Today is Giving Tuesday!
Today is Giving Tuesday!
So how can you give? also by receiving! In order to love you have to be able to RECEIVE the “giving” from your partner whether emotionally or even a surprise. Many givers have trouble receiving. I like to give this exercise today on Giving Tuesday: surprise your partner with a gift–like a book or a thoughtful knick knack and practice how it feels to give and receive. There is a dopamine rush when we give, called the “helper’s high.” My father described that when he gave and instilled in me the peace we feel when we give, which is why I became a therapist! Take today to give, do something like say hi or smile to a child or elderly person you see, or help an elderly person cross the street. Give to your loved one and remember work on feeling more comfortable receiving. My book “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” and online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success: http://www.ed2go.com/online-cour…/marriage-and-relationships describes this rush. Sometimes, the dopamine rush we seek out , exhibits itself in a dysfunctional way. Giving will give you same rush some people get from adultery or financial infidelity. Tis the season to give , but make sure to give and receive all year round!!
Beware of Financial Infidelity During the Holiday Season!
With Black Friday and Cyber Monday coming to a close, beware of the financial infidelity that can come along with increased opportunities to shop. Whether as a way to keep track of wish lists for a certain store that then make shopping in-person easier with shorter lines; or buying the items directly from mobile sites, more people will be wired in to their devices. This can increase instances of financial infidelity – and make it easier – during an already high-risk time.
I coined Financial Infidelity to describe the financial betrayal that can happen when one or both partners spend money behind the other’s back. It’s a form of infidelity that’s so subtle, people often don’t realize they’re cheating – and it is especially high during the holidays. This is partly due to increased pressure to spend, thanks to days like Black Friday, as well as the desire to find the perfect gift in order to please people. Financial Infidelity is higher around the holidays because there are so many temptations to spend, but if families and couples can go into this season with a game plan for saving money, then everyone wins!
Shopping, whether in person, online, or via a mobile device, and saving money is often like a game. When people get a good deal they feel like they’re winning, and often they are! It’s profitable for people to get great deals on items they would regularly buy at their normal price. Shopping this way during the holiday season can prove to be cost effective. But, as with everything, it should be practiced in moderation, lest it be used as a compulsive way to fill a void.
Utilizing technology to be more efficient and get good deals are great alternatives to other forms of thrill-seeking that tend to emerge around the holidays. However, people need to be careful of the additional pitfalls: People often “shop till they drop” (instead of just shopping for what they need), or turn to cheating to get an unhealthy high. Additionally, mobile shopping can be utilized as a way to hide purchases from significant others, whether it’s an overly extravagant purchase for yourself, or even for a mistress. The dark side of the holiday season is that inhibitions tend to be down, stress levels are up, and people suffering from stress, separation and loss are looking to fill a void. Instead of indulging these feelings, go for healthy highs that have a positive influence.
For more on infidelity – financial and otherwise – check out my book, “Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker”, or “Make Up Don’t Break Up” with a free video download, “Falling in Love and Staying in Love.”
Teaching Empathy to Combat Bullying
Today, on my birthday, I want to talk about something I’m particularly passionate about–something my Mom taught me how to combat tens of years ago: bullying. I spoke with Andrea Peyser at the New York Post about bullying and its effects over the weekend.
Thirty-three percent of kids say they have been a victim of Cyber Bullying in one way or another. Of these, nearly half don’t tell anyone in their off-screen lives about the abuses. It is important that kids understand that Cyber Bullying is just as upsetting as being bullied in real life and it’s just as important to seek help if they’ve fallen prey to that behavior. I first learned about this at the age of 7 when girls in school tried to push me down the stairs. My mom taught me about the value of extending an olive branch and forgiveness. These kinds of experiences with bullying and cyber bullying can be irreparable to an adolescent’s self esteem. At adolescence, you are trying to form your own identity and peers can be more important than family. We need to teach children empathy. That is why I am an advocate of preventative orientations in colleges, high schools,and grammar schools. We need to teach kids not to be cruel from the beginning. Put them in the shoes of someone they might be criticizing or gossiping about. With kids communicating electronically, reactions to comments are not seen. Therefore, a child may not develop healthy communication skills. This is where the parent comes in.
There is a more than 50 percent chance that parents don’t know what is going on in their children’s online lives—yet more than half of the kids recognized that cyber bullying is as bad or worse than bullying in real life. Cyber Bullying also remains a problem for many teens, a quarter of whom say they would not know what to do if they were bullied online. Cyber Bullying is more serious than person-to-person taunting. The threats can be more vicious, and there is more shame involved. Because more people are exposed, Cyber Bullying leads to humiliation on a global level, leaving the victim feeling attacked and vulnerable. Kids can be exceedingly cruel. We need peer acceptance. Nobody likes to be humiliated and be made a spectacle. Schools need to take more of a stance on this and something should be done. It’s unacceptable that somebody treats somebody differently to make themselves feel better.
Learn more about parenting and relationships in my my best selling book: Make Up, Don’t Break Up! and my online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success.