Adultery is a family affair

Especially around the holidays

Every day a new perpetrator, whether its an entertainment bosses, actors, reporter, politicians, you name it.  Just turn on the news or read the paper and you find another person with power abusing that power.

We may look at Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Bill O’Riley, Mark Halpern, Al Franken to name of few of those implicated and think I am not on their level it can’t happen to me. But think again, adultery is a common issue, hence the reason for the high divorce rate in our society today.

Now that the holiday season is here, beware of office parties, most affairs start at holiday parties, and I want to give you some tips to hold the line and ward off temptations.

I use a holistic approach to prevent this during holidays when people binge on sugar, which acts as an aphrodisiac! Because blood sugar fluctuations occur from stress even more during the holidays it causes people to act out; sugar also breeds addiction.

As I wrote in my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin previous post from  2016.

Because Over 90% of men and women fantasize about a coworker and attending the holiday party becomes a catalyst for extramarital affairs. If you are lonely and attracted to someone in the office, tell your partner that you need more personal attention and that you are starting to develop feelings for a coworker because you miss spending time with them.

It is not an easy task to steer clear of these parties without looking suspicious, so I’ve put together “Do’s and Don’ts” on how to get through the seasonal parties without ruining your marriage. These steps are guaranteed ways to hold the line amid temptation at office parties.

DO Bring your partner! Especially if you find someone in the office attractive, bring your partner to the party. Having that mutual support nearby will assist you with fighting those wandering thoughts and urges. If your partner cannot attend, it is important that you talk about your plans especially around the coworker that you find attractive. Discuss what you will do as a couple or speak about family traditions in order to jog your memory of how significant your marriage is to you throughout the event.

DO Go early to the party – Leave early – Go home alone. If your partner cannot attend the party, this simple mantra will ensure an easy escape from temptation. Typically these parties include alcohol and its effects lower inhibitions which can lead to disastrous decision making. Be sure to arrive early and leave earlier as most parties tend to become uproarious as the day rolls into night once the libations are dispersed. Staying 20 – 30 minutes to show your support for the company’s party is enough time to mingle with coworkers. Most importantly, no matter if the accountant’s car will not start or the IT guy just cannot seem to find his keys, go home alone!

DO Think of your partner three times a day in a positive light during the work hours. Picture the coworker you fantasize ten pounds heavier and ten years older.

DON’T Drink. The mistletoe, alcohol, and romance of the season appears to give consent to lose control at office parties and can result in igniting illicit passion. It may not be the “cool thing to do” but it can certainly save you from a world of problems. Enjoy seasonal drinks like eggnog and virgin cocktails. Non-alcoholic beer is also an option, it is socially acceptable, tastes better than ever before and most locations even offer a variety to choose from.

DON’T Dance the Lambada. Avoid dancing too closely with coworkers and keep appropriate space in general while socializing. Do not forget that this is an office party and those human resources rules still apply. A sexual harassment claim filed against you is not how you will want to ring in the New Year at the office.

DON’T Flirt. Flirting during the holiday season can lead to other activities rather quickly – especially under the influence of alcohol. Remain professional, avoid racy jokes, watch your body language and definitely do not meet ANYONE under the mistletoe.

Adultery is a family affair as it affects generations to come, let’s change our children’s legacy by treating  and curing this.

 

We want to help you prevent cheating in your relationship this holiday season, get our FREE online resource!

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D
Love and Relationship Expert

Adultery – Relationships At Risk: Shake Up To Wake Up

Relationships are a source of so much fulfillment, and often they cause pain and sorrow, but it does not have to be that way. Adultery: the unforgivable sin, as many call it, is forgivable, curable, and treatable as I see it as a disease.

98% of the couples I talk to who experience adultery make up and stay together using my Smartheart Skills and Dialogues. If they can do it, you can do it too!  My theory is very different than that of mainstream thinking; I believe it is an inherited emotional, physiological behavior pattern. As Peter Ustinov stated, “love is an act of endless forgiveness.”  I say forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself.

My professional experience and that of my parent’s experiences shows that most marriages can be saved and even prosper after the betrayal, if the couple is willing to do the work necessary to recognize what contributed to the affair in the first place. Couples usually communicate more than they ever have after an affair. The betrayal becomes the catalyst to get to the intimacy and the love underneath.

An affair is a dysfunctional attempt to stabilize your relationship.  Second marriages have a higher rate of divorce and adultery than in first marriages, so it’s worth trying to work it out before you walk away.

38% of people have engaged in online sexual conversation, and 50% of people have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online. 1/3 of divorce litigation is from online affairs.  I recently read, there is an adultery epidemic, 45 to 50% of married women and 50 to 60% of men commit adultery at some point in their relationship.

I believe adultery can be cured physiologically as well as emotionally by balancing their stressed brain chemicals through psychotherapy,  medical workup, and treatment, in a team approach working as I do with an MD doing testing on people who are thrill seekers.

For my three part theory on adultery being a disease and more  Smartheart Skills and Dialogues to save a marriage, since I believe most marriages can be saved after an affair, read Makeup Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples.

An affair is a cry for help; it shakes you to wake you.  After an affair couples start communicating and working on their symptoms which are part of a bigger problem.  Both people take responsibility for their part in the affair occurring as a way to deal or not deal with that bigger problem.

SMART HEART DIALOGUE

“I am lonely, and I don’t want to stray. I need love, nurturing, and attention. I want you, not someone else. Please help me to stay faithful.” Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Part Five –  Relationships At Risk:  Shake Up To Wake Up

It is necessary to learn what to do if you suspect or want to forgive adultery, or if you have committed it yourself. Remember, the best affair is the one you can have with your own partner!

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
Love and Relationship Expert

Have a problem with your relationship? Apply for a Free 30-minute Ideal Relationship breakthrough sessions with me to help you get the passion and sizzle to restore the magic in your relationship or marriage.  Apply today!

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