When cheating happens in a relationship

In a recent interview with David Letterman, Jay Z opened up cheating on his wife Beyoncé and showed remorse. When cheating happens in a relationship, I tell my patients showing remorse, stopping the affair and getting help, so it does not reoccur is essential to making up, not breaking up and staying together after adultery.

Often the relationship gets better as it did with my parents after an affair since it can be a catalyst to work through the real issues finally that were disguised before.  An affair makes the couple take seriously the real issues camouflaged by the affair.

It’s necessary to learn the best way to confess an affair and how to confront an affair if you want to save the relationship.

Most relationships can be saved even after an affair, as long as you know tips like this These tips are taken from my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – How to confess an affair – Chapter 9 and for the deceived how to confront AND GET ANSWERS !!!)

The things I recommend not to do are: Do not ask are you having an affair, no open-ended questions if you want the truth!!!, Don’t beat around the bush,  and don’t threaten if you want the truth.  If you confess –  timing is everything, but not if your partner is heavily stressed that day!!

When you answer these questions, remember sometimes honesty can be cruelty, so no gruesome details, so your partner does not leave, due to words he/she will never forget.

For more tips check out my book  Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – Turned into a movie  Unfaithful: Discovery Health that goes over my new groundbreaking theory for the cure and treatment of adultery.

If your relationship is at risk because of an affair, I am here to help you.  Your relationship can be saved despite an affair.  I have a 98% success rate with my patients staying together after the betrayal of an affair.  You can reach me directly at  212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach

The best-selling author of:

Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery

Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples

Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker

Should The Betrayed Ever Meet The Lover?

This is the final post of the three-part series. Often the betrayer feels sorry for or does not want to hurt the paramour or lover and cannot end the affair! Then the betrayed must step in, however, there are strict guidelines for when and how to confront the lover and when contradicted!

While this may sound like the plot of a Grade B psychological thriller, I believe it is sometimes helpful for the Betrayed to meet the lover, even if only over the telephone. Unhealthy obsession is the usual reason I recommend a controlled confrontation in a neutral area between Betrayed and lover. If the betrayed spouse is so obsessed with thoughts and questions about the lover that he/she cannot move past it into forgiveness, reconciliation, acceptance of responsibility or even grieving for the damaged marriage, the process is stagnant and progress becomes impossible.

Remember, your spouse’s lover is probably not as gorgeous, brilliant, virile, or irresistible as you imagine. In fact, chances are good that the lover is a lot like you, your spouse’s true image, his or her opposite. After all, you have the characteristics that caused your spouse to see you as having the missing parts that made him/her a whole person. Despite the fact that he or she has cheated, in almost all cases, you are your spouse’s true love.

Every suggestion, exercise, and contract in Can We Cure and Forgive

Adultery, Understanding Our Biochemical Craving For Connection is presented with the objective of helping you and your spouse to rekindle that love and keep it glowing in your hearts forever. Meanwhile, however, you must resolve any questions or obsession you have with your spouse’s lover before you can move forward.

Confronting the lover is necessary if your partner wants to stop cheating, has the motivation but can’t take the action.  When I treat couples I also see whether the betrayed’s subliminal message is it’s OK just don’t leave me! I teach boundaries, and guidelines to the couple to use adultery to identify what’s really wrong and fix it (getting rid of the smoke screen of adultery.)

I am here to support you with any questions you may have from how to make up to how to deal with an affair.  Please do not hesitate to call me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach

The best-selling author of:

Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery

Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples

Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – Turned into a movie  Unfaithful: Discovery Health

Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker


Adultery is a family affair

Especially around the holidays

Every day a new perpetrator, whether its an entertainment bosses, actors, reporter, politicians, you name it.  Just turn on the news or read the paper and you find another person with power abusing that power.

We may look at Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Bill O’Riley, Mark Halpern, Al Franken to name of few of those implicated and think I am not on their level it can’t happen to me. But think again, adultery is a common issue, hence the reason for the high divorce rate in our society today.

Now that the holiday season is here, beware of office parties, most affairs start at holiday parties, and I want to give you some tips to hold the line and ward off temptations.

I use a holistic approach to prevent this during holidays when people binge on sugar, which acts as an aphrodisiac! Because blood sugar fluctuations occur from stress even more during the holidays it causes people to act out; sugar also breeds addiction.

As I wrote in my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin previous post from  2016.

Because Over 90% of men and women fantasize about a coworker and attending the holiday party becomes a catalyst for extramarital affairs. If you are lonely and attracted to someone in the office, tell your partner that you need more personal attention and that you are starting to develop feelings for a coworker because you miss spending time with them.

It is not an easy task to steer clear of these parties without looking suspicious, so I’ve put together “Do’s and Don’ts” on how to get through the seasonal parties without ruining your marriage. These steps are guaranteed ways to hold the line amid temptation at office parties.

DO Bring your partner! Especially if you find someone in the office attractive, bring your partner to the party. Having that mutual support nearby will assist you with fighting those wandering thoughts and urges. If your partner cannot attend, it is important that you talk about your plans especially around the coworker that you find attractive. Discuss what you will do as a couple or speak about family traditions in order to jog your memory of how significant your marriage is to you throughout the event.

DO Go early to the party – Leave early – Go home alone. If your partner cannot attend the party, this simple mantra will ensure an easy escape from temptation. Typically these parties include alcohol and its effects lower inhibitions which can lead to disastrous decision making. Be sure to arrive early and leave earlier as most parties tend to become uproarious as the day rolls into night once the libations are dispersed. Staying 20 – 30 minutes to show your support for the company’s party is enough time to mingle with coworkers. Most importantly, no matter if the accountant’s car will not start or the IT guy just cannot seem to find his keys, go home alone!

DO Think of your partner three times a day in a positive light during the work hours. Picture the coworker you fantasize ten pounds heavier and ten years older.

DON’T Drink. The mistletoe, alcohol, and romance of the season appears to give consent to lose control at office parties and can result in igniting illicit passion. It may not be the “cool thing to do” but it can certainly save you from a world of problems. Enjoy seasonal drinks like eggnog and virgin cocktails. Non-alcoholic beer is also an option, it is socially acceptable, tastes better than ever before and most locations even offer a variety to choose from.

DON’T Dance the Lambada. Avoid dancing too closely with coworkers and keep appropriate space in general while socializing. Do not forget that this is an office party and those human resources rules still apply. A sexual harassment claim filed against you is not how you will want to ring in the New Year at the office.

DON’T Flirt. Flirting during the holiday season can lead to other activities rather quickly – especially under the influence of alcohol. Remain professional, avoid racy jokes, watch your body language and definitely do not meet ANYONE under the mistletoe.

Adultery is a family affair as it affects generations to come, let’s change our children’s legacy by treating  and curing this.


We want to help you prevent cheating in your relationship this holiday season, get our FREE online resource!

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D
Love and Relationship Expert

Adultery – Relationships At Risk: Shake Up To Wake Up

Relationships are a source of so much fulfillment, and often they cause pain and sorrow, but it does not have to be that way. Adultery: the unforgivable sin, as many call it, is forgivable, curable, and treatable as I see it as a disease.

98% of the couples I talk to who experience adultery make up and stay together using my Smartheart Skills and Dialogues. If they can do it, you can do it too!  My theory is very different than that of mainstream thinking; I believe it is an inherited emotional, physiological behavior pattern. As Peter Ustinov stated, “love is an act of endless forgiveness.”  I say forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself.

My professional experience and that of my parent’s experiences shows that most marriages can be saved and even prosper after the betrayal, if the couple is willing to do the work necessary to recognize what contributed to the affair in the first place. Couples usually communicate more than they ever have after an affair. The betrayal becomes the catalyst to get to the intimacy and the love underneath.

An affair is a dysfunctional attempt to stabilize your relationship.  Second marriages have a higher rate of divorce and adultery than in first marriages, so it’s worth trying to work it out before you walk away.

38% of people have engaged in online sexual conversation, and 50% of people have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online. 1/3 of divorce litigation is from online affairs.  I recently read, there is an adultery epidemic, 45 to 50% of married women and 50 to 60% of men commit adultery at some point in their relationship.

I believe adultery can be cured physiologically as well as emotionally by balancing their stressed brain chemicals through psychotherapy,  medical workup, and treatment, in a team approach working as I do with an MD doing testing on people who are thrill seekers.

For my three part theory on adultery being a disease and more  Smartheart Skills and Dialogues to save a marriage, since I believe most marriages can be saved after an affair, read Makeup Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples.

An affair is a cry for help; it shakes you to wake you.  After an affair couples start communicating and working on their symptoms which are part of a bigger problem.  Both people take responsibility for their part in the affair occurring as a way to deal or not deal with that bigger problem.


“I am lonely, and I don’t want to stray. I need love, nurturing, and attention. I want you, not someone else. Please help me to stay faithful.” Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Part Five –  Relationships At Risk:  Shake Up To Wake Up

It is necessary to learn what to do if you suspect or want to forgive adultery, or if you have committed it yourself. Remember, the best affair is the one you can have with your own partner!

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
Love and Relationship Expert

Have a problem with your relationship? Apply for a Free 30-minute Ideal Relationship breakthrough sessions with me to help you get the passion and sizzle to restore the magic in your relationship or marriage.  Apply today!

Getting to Commitment

How to get to commitment for singles or married even with adultery.

To take your relationships to the next level is a delicate art, like a delicate surgery to issue an ultimatum to your partner, whether it’s moving in together, getting married or whatever that next stage of your relationship might be. There are skills and dialogues that I call “Smartheart Skills and Dialogues” that I’ve used successfully in my tried and true program, which has garnered a 98% success rate. The Smartheart Skills and Dialogues were developed while dating my husband and my parents also used it in their marriage as well.

Over my 35 plus years of working with patients, I’ve come to the conclusion that many more couples would get married if they could experience what life would be like without each other. What I refer to as a relationship “brush with death.”

I recommend to my patients a breakup to make up. This is a temporary break up for a specified period of time, with permission, and done with love. You both should take this time to resolve your fear, become stronger and discover how much you mean to each other. It also encourages appreciation of each other and not taking each other for granted giving you clarity and certainty about your feelings. I use as an example my husband who was non-committal during our courtship and my parents. Going through this process sets up the fear of losing your partner in order to love him or her. Do not reconnect too soon.

Break up to make up is good for adultery as well to reignite passion and appreciation for each other. The fear of losing you becomes stronger than the fear of loving you resulting in commitment forever. Break up to make up is a shake up to wake up to get movement.

Some of the patients I work with who experienced adultery found that break up to make up helped them to reignite the passion and appreciation. The fear of losing your partner become stronger than the fear of loving them thus resulting in a lifelong commitment.

In my book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, I talked about a couple, Tammy and Fred – When she initiated a “brush with death,” Fred realized that he was more afraid of losing Tammy than he was of losing himself in the relationship. Fred had started to lose his feelings for her but the “brush with death” created an endorphin high and this reignited their passion and appreciation for each other. Tammy during this time learned to stop doing things that Fred took for granted, so he would then treat her as well as she treated herself. What she also found is that she needed to love herself first so Fred would then follow suit.

Announce this “brush with death” to your partner lovingly and gently – be prepared for resistance and don’t waiver.

I work with female patients who, although the woman THOUGHT they wanted commitment, they were also afraid and were hiding behind their commitment phobic man. This was their way of avoiding being hurt, but instead it hurt much more. Although they wanted commitment, they were afraid.

To get to commitment, rely more on movement and less on analysis and words. Gently coax him or her out of their shell or armor so you can see who they are and be conscious of your own anxieties so you don’t sabotage yourself!

Here is an example of the Smartheart Skills and Dialogues that I’ve used with my patients: Hold your ground and validate the phobic partner (the partner not wanting commitment) and yours (you wanting commitment). This is the Smartheart Skills and Dialogues that I want you to use with a commitment phobic partner: “I understand you want to be sure” and have a guarantee that we will be happy together; life and love are reasonable risks. It takes courage to love and to take a chance. I can help you with this; I’m scared too. We have such a special feeling and relationship that I’d like to take a chance with you.

Here are a few Smart Heart Questions to Ask Yourself

  • Are you with your partner because you really like them and want to have more time together?
  • Are you hanging with them because they are attractive?
  • Are you with them because you’re lonely?

My Mom and Dad used these techniques to stop Dad’s adultery, and his narcissism for good and they reached real life love because of these Smartheart Skills, especially a “brush with death.”

For more ground rules and benefits of my Smartheart Skills and Dialogues, especially if your partner does not respond to these suggestions from this article. I go more in depth on how to let them go with love to get them to come back in my book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples.

Want to talk to me about this delicate art and why it’s necessary to let them go with love in order to get them back? Whether you are married or single and have been trying to work on your relationship for years, I am here to help you.

In only 30 minutes, I’d like to help you have a major breakthrough in what has felt like a relationship nightmare. Apply here

Typically, private relationship breakthrough session calls with me cost a minimum of $400. Why am I doing this for free? Because I know if you have some loving direction and support, YOU can be successful NOW, and I want to support you and the success of your relationship. Apply here

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D
Love and Relationship Expert

The REAL truth behind the Bill Cosby trial

A predator or someone suffering from biochemical cravings?  

Bill Cosby is a perfect example of my groundbreaking adultery theory.  The trial is finally here and from what I know from treating patients over the years.  The acts that he’s been accused of committing was something he was not completely in control of.

Although I’m not excusing his behavior, it is a disease and needs to be recognized and treated as such.

The biochemical craving for connection and adultery should be seen and treated as a disease. Because this is a thrill seeking behavior it is more prevalent among politicians, celebrities, sports figures, and others in high-profile positions. This “disease” is often caused by stress, loss, separation and as a result self-medicating (adultery) calms this down. calm the brain chemicals down.

Is this disease curable?

Yes, this “disease” is curable and treatable as a physiological disease, not, however, by only talking to a therapist about it.   For the past 10 years, I’ve worked with patients and have achieved 98% success rate.  Here is one of the technique in the system that I used along with others to cure them of this disease.

One of the techniques I used on some patients is balancing their blood sugar with diet. Eliminating sugar, including alcohol, then affects one’s ability to empathize, have good judgment,  and clarity despite the high stress.   Remember,  monogamy is a conscious decision to stay faithful and that requires balanced brain chemicals to achieve this!).

Patients I treat are often seeking to duplicate the euphoria feelings of falling in love.  They are trying to recreate their feelings with adulterous affairs or risk taking like gambling or financial infidelity.

Find out more

In my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin  I wrote about this in depth. 

If you’d like to learn more about my groundbreaking discovery that produces a 98% success rate? Watch my “Unfaithful” documentary by Discovery Health.

As I write this article there is a story today in USA Today that talks about the Lopez Brothers sexual abuse cases.  High profile individuals whether they are athletes, celebrities, heads of organizations, etc. are all affected by this “disease” and appears to be an epidemic.  I believe it’s time we start to treat this biochemical craving for connection as I have been doing in my practice.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D.

If you or someone you know is suffering because of adultery behavior I have a 98% success rate, and I do all my work on the phone. Click here to contact me today for a complimentary consultation.

Trouble in Paradise: Dr. Bonnie Provides Antidote for Illicit ‘Cheat Retreat’

Dr. Bonnie responds to the most shocking cheating strategy in the works since Ashley Madison with her ground-breaking solution to “cure” infidelity. 

Recently, news of a “cheat retreat” hit the wires outlining Illicit Encounters’ latest business plan to build a “sex island” off the U.K. coast where spouses can go to carry out their secret affairs and effectively get away with it. The Island offers their guests guaranteed secrecy with a wide range of professional services to help guests cover their tracks. This new practice of adultery takes scandal and deception to the next level and Dr. Bonnie has something big to say about it.

“The development of an institutional practice encouraging cheaters to ‘hideaway’ with even more lying and faking should be a major wakeup call. It’s a fundamental change in the way we’re thinking about relationships and love, and we need to understand the root cause of this phenomenon in order to fix it. Only 35 percent of couples stay together when adultery occurs…and it does not have to be that way. Getting rid of a person does not get rid of the problem,” says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, renowned relationship therapist and author of Adultery the Forgivable Sin and Make Up, Don’t Breakup.

Her theory biochemical craving for connection explains adultery as a method of self-medication due to a blood sugar and brain chemical imbalance. During times of loss, separation, or stress, these imbalances are amplified and, if not treated, cause behaviors like addiction and adultery for temporary relief. Dr. Bonnie asserts that with the appropriate psychotherapy, which includes her revolutionary “smart heart dialogue,” we can reverse and correct the imbalances driving this destructive, thrill-seeking behavior.

Check out Dr. Bonnie’s expertise highlighted on the Discovery Health Channel:

Sign up for Dr. Bonnie’s my Ed2Go course on adultery prevention: marriage and relationships: keys to success here: http://www.ed2go.com/online-courses/marriage-and-relationships

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