Adultery – Relationships At Risk: Shake Up To Wake Up

Relationships are a source of so much fulfillment, and often they cause pain and sorrow, but it does not have to be that way. Adultery: the unforgivable sin, as many call it, is forgivable, curable, and treatable as I see it as a disease.

98% of the couples I talk to who experience adultery make up and stay together using my Smartheart Skills and Dialogues. If they can do it, you can do it too!  My theory is very different than that of mainstream thinking; I believe it is an inherited emotional, physiological behavior pattern. As Peter Ustinov stated, “love is an act of endless forgiveness.”  I say forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself.

My professional experience and that of my parent’s experiences shows that most marriages can be saved and even prosper after the betrayal, if the couple is willing to do the work necessary to recognize what contributed to the affair in the first place. Couples usually communicate more than they ever have after an affair. The betrayal becomes the catalyst to get to the intimacy and the love underneath.

An affair is a dysfunctional attempt to stabilize your relationship.  Second marriages have a higher rate of divorce and adultery than in first marriages, so it’s worth trying to work it out before you walk away.

38% of people have engaged in online sexual conversation, and 50% of people have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online. 1/3 of divorce litigation is from online affairs.  I recently read, there is an adultery epidemic, 45 to 50% of married women and 50 to 60% of men commit adultery at some point in their relationship.

I believe adultery can be cured physiologically as well as emotionally by balancing their stressed brain chemicals through psychotherapy,  medical workup, and treatment, in a team approach working as I do with an MD doing testing on people who are thrill seekers.

For my three part theory on adultery being a disease and more  Smartheart Skills and Dialogues to save a marriage, since I believe most marriages can be saved after an affair, read Makeup Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples.

An affair is a cry for help; it shakes you to wake you.  After an affair couples start communicating and working on their symptoms which are part of a bigger problem.  Both people take responsibility for their part in the affair occurring as a way to deal or not deal with that bigger problem.

SMART HEART DIALOGUE

“I am lonely, and I don’t want to stray. I need love, nurturing, and attention. I want you, not someone else. Please help me to stay faithful.” Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Part Five –  Relationships At Risk:  Shake Up To Wake Up

It is necessary to learn what to do if you suspect or want to forgive adultery, or if you have committed it yourself. Remember, the best affair is the one you can have with your own partner!

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
Love and Relationship Expert

Have a problem with your relationship? Apply for a Free 30-minute Ideal Relationship breakthrough sessions with me to help you get the passion and sizzle to restore the magic in your relationship or marriage.  Apply today!

Getting to Commitment

How to get to commitment for singles or married even with adultery.

To take your relationships to the next level is a delicate art, like a delicate surgery to issue an ultimatum to your partner, whether it’s moving in together, getting married or whatever that next stage of your relationship might be. There are skills and dialogues that I call “Smartheart Skills and Dialogues” that I’ve used successfully in my tried and true program, which has garnered a 98% success rate. The Smartheart Skills and Dialogues were developed while dating my husband and my parents also used it in their marriage as well.

Over my 35 plus years of working with patients, I’ve come to the conclusion that many more couples would get married if they could experience what life would be like without each other. What I refer to as a relationship “brush with death.”

I recommend to my patients a breakup to make up. This is a temporary break up for a specified period of time, with permission, and done with love. You both should take this time to resolve your fear, become stronger and discover how much you mean to each other. It also encourages appreciation of each other and not taking each other for granted giving you clarity and certainty about your feelings. I use as an example my husband who was non-committal during our courtship and my parents. Going through this process sets up the fear of losing your partner in order to love him or her. Do not reconnect too soon.

Break up to make up is good for adultery as well to reignite passion and appreciation for each other. The fear of losing you becomes stronger than the fear of loving you resulting in commitment forever. Break up to make up is a shake up to wake up to get movement.

Some of the patients I work with who experienced adultery found that break up to make up helped them to reignite the passion and appreciation. The fear of losing your partner become stronger than the fear of loving them thus resulting in a lifelong commitment.

In my book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, I talked about a couple, Tammy and Fred – When she initiated a “brush with death,” Fred realized that he was more afraid of losing Tammy than he was of losing himself in the relationship. Fred had started to lose his feelings for her but the “brush with death” created an endorphin high and this reignited their passion and appreciation for each other. Tammy during this time learned to stop doing things that Fred took for granted, so he would then treat her as well as she treated herself. What she also found is that she needed to love herself first so Fred would then follow suit.

Announce this “brush with death” to your partner lovingly and gently – be prepared for resistance and don’t waiver.

I work with female patients who, although the woman THOUGHT they wanted commitment, they were also afraid and were hiding behind their commitment phobic man. This was their way of avoiding being hurt, but instead it hurt much more. Although they wanted commitment, they were afraid.

To get to commitment, rely more on movement and less on analysis and words. Gently coax him or her out of their shell or armor so you can see who they are and be conscious of your own anxieties so you don’t sabotage yourself!

Here is an example of the Smartheart Skills and Dialogues that I’ve used with my patients: Hold your ground and validate the phobic partner (the partner not wanting commitment) and yours (you wanting commitment). This is the Smartheart Skills and Dialogues that I want you to use with a commitment phobic partner: “I understand you want to be sure” and have a guarantee that we will be happy together; life and love are reasonable risks. It takes courage to love and to take a chance. I can help you with this; I’m scared too. We have such a special feeling and relationship that I’d like to take a chance with you.

Here are a few Smart Heart Questions to Ask Yourself

  • Are you with your partner because you really like them and want to have more time together?
  • Are you hanging with them because they are attractive?
  • Are you with them because you’re lonely?

My Mom and Dad used these techniques to stop Dad’s adultery, and his narcissism for good and they reached real life love because of these Smartheart Skills, especially a “brush with death.”

For more ground rules and benefits of my Smartheart Skills and Dialogues, especially if your partner does not respond to these suggestions from this article. I go more in depth on how to let them go with love to get them to come back in my book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples.

Want to talk to me about this delicate art and why it’s necessary to let them go with love in order to get them back? Whether you are married or single and have been trying to work on your relationship for years, I am here to help you.

In only 30 minutes, I’d like to help you have a major breakthrough in what has felt like a relationship nightmare. Apply here

Typically, private relationship breakthrough session calls with me cost a minimum of $400. Why am I doing this for free? Because I know if you have some loving direction and support, YOU can be successful NOW, and I want to support you and the success of your relationship. Apply here

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D
Love and Relationship Expert

The REAL truth behind the Bill Cosby trial

A predator or someone suffering from biochemical cravings?  

Bill Cosby is a perfect example of my groundbreaking adultery theory.  The trial is finally here and from what I know from treating patients over the years.  The acts that he’s been accused of committing was something he was not completely in control of.

Although I’m not excusing his behavior, it is a disease and needs to be recognized and treated as such.

The biochemical craving for connection and adultery should be seen and treated as a disease. Because this is a thrill seeking behavior it is more prevalent among politicians, celebrities, sports figures, and others in high-profile positions. This “disease” is often caused by stress, loss, separation and as a result self-medicating (adultery) calms this down. calm the brain chemicals down.

Is this disease curable?

Yes, this “disease” is curable and treatable as a physiological disease, not, however, by only talking to a therapist about it.   For the past 10 years, I’ve worked with patients and have achieved 98% success rate.  Here is one of the technique in the system that I used along with others to cure them of this disease.


One of the techniques I used on some patients is balancing their blood sugar with diet. Eliminating sugar, including alcohol, then affects one’s ability to empathize, have good judgment,  and clarity despite the high stress.   Remember,  monogamy is a conscious decision to stay faithful and that requires balanced brain chemicals to achieve this!).

Patients I treat are often seeking to duplicate the euphoria feelings of falling in love.  They are trying to recreate their feelings with adulterous affairs or risk taking like gambling or financial infidelity.

Find out more

In my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin  I wrote about this in depth. 

If you’d like to learn more about my groundbreaking discovery that produces a 98% success rate? Watch my “Unfaithful” documentary by Discovery Health.

As I write this article there is a story today in USA Today that talks about the Lopez Brothers sexual abuse cases.  High profile individuals whether they are athletes, celebrities, heads of organizations, etc. are all affected by this “disease” and appears to be an epidemic.  I believe it’s time we start to treat this biochemical craving for connection as I have been doing in my practice.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D.

If you or someone you know is suffering because of adultery behavior I have a 98% success rate, and I do all my work on the phone. Click here to contact me today for a complimentary consultation.

Trouble in Paradise: Dr. Bonnie Provides Antidote for Illicit ‘Cheat Retreat’

Dr. Bonnie responds to the most shocking cheating strategy in the works since Ashley Madison with her ground-breaking solution to “cure” infidelity. 

Recently, news of a “cheat retreat” hit the wires outlining Illicit Encounters’ latest business plan to build a “sex island” off the U.K. coast where spouses can go to carry out their secret affairs and effectively get away with it. The Island offers their guests guaranteed secrecy with a wide range of professional services to help guests cover their tracks. This new practice of adultery takes scandal and deception to the next level and Dr. Bonnie has something big to say about it.

“The development of an institutional practice encouraging cheaters to ‘hideaway’ with even more lying and faking should be a major wakeup call. It’s a fundamental change in the way we’re thinking about relationships and love, and we need to understand the root cause of this phenomenon in order to fix it. Only 35 percent of couples stay together when adultery occurs…and it does not have to be that way. Getting rid of a person does not get rid of the problem,” says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, renowned relationship therapist and author of Adultery the Forgivable Sin and Make Up, Don’t Breakup.

Her theory biochemical craving for connection explains adultery as a method of self-medication due to a blood sugar and brain chemical imbalance. During times of loss, separation, or stress, these imbalances are amplified and, if not treated, cause behaviors like addiction and adultery for temporary relief. Dr. Bonnie asserts that with the appropriate psychotherapy, which includes her revolutionary “smart heart dialogue,” we can reverse and correct the imbalances driving this destructive, thrill-seeking behavior.

Check out Dr. Bonnie’s expertise highlighted on the Discovery Health Channel:

Sign up for Dr. Bonnie’s my Ed2Go course on adultery prevention: marriage and relationships: keys to success here: http://www.ed2go.com/online-courses/marriage-and-relationships

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