Dr. Bonnie: The Highest Cheating Day for Women
Men Beware, Reports Dr. Bonnie: The Highest Cheating Day for Women, Reported by Ashley Madison Is February 15th, the Day After a Disappointing Valentine’s Day
Dr. Bonnie warns men that Ashley Madison’s, a married cheating website, statistics report that women’s highest enrollment to commit adultery is on February 15. This is due to being letdown by their husbands on Valentine’s Day with little romance magic.
Men should beware of the day after Valentine’s Day says relationship and adultery expert, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. Ashley Madison, a website designed for “discreet encounters” reports that February 15th sees the highest rate of enrollment for women. It’s the day after what’s often a disappointing Valentine’s Day. When their husbands let them down with little or no romance magic on what should be the most romantic day of the year, women turn elsewhere.
Dr. Bonnie cautions and advises men to remember and honor their wives on February 14th. Men need to be careful not to take their wives for granted, and make sure to show appreciation for them and what they do every day. Research from Dr. Bonnie’s, “Financial Infidelity” states that on average, women work an extra 36 hours a week beyond their career. Most women in Dr. Bonnie’s practice complain of being ignored by their husbands or not listened to. They are not being treated in a special way even on Valentine’s Day.
The Ashley Madison website brags of a population of nearly 40 million profiles of those seeking out extramarital affairs and their data shows that holidays like Valentine’s Day, when not celebrated, influence women to seek out adultery to combat feelings of emptiness. A woman may “act out” with cheating to boost her feelings after being unappreciated. She will over-correct with an affair the day after Valentine’s Day, so she can feel heard, and be “romanced.”
Dr. Bonnie adds that there is a domino effect for the children if their mother is forgotten on this holiday. The children could also take her for granted, disrespect her, or do that same behavior to their future partner when they marry. She advises that men invite children to partake in choosing Valentine’s Day gifts for their mother. This way they feel included in an activity that values their mother. This will be conveyed to her and make her feel loved on Valentine’s Day and beyond. This sentiment is priceless. Dr. Bonnie’s theory, the Biochemical Craving for Connection is paramount in understanding how to prevent adultery and is demonstrated in “Unfaithful“, an Oprah and Discovery Health documentary. As are her books, “Adultery: the Forgivable Sin” and “Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?”
Men should be careful to avoid the following behaviors or they may find their wives logging into Ashley Madison on February 15th. These are the warning signs: forgetting Valentine’s Day, no card, no present, no flowers, no chocolate, no restaurant reservation, no acknowledgment from children, no romance, no appreciation, no intimacy, or no acknowledgment of caretaking or “little” or special things she does. Don’t devalue her or make your wife feel unimportant.
Dr. Bonnie says that all of this can be reversed and you can prevent straying by putting your partner in the front of your mind. Use the SmartHeart skills, as outlined in her book, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” and accompanying video “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples” that she advises to patients on Valentine’s Day and every day.
She recommends some simple steps like:
- A 30-second kiss that raises your “cuddle hormone,” oxytocin, (demonstrated in video). This bonds the partner and promotes feelings of safety and desire.
- A 20-second hug releases dopamine, the “feel-good” hormone, that makes you feel happy and alive.
- Think of your wife three times a day–positive thoughts at work. Statistics show that those who do this daily have less of a chance of divorce.
- Take influence from your wife. Men who do this have happier marriages.
- Take her out once a week–not just on Valentine’s Day.
To prevent adultery, fall back in love with your partner, and stay in love, do daily mini connections. Kiss goodbye in the morning and hello when you come home, snuggle before going to sleep and before getting out of bed in the morning (even if you go to bed or get up at different times), try to go to sleep at the same time, eat at the same time at least three times a week and on the weekends, go out once a week away from discussions of children, work, and problems. Make sure to talk to your partner for ten minutes a day–scheduling or carpooling does not count. No texting or calling your partner to discuss your day, you have to take the time to speak face to face. Hold hands when walking or when watching movies. Look into each other’s eye for 30 seconds daily. Say “I love you” often and with meaning and compliment each other daily. Again, face to face! These are verbal aphrodisiacs. Recreate the romance magic in your marriage. It will not come “naturally” after the first 18 months and the honeymoon stage are over. It needs to be recreated daily. These simple SmartHeart skills and dialogue will ensure Valentine’s Day every day.
For more info on smart heart skills, romance magic and preventing and treating and forgiving adultery, enroll in Dr. Bonnies online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Check out her book, winner of NYTimes Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more warning signs and solutions to reach magic in marriage.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN.
Dr. Bonnie is available for relationship therapy via phone. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
When cheating happens in a relationship
In a recent interview with David Letterman, Jay Z opened up cheating on his wife Beyoncé and showed remorse. When cheating happens in a relationship, I tell my patients showing remorse, stopping the affair and getting help, so it does not reoccur is essential to making up, not breaking up and staying together after adultery.
Often the relationship gets better as it did with my parents after an affair since it can be a catalyst to work through the real issues finally that were disguised before. An affair makes the couple take seriously the real issues camouflaged by the affair.
It’s necessary to learn the best way to confess an affair and how to confront an affair if you want to save the relationship.
Most relationships can be saved even after an affair, as long as you know tips like this These tips are taken from my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – How to confess an affair – Chapter 9 and for the deceived how to confront AND GET ANSWERS !!!)
The things I recommend not to do are: Do not ask are you having an affair, no open-ended questions if you want the truth!!!, Don’t beat around the bush, and don’t threaten if you want the truth. If you confess – timing is everything, but not if your partner is heavily stressed that day!!
When you answer these questions, remember sometimes honesty can be cruelty, so no gruesome details, so your partner does not leave, due to words he/she will never forget.
For more tips check out my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – Turned into a movie Unfaithful: Discovery Health that goes over my new groundbreaking theory for the cure and treatment of adultery.
If your relationship is at risk because of an affair, I am here to help you. Your relationship can be saved despite an affair. I have a 98% success rate with my patients staying together after the betrayal of an affair. You can reach me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
The best-selling author of:
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Cheating Alert – Higher during the holidays
Since 1990 there has been a 40% increase in adultery with women, and they are, of course, not only catching but surpassing men. I feel it’s time that men step up to the plate with women’s help to ease our burdens. CNN published an article earlier this month, on October 5th written by Kim Brooks from The Cut. She wrote about “The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands.” In the article, Ms. Brooks talked about men stepping up to the plate and how women are cheating because it’s exhausting for them to keep explaining how exhausted they are and how much help they need from their husbands. They are therefore using cheating as the answer to this superwoman role that they have, and that is never-ending. These women feel that their husbands “know, ” but they don’t know the women in their lives need support, attention, and to be cared for.
Here is my response to that article:
I agree with the Ms. Brooks, it’s time that men step up to the plate, and it’s time that we educate and teach them rather than rationalizing that it’s OK for women to cheat. Truth be told, women have been talking to men for years and men sometimes don’t listen, they shut down, and move very slowly. The only way a lot of men move is when the women revolt and they have a strike. Having an affair is like having a strike. And I believe that the affair is a dysfunctional attempt to stabilize the marriage, but many women feel it stabilizes the marriage or relationship and causes equilibrium for them. It’s not an escape hatch or the way to leave. It’s the way to stay by having romance, stimulation, diversion, and fun outside the marriage or relationship.
They see their husbands as a package deal with the kids with all the responsibilities, bills, and problems and they are compartmentalizing with an affair. This is why I advocate for Fantasy Fridays, an example outlined in my book Make Up, Don’t Break Up, showing couples taking turns surprising their mate with a fantasy date and having an affair with your partner.
I believe the affair is a shake up and wake up, to wake up the system and help the woman to have an emotional connection, and I believe that this doesn’t solve the problem because it’s a dysfunctional attempt to stabilize the marriage. Because women are suffocated, overwhelmed, and resentful having to be a superwoman, they want more help from the men. And not getting help becomes a romance wrecker for women.
Some women have said that foreplay is when the man does the diapers or does the laundry.
So many feel that women have lost their moral compass, with society reeking of easy and secretive access to the various social platforms available and the symptoms of depersonalization, lack of empathy, and love they may cause.
Exhausted, alienated, alone, over responsible women are turning to quick fixes and thrill-seeking highs to self-medicate. They’re looking for pleasure and power. They’re tired of being invisible and having to deal with the labor both at home and at work. These women are looking for romance and because the affair is not associated with chores, responsibilities, and fatigue, the women are the priority. The caretaking can become suffocating them, causing resentment and ultimately wrecking the romance in her marriage. The division of labor is harder on women, and they too are looking for better sex.
Because they’ve been talking the relationship to death and still not being heard. The way that they’re getting heard is by shaking up and waking up the system with an affair. Which is ultimately their way of getting heard, by getting back at their husbands, and trying to get the romance back on track. However, they’re too angry with their husbands to have the romance with him. Because most men move slowly, much slower than women, they usually don’t notice or take action until the woman is revolting by cheating to get the attention they’re looking for in hopes of changing the behavior in their husbands.
The increased epidemic of women cheating speaks to my theory of the biochemical craving for connection that I discussed in these videos – Bio Chemical Craving for Connection This is when a woman or man has stress, loss, and separation, and then they turn to a quick fix or self-medicating high. There’s more about this on the documentary Unfaithful, and I even have a cheat sheet that I would like both women and men to look at.
Men have to be very, very careful that their wife is not cheating since it’s up 40% since 1990. Use this cheat sheet to see if your man or your woman is cheating.If you are a woman that is tempted or “thinking about cheating” because you can no longer hold the line. This cheat sheet can help to get you on the right path. Take a look at the things about your relationship that is making you unhappy, because in most cases there is still time to change the dynamic of your relationship.
An affair is a quick fix, but why not fix the exhaustion. Why can’t a team still work together and still be erotic? We tend to think either or, but it doesn’t have to be that way, and you don’t have to just be parent-oriented. You can be a parent, and you can be a wife, you can do both. So many couples are so busy being good parents that they don’t make romance a priority. They think that they can’t, but they can really can do both. They then make the frequent mistake of forgetting about the romance.
In my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin, that was also made into a movie, you can read more about cheating and find the cheat sheet for women on page 99. The cheat sheet for men can be found in my book Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery. I also developed a theory to create dialogue appropriate for children when an affair, separation, or divorce happens.
If women continue to cheat at this high level, we need people to look at the legacy that’s being handed down to the next generation. What about the kids? What’s the impact on the kids and what is their legacy for generations to come, because adultery affects not just the here and now. Therefore it’s a selfish act that perpetuates the symptom.
I highly emphasize, that now is the time that men to step up to the plate and for women to realize they don’t have to revolt by cheating to get men to listen. We also need to educate men, so they want and know how to listen.
With the holidays around the corner, and it being a time of year when there is a high rate of cheating happening with both women and men. It’s really important to review this cheat sheet with your partner, it could help to prevent you or your partner from cheating this holiday.
Want to prevent cheating in your relationship get our FREE online resource! Click the image below to get your copy.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D
Love and Relationship Expert