For Men: Warning: “Forgetting” Valentine’s Day No Such Thing

There is no such thing as “forgetting” Valentine’s Day. Forgetting this romantic holiday, that’s not a coincidence. It is rather a symptom of “getting back” at your partner or a fear of getting close. This ‘forgetting” appears mean-spirited, giving a clear message, and has such long-lasting consequences that can even lead to divorce and adultery down the road!! In fact, Ashley Madison, the cheating married website, reports that the day after Valentine’s Day is the biggest cheating day for disappointed women!

I say It does not have to be that way, “forgetting” Valentine’s Day is a grudge, a vengeful way of getting back at your partner for unresolved relationship debris.

Some excuses women should never accept are: it’s only a retail holiday, it’s too commercial, every day is Valentine’s Day, restaurants are crowded and too expensive, or florists rip you off. These excuses cause disappointing feelings and are real “romance wreckers.” They set the stage for distance, detachment, and possibly divorce.

I teach my patients Smart Heart skills, as emphasized in Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, to help identify a grudge and prevent a buildup of resentments. Learning how to “fight fair” can increase passion by clearing the air. These “skills” especially help men learn to communicate by appointment instead of walking out of the room during discussions. “Fair fighting” teaches empathy and affection and this increases passion when the offending partner has a time limit for fighting and has permission do so, in short intervals. Examples, performed by real, live couples, can be found in Make Up, Don’t Break Up’s accompanying video, “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples.” Men need many “time outs.” They are allergic to women’s emotionality. With “fair fighting,” men can air their resentments instead of storing them and the conflict works as an aphrodisiac for eventual passion. The power is in getting heard, not getting mad. Letting go of grudges is not about being right or fair, it’s about what works.

Learn more about grudges in Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples pages 308 & 309.

Here is to finding and keeping real love!

 

 

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
Best-selling author of:
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker

 

Your Marriage can be saved!

As the new year is ushered in it brings sadness to countless families who are faced with divorce. During the month of January, without fail, the majority of my new clients come to me because they want a divorce or their partner wants a divorce and they do not.

There’s always hope, most of the time even if one partner has given up from frustration and exhaustion and the other has hope and helps the one who has given up.

I introduce couples at a crossroads in their relationship to my Smartheart skills and dialogues which are easy to learn but usually foreign to most couples.

You both believed in your marriage and its foundation when you fell in love, piggyback on that and learn how to nurture and not take each other for granted.  Put the effort needed daily into this sacred relationship, creating true love to last a lifetime.

I often share my love story, and that of my parents highlighting all the “potholes” as an inspiration to others so they too can walk the walk and find their way back to each other. So, before you decide to leave your marriage, sometimes from pride or exhaustion, you need to try, try, try and try again!

Take the time to recapture that LOVE underneath the anger and hurt you are now feeling.

If you are thinking about dumping your husband/wife or partner, think very hard about your reasoning.

Stay tuned for more in my upcoming post…

 

 

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
Best-selling author of:
     Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples 
     Adultery: The Forgivable Sin
     Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker

 

 

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