How Indulging in Cake Could Lead to More this Holiday Season
Adultery is up in epidemic proportions during the holidays because love making has no calories – and everyone is tempted to indulge. Throughout the holiday season, indulging in things like chocolate cake at midnight becomes the norm. That indulgence is stress-busting and self-medicating and these indulgent behaviors can lead to adultery. Sugar highs can result in addictive behavior, releasing what I call “a biochemical craving for connection.” The biochemical craving for connection, which has to do with stress, loss, and separation translate into thrill-seeking, self-medicating and stress-busting addictive behavior. It is similar to the rush that is obtained through drinking alcohol, committing adultery, and financial infidelity – shopping ‘til you drop.
The consumption of sugar in the United States has climbed dramatically every single year, with a steady climb upwards since 1980 according to the U.S.D.A. Additionally, Stephan Guyenet and research partner Jeremy Landen calculated that with over sixty pounds of sweeteners being consumed on average each year per person, the resulting diet of an average American by the year 2606 will be comprised of 100% sugar. Eating too much fructose and glucose can turn off the gene that regulates the levels of active testosterone and estrogen in the body. Sugar, which will turn off that gene, will impede you having an affair your own partner. Instead, you will turn to thrill-seeking with forbidden fruit (not your own partner). Those two statistics combined do not fare well for the intimacy of Americans in the future. Reducing or avoiding all sugar during the holidays is challenging, but may be necessary – especially if you’re prone to temptation.
For more about Dr. Bonnie’s theory on the Biochemical Craving for Connection, watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUuN96_jBqc and read her book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up
Get the Romantic Gift You Want (and Deserve)!
Don’t worry about gift-giving season because you don’t know what you are going to get from your man–tell him! Women need to acknowledge that men cannot read their minds, and that the adage “if he really loved me, he’d know what I wanted without being told,” is not true. My husband, Jeff, tells me that men are more focused on practical useful things. They’re not always thinking of surprise and romance so they need a little help.
To do this, I suggest women go window shopping with their partners and point out things that they like. They could even pick out the gift together. It won’t be a surprise but you also won’t be disappointed or surprised by something you didn’t want! Another option for women who may still want to maintain a bit of mystery: Go shopping and point out a few things they like. Then they can let their partner have the final say and surprise them with a gift under the tree.
This sort of help could even be good for a relationship – men who take cues from their wives when it comes to gifts have happier marriages. On the other hand, when one person assumes the other knows what they want, or thinks they should be able to figure it out, it’s easy to cause fights and create romance wreckers this season.
Even if you get something that wouldn’t have been your first pick, you shouldn’t be critical. Men are afraid of gift-giving rejection, and they may subsequently “forget” important holidays like Christmas, Chanukah, Valentine’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries and other dates because they are fearful that their gift will be rejected. This comes from childhood wounds sustained when trying to please females in their lives like mothers and teachers. Instead of rejection, stay positive. Instead of saying nothing if you like a gift, or explaining why you don’t like it, build up positive reinforcement around the gift. If the gift doesn’t fit right or doesn’t look good, go back together to pick something out so it doesn’t seem like rejection.
In my practice, I see men dealing with infidelity who say that it is easier to get their mistresses presents than it is to get gifts for their wives because they believe their mistresses won’t insult or criticize it. Instead of falling into this trap, you can help your men get it right this holiday, so they can have an affair with you!
See more from me on love, relationships, and adultery in my books: Make Up Don’t Break Up and Adultery the Forgivable Sin.
Holiday Proof Your Marriage
New York, NY (PRWEB)
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of Make Up Don’t Break Up, warns couples that they must “holiday proof” their marriage and family in these economically challenging times. The tips she provides in this release can save your family from being the next peril of divorce.
“Holiday stress coupled with money anxiety is a set up for marital problems,” warns Dr. Bonnie. There is a direct correlation between stress and behavior that can be detrimental to relationships. From drinking too much, over eating, lack of sleep, and a myriad of other stress related behaviors a marriage on the brink can suffer irreparable damage.
Dr. Bonnie suggests that couples engage in activities that counteract the stresses many couples are sure to experience this holiday season. “Kiss more, hold more, and look for activities that create playful fun that aren’t costly.” Dr. Bonnie also recommends that couples tell the truth to their extended friends, family and children about their economic situation. “Don’t write checks you don’t have money for. Send a card with a loving sentiment instead of gifts. Friends and family will understand, and are most likely in similar economic situations.”
Another stress to marriages is unhappy kids who act out. Parents must also realize that their children feel stress, and busy parents miss the cues. “According to a 2009 study, (http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2009/11/stress.aspx), teens and tweens were more likely than parents to say that their stress had increased in the last year. Nearly half of the teens surveyed ages 13-17 said that they worried more this year, but only 28 percent of parents think their teen’s stress increased, and while a quarter of tweens ages 8-12 said they worried more this year, only 17 percent of parents believed their tween’s stress had increased. “This has two implications. Children are more stressed than ever, and parents aren’t aware,” explains Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie recommends that parents have healthy and honest discussions with their children about their fears and concerns, and teach appropriate behaviors to relieve stress, like playing ball instead of video games. Physical activity releases stress, while sitting exacerbates it.
Make Up Don’t Break Up offers communication tips, and assists couples develop skills to stay together when faced with adversity and the stressors of daily life.