am recommending in this chapter that you undertake presupposes that you and your spouse are also attending to the biochemical and sugar imbalances—including any addictions to alcohol or drugs—that contributed to the relationship problems and resulting adultery.

Balancing your biochemistry and soothing your psyche must go hand-in-hand if either is to succeed for the long term. This is true for both members of a couple. As we’ve seen, both members of troubled couples often have sugar or biochemical imbalances, or chemical dependencies that contribute to the downward spiral their marriage takes once the “honeymoan” is over.

Most marriages can be saved even with adultery if an affair is stopped and many couples finally work out their underlying h issues then and reach real intimacy with adultery as it’s catalyst. I offer a groundbreaking theory, treatment, and protocol to my clients which has yielded a 98%  success rate when followed.

Next week I end this series with “Should the betrayed ever meet the lover?”

I am here to support you with any questions you may have from how to make up to how to deal with an affair.  Please do not hesitate to call me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.

Here is to finding and keeping real love!



Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach

The best-selling author of:

Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery

Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples

Adultery: The Forgivable Sin

Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wreck


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