Financial Infidelity: Define the Currency of Your Relationship

When it comes to financial infidelity, there is no such thing as an innocent financial fib. Financial infidelity is a subtle form of cheating, so much so, people do not even know they are even doing it, it’s so subtle. In a poll, 40% of all adults in a committed relationship admitted to lying to their partner regarding spending and 82% hide purchases from their partner, which is obviously financial infidelity.

Did you know that there is a link between financial infidelity and infidelity as both are betrayal and secrets and betrayal can breed more betrayal?

Did you know that there is a link between credit card debt and the frontal cortex of the brain?

My theory on financial infidelity is similar to my theory on Adultery, which I see as a disease.

To learn more about it read Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker and see how credit card debt and what you eat, and how you behave with money is very connected to a physiological problem, and a disease as well.

Couples need to have money conversations weekly, but they are overwhelmed most of the time. Because opposites attract, when they pick each other, they often find that a spender marries a saver and a saver will marry a spender, and that causes conflicts when they have these talks. Using the Smartheart Skills and Dialogues, you can create the intimacy of the relationship and have passion you’ve dreamed of. Without the talk, the intimacy, the relationship, and passion are compromised.

I developed Smartheart Skills and Dialogues and Money Talk as the glue to renew passion. These skills and dialogues enhance mutuality, clarity, and safety which fosters mystery, sizzle and ultimately romance magic. Here are links to my videos on financial infidelity: Financial Infidelity Video #1 and Financial Infidelity Video #2

Below are two affirmation exercises I would like you to begin using with your partner:

Exercise: Money Affirmations 

Each day list five (5) positive things about your current financial situation that you are truly grateful for. Let go of any negative thoughts such as “not enough” or need more.” Appreciate and be grateful for what your money has done for you: “a home to live in,” “good food to eat,” “the opportunity to socialize with friends.”

Begin each day with these thoughts of gratitude. Post this list where your partner can set it, and verbalize these thoughts to yourself and each other throughout the day.

Exercise: Partner Affirmations 

Each day list five (5) things about your partner that you are truly grateful for. Do not list material things. You may be grateful he is healthy, that she comes from a loving family, that he’s attractive, that he doesn’t snore.

Begin each day with these thoughts of what you most appreciate.  Post this list where your partner can see it and verbalize each of these thoughts to yourself and each other throughout the day.

For more on how to use my Smartheart Skills and Dialogues Money Talk, whether you are single or married, it is all in my book Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.

Whether you are married or single and have been trying to work on your relationship for years, I am here to help.

In only 30 minutes, I’d like to help you have a major breakthrough in what may feel like a nightmare relationship and turn into YOUR dream relationship. Go here to apply for your FREE phone session.

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

 

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
Love and Relationship Expert

 

How to avoid arguments with your man this Holiday…

With the 4th of July holiday coming up, there are a lot of family barbecue’s going on this weekend.  Unfortunately, a lot of fighting also happens during this weekend, having to do with doing the barbecue!  This weekend should be fun but very often the kind of fireworks you want, you don’t always get. 🙁  Here are some tips to a Happy July Fourth!

Over the years my male patients have told me, how they don’t always have fun during this weekend.  This is in part because men do not like to be told what to do, which leads to one of the big reasons they don’t SEEM to listen or can seem to be resistant to your requests.  Often times they will say yes, to have peace at any price, when they mean no… which can cause the wrong kind of fireworks later!

Here are some of my simple Smartheart skills and dialogue do’s and don’ts that you may want to try. My husband Jeff helped me develop these smart heart skills, so they are tried and true by a man and work like magic!

Here are the don’ts

  • Don’t mind read – ask him what he needs
  • Don’t assume – just because he’s been doing it that he likes doing it.
  • Don’t criticize –  you want to compliment and thank him instead.

Here are the Do’s

  • Do make this weekend more about him if your partner is in charge of barbecuing, show him appreciation and no criticizing the burgers!
  • Do give your partner a choice.  When you talk about the barbecue this weekend use the word “How.”  Ask him “How do you feel about doing the barbecuing? Not “I would like you to” or “can you.” Or worse, You ARE doing the barbecue this weekend.

As a society, we tend to associate barbecue as something that is done by men. However, when I took a poll of my patients over the years, most do not like to barbecue.  The ones that did are the ones who love to cook.  Some men love to cook, and others love to be nurtured and have others do the cooking.  Most of the men in this poll that did not like barbecuing felt they were supposed to like it.

The reason for not liking it for some of my patients is simply because they don’t like being over the hot coals.  One patient said, “I can’t mingle or meet and greet with my guest, friends, and family because I’m stuck over the hot coals.”  He found it difficult to communicate this to his wife, fearing that she might get upset with him and think he was being selfish, causing a fight.

So, I recommend you give your man a choice and if possible have others help him out. That could be you, a family member or even guests. Some guests love to help out if you offer for them to get involved. This allows your partner to enjoy the party, while also getting the opportunity to spend time with you and your guests!

Remember to always give him a choice.  Maybe you’re partner would like to cater this year instead of being the one doing the cooking.  Be sure to give him that option, because this allows him to relax and have time to enjoy himself with everyone and with you.

Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that our partner is our priority and number one, and not your guests.  So give him a hug, a kiss, check to see if he needs a break, a drink or some help.  Very often the person doing the barbecuing, may need something to eat, because they are so busy cooking they’re not eating.

Using these Smartheart skill and dialogue helps to remove the stress of the day for both of you.  Leaving room for the real love fireworks between the two of you to happen later that evening.  With this reward at the end, don’t be surprised if your partner wants to barbecue every year. 😉

Take advantage of the holiday to create some sexy fireworks and have an affair with your man this weekend.

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Having relationship problems? I have a 98% success rate with singles and couples even if your partner is resistant, I can even work with one partner, and you will see amazing results.  Apply for a complimentary phone Breakthrough To Your Ideal Relationship session.

 

 

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