Family stress for the holidays
I would like to ask everyone to lower your expectations of being ‘one big happy family’ during the holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Years). These high expectations can kill relationships at holiday gatherings. It is essential to not force closeness.
The time you spend with your family and friends should be natural, not forced. To that end, follow the tips below to make it through the upcoming holidays.
- Have activities planned. The Nintendo Wii is the perfect example – families can communicate and be active, but still, minimize expectations of intimacy
- Stay away from heavy topics such as politics and other hot-button issues.
- Keep things light – avoid confrontation.
- For people that have had a previous falling out with a family member, call ahead to smooth things over a few weeks before the family event, and don’t discuss it at the event.
- Call ahead if you look forward to particular food and offer to bring it. Remind your family of the ritual of your favorite dish!
- If you come from a chaotic, dysfunctional family keep visits short and stay at a hotel.
- When possible host holiday gatherings on your own turf so you have control – and don’t offer your home up for people to stay there.
- Everything in balance to avoid arguments. Remember: drinking and sugary holiday goodies can lead people to be more argumentative.
- You don’t have to be superwoman or man. It’s OK to ask for help before or hire help. Hosts should talk about the expectations and agenda with their partner and kids so everyone’s clear on the role that they’ll play.
- Tell people what to bring to minimize cost or duplicates on the part of the host.
- Remember: Different strokes for different folks – ask people to bring movies that they like, and even extra DVD players to mitigate argument and conflict.
- If Aunt Edie brings her favorite inedible cake, tell her it’s so special you want to freeze and save for the new year (so you don’t have to serve it). Same with a non-drinkable bottle of wine.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert known as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. US Commerce Association voted Dr. Bonnie Best Therapist 2011-2017.
Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Women Ignored On Mother’s Day More Likely to Cheat
There are consequences for ignoring Mother’s Day. According to AshleyMadison.com—a website dedicated to helping married individuals find partners to have affairs, one of the biggest days of the year for female signups is the day after Mother’s Day (along with the day after Valentine’s Day). Data from the site reports that women are ignored or devalued during holiday’s they deem important—Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day, become disillusioned with their relationship, and many seek attention from men outside their relationships immediately following these holidays.
Husbands who ignore their wives send a message that their work is not appreciated. Women work an extra 36 hours a week on home and family-related tasks, above and beyond their jobs outside the home. Mother’s Day offers a structured way to honor their contribution. It is imperative that men honor the work involved in being a wife, mother, and holding down a job outside the home, especially on Mother’s Day—the one day of the year husband’s can honor the dedication and specialized work involved in being a mother. A partner who deflects ignores or devalues Mother’s Day sends the message that he takes his wife for granted.
A husband is doing more than honoring his wife on Mother’s Day. He is sending a message to the children that their mother deserves recognition for her priceless contributions to the family. Children have emotional antennae, so dads should get their children involved in making gifts and surprising their moms with tender sentiments.
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Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
The best-selling author of:
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – Turned into a movie Unfaithful: Discovery Health
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker