Research from Gretchen Reynold’s blog on “How You Fight With Your Spouse May Affect Different Body Parts” demonstrated that stonewalling spouses were more apt to have muscular issues like back pain or neck pain. I know from my own private practice that negative or intense emotions affect health. Angry, sad, frustrated or fearful people have more health issues. Anger puts a strain on the heart and people in bad marriages can have worse health problems. This is why it’s important to fight fair with an emotional bullet proof vest and make your partner feel safe to share and “air” differences. Doing this increases passion. Walking in your partner’s shoes goes a long way to prolonging the “honeymoon” stage. Fighting fair techniques are essential for fightphobic couples whose apprehension courts confrontation, rather than clearing the air. I recommend 10 min weekly to air differences before they escalate. After that raise endorphins with physical activity with each other like tickling, kissing, or even making love. For more simple techniques on fair fighting check out and my chapter on fair fighting in Make Up Don’t Break Up.


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