Focus on Getting What you Want – Even in a Down Economy
by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
Check out my post on the subject over on Money Wise Woman.
Here’s an excerpt: Many women have trouble being forthcoming when it comes to talking about money, but now more than ever it is important for us to speak up. Women entrepreneurs specifically can benefit from this advice in the fluctuating economy.
Business coach Veronica Canning admonishes that, “In a recession women business owners can’t afford to be shy. But if you’re a woman in business, the chances are that you don’t like negotiating and try to avoid it.”
In an uncertain economy negotiating and talking about money is becoming more and more important as someone who’s self-employed, or as a small business owner. But that doesn’t mean it comes easy. Canning admonishes business women to sharpen up their negotiation skills in order to survive.
This advice is important for women and is applicable in good economies and in bad. Although more and more women are out-earning men (whether that be in their own business or in the corporate world), they tend to suffer from generations of traditionally held ideas – one of which dictates that women aren’t the ones to be in charge of money, and it’s rude for them to talk about it. Canning suggests that “If you are not negotiating all the time, then you need to start at once. As things get tougher in the economy, you will need to be focused on getting what you need.” This bit of advice is appropriate and applicable for many women, not just entrepreneurs. Whether you have difficulty talking about money in business relationships or with your significant other in a personal relationship, it’s a pattern that can be broken.
The Balance Of Power: How Sex and Money Affect Your Relationships
Ever wondered what it would be like to make a career out of sex? Showtime’s new show “Secret Diary of a Call Girl” plays to just such curiosity.
It is based on the book which was based on the blog of an English call girl who sells her body to strangers because she loves sex and money.
As Entertainment Weekly reports:
“Call Girl” is a blatant attempt to re-create the friction and success of “Sex and the City” down to the knowing-girlfriend voice-over. Indeed, as Hannah by day, Belle by night, Piper gives us a sassy cross between Carrie and Samantha. If either of those characters had been British. Or hookers.
The series seems to make the case that you CAN be happy and be a prostitute, yet arguing that this is an enjoyable alternate career choice seems difficult to do. And the women who claim to have successfully done this are seemingly few and far between.
Sex and Money
Sex and money seem to be common themes nowadays, as sex scandals abound, and the money that comes along with it is obscene! As our culture becomes more engrossed in the pairing of these two subjects, they are also the two topics causing the most problems in marriage.
Sex is tied into money and that’s all wrapped up in power. The power struggle between men and women, in our relationships and marriages is familiar territory, if only recently glorified by bawdy TV shows.
The Balance of Money, Sex, and Power
As I discuss in my book, Financial Infidelity, the balance of money, sex, and power can make or break a relationship, and often times, financial infidelities can take just as heavy a toll on a relationship as a a sexual infidelity.
Couples often fall into financial infidelity when they are not honest about how they spend money, or don’t discuss the strain that finances can put on a relationship.
One person may be overspending and going behind the other’s back by getting cash back at the grocery store and using it for personal items, operating bank accounts that the other person doesn’t know about, or any one of a number of things, some of which may seem inconsequential.
Often, the issue isn’t that one partner is withdrawing, say $20 without the other’s knowledge, it’s the spirit of deceit in which it’s done.
The Blowback
The blowback from this can be financial: when the “deceived” partner finds out what’s going on, they may feel entitled to make purchases of their own, further eroding the confines of a budget, not to mention trust.
It can also be relational as financial infidelity involves going behind someone’s back, covering your tracks, and not being honest with your partner, just like sexual infidelity.
Knowing how to deal with these struggles and understanding the differences between you and your partner when it comes to these things is crucial to a healthy, respectful relationship. Of course, this is easier said than done, especially if you haven’t pried into your financial history before.
A good place to start is by discussing your personal money habits, then taking a look at how money was dealt with in your past and in your family. You might be able to start drawing some conclusions about current behavior from examining your past.