Reacting Under Pressure: Oscars Edition
I don’t know about you, but I’m still reeling from Sunday’s Oscars twist ending. I’ve never seen anything like it–on Hollywood’s biggest night no less.
It was clear that Warren Beatty knew that something was wrong when he looked at that envelope, so what can we learn from what Beatty did? What should regular folks do when in a pressure situation? Despite pressure, if you think something is wrong, what should you do?
It’s ok to question something even if you’re under pressure! Stop, pause, announce problem and ask for help, trust your own instincts, you can make a mistake and admit it. Immediately ask for help if something does not seem right! Trust your first instinct and announce it, so it does not look like your mistake. This is particularly hard for men to do. Don’t second guess yourself, which is why he asked Faye for her opinion in roundabout way. Immediately say: I need to pause here to double check the envelope.
“Forgetting” Valentine’s Day is No Coincidence says Dr. Bonnie
(PRWEB)February 08, 2017
Warning to men: “Forgetting Valentine’s Day is not coincidental” says relationship therapist and adultery expert, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. “It’s an unconscious, destructive, grudge holding, romance wrecker.” Make Valentine’s Day sizzle instead!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD warns couples about how Valentine’s Day can be destructive and can even lead to divorce. It does not have to be, consider Valentine’s day a litmus test for taking the temperature of a marriage or relationship. Wives or girlfriends expect romance magic and sizzle on the most romantic day of the year. Instead, they are extremely disappointed if their husbands or boyfriends “forget” this romantic holiday.
Forgetting Valentine’s Day is “accidentally” on purpose to create drama, a fight, even a breakup, temporary as it may be. It’s a wake-up call, and a cry for help. His behavior is a symptom of unresolved relationship debris. Dr. Bonnie calls it “revenge forgetting” to her patients. The “forgetful” partner may have some resentment or hold a grudge with anger. Maybe he feels taken for granted or hates feeling nagged (brought on by stonewalling or not listening) or demanded upon. He may harbor negative feelings subconsciously, so he redirects this by disappointing her. He displaces his own quiet rage by getting his wife angry.
Some excuses women should never accept are: it’s only a retail holiday, it’s too commercial, every day is Valentine’s Day, restaurants are crowded and too expensive, or florists rip you off. These excuses cause disappointing feelings and are real “romance wreckers.” They set the stage for distance, detachment, and possibly divorce.
Dr. Bonnie teaches SmartHeart skills, as emphasized in Make Up, Don’t Break Up, to help identify a grudge and prevent build up of resentments. Learning how to “fight fair” can increase passion by clearing the air. These “skills” especially help men learn to communicate by appointment instead of walking out of the room during discussions. “Fair fighting” teaches empathy and affection and this increases passion when the offending partner has a time limit for fighting and has permission do so, in short intervals. Examples, performed by real, live couples, can be found in Make Up, Don’t Break Up’s accompanying video, “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples.” Men need many “time outs.” They are allergic to women’s emotionality. With “fair fighting,” men can air their resentments instead of storing them and the conflict works as an aphrodisiac for eventual passion. The power is in getting heard, not getting mad. Letting go of grudges is not about being right or fair, it’s about what works.
If a partner is missing out on Valentine’s day, he is missing out on one of the most romantic days and moments for potential intimacy. Forgetting the holiday is often a recurring pattern, so Dr. Bonnie suggests combating that by encouraging wives and girlfriends to take the initiative. Remind him about the Valentine’s Day, go shopping with him for it, and get him excited about the celebration. To seize the moment, use Dr. Bonnie’s SmartHeart tips from her book “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” and accompanying video “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples.” Since Valentine’s Day can be used to measure the temperature of a relationship, more often than not, men forgetting Valentine’s Day is a sign of something more. These warning signs can be signs of adultery or the ripening of a relationship for an affair, so heed the warning. Men are not in touch with their feelings and typically hold in these feelings. Men need to be guided as they don’t always know how to feel or what they feel. Most men are “connectable by instruction.” To quote Dr. Jeff Weil, Dr. Bonnie’s husband, “If I knew what I felt, I would tell you, so I welcome your help.” SmartHeart dialogue was born by dialoguing to help Jeff understand what he was feeling and be able to express it. SmartHeart dialogue helps them dig deep with small doses of communication and results in an endorphin high with “play” after the talks.
Kissing is a “Smart Heart” opportunity that emits Oxytocin and releases “feel good” hormones that bond you to your partner and create a feeling of safety. This negates the bad feelings a partner might harbor. If issues remain unresolved, they are a wake up call and a cry for help, so Dr. Bonnie recommends counseling. Romance should be number one priority on your list and it is the first to go when relationship troubles are brewing.
Beyond forgetting Valentine’s year after year, some other signs that he may be secretly harboring a grudge include,: excusing his behavior, minimizing the holiday, putting down his partner for wanting to celebrate, makes fun of the holiday, acting like a Scrooge, pushing partner away, turned off when affection is initiated by the other, leaves early in the day, comes home late, is argumentative, is not talkative around you but is with others, little or no intimacy with partner, “too tired” or uses work to distance themselves, shuts down when approached, stonewalls with silence, denies anything is wrong, does not want to discuss the grudge, or gets moody when asked about it.
To grudge bust,: do not say yes when mean no, watch out for delayed reactions that cause resentment later, stand your ground, don’t cave even if it’s easier, “act as if” even if you don’t “feel” the good feelings, do not do “peace at any price” it leads to war, write letter representing partner’s apology for hurt caused and show your partner the feelings.
For more information on “fighting fair” to fight grudges and SmartHeart skills, enroll in Dr. Bonnies online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Check out her book, winner of NYTimes Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more warning signs and solutions to reach magic in marriage.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin(adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
Beware Pre Valentine’s Day: February 13th is Mistress Day says Dr. Bonnie
(PRWEB)February 07, 2017
Consider this a heads up to wives: beware of February 13th. Pre Valentine’s Day is Mistress Day, says marriage and relationship therapist, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil.
You may be looking forward to a romantic, special Valentine’s Day, but your husband may be keeping someone else out late the night before. According to AOL reports, February 13th is possibly busier than February 14th for florists, restaurant reservations, and lingerie stores because men, especially those with the Madonna-mistress complex, are wining and dining their mistresses.
The mistress feels like the second fiddle being honored on the 13th, so often the husband over corrects to alleviate the guilt of “sloppy seconds.” He might buy lavish and romantic presents for her like diamonds and jewelry, while the wife gets a more “practical” gift like a blender or vacuum cleaner. According to research done by Ashley Madison, a website created for “discreet encounters,” cheating husbands are likely to spend over 2 times the amount of money on their mistresses compared to gifts for their wives. Dr. Bonnie says this is to pacify the mistresses who are relegated to “leftover time,” as most of his time is spent at work or with family. The husband uses gifts to make up for her lack of status.
Dr. Bonnie wants you to heed the warning signs of Mistress Day. Pay attention if you’re noticing late nights on February 13th, vagueness about his whereabouts, or a distant and distracted partner. The husband may even be taking his wife out to the exact same restaurant for Valentine’s Day as he did his mistress the night before. Same maitre d, same waiter, same food, different woman! Dr. Bonnie explains the Madonna Mistress complex, as found in Adultery: The Forgivable Sin, as a symptom of men “splitting” their wives in half emotionally. The wife is the madonna–she is put on a pedestal as mother and caretaker of him and his children. The mistress fulfills his need for thrill seeking, mystery, novelty. She is used for excitement and physical desires. Men with this complex might forget romantic touches like a card, chocolates, or flowers, but will fulfill their perfunctory duty by taking their partners out to dinner. He might have to be reminded about the holiday or the wife may have to make the dinner reservation. Some other warning signs of the madonna-mistress complex include a partner’s physical rejection, even when the other is wearing lingerie or “spicing things up,” rejecting date night, or provoking arguments when wife is playful or flirty. He comes late into marital bed nightly after wife asleep, “jumps “out of bed before wife awakes to go to the gym, makes sure he is not alone with wife, brings family along always, is “tired” for face to face, or is a workaholic. Maybe, conversations revolve around work or children only. If these warning signs are familiar, seek out counseling as the relationship is ripe for an affair. Adultery can be prevented, treated, and forgiven if it is caught early, and the adulterer stops the behavior and shows remorse. Dr. Bonnie advocates having an affair with your own partner to avoid what she calls the “Biochemical Craving for Connection” with a mistress (as demonstrated in Oprah and Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful“).
She recommends using SmartHeart skills from “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” to prevent adultery and become a mistress instead of only a madonna.
It is important to go out with your husband. Make no excuses. Dress up and don’t talk about problems, kids, or money. Use the time to connect and court intimacy.
Do not drink alcohol during a rough patch. It is a depressant and makes you more confrontational and aggressive when talking about your problems with each other.
Sometimes, make sure to be more of a mistress than a caretaker. Don’t give unwanted advice.
Recreate those same brain chemicals you had when you first fell in love, back when you were in the honeymoon stage. A simple 20-second hug will rejuvenate dopamine and leave you with a fully alive, happy feeling. A 30-second kiss produces oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” making partners feel bonded and safe with each other. Keep falling in love with your own partner by having an affair with your own partner.
For more information on SmartHeart skills and the madonna in marriage, enroll in Dr. Bonnies online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Check out her book, winner of NYTimes Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more magic in marriage.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
What’s the Secret to a Good Marriage? Look to Superbowl 51 for Answers
What’s the Secret to a Good Marriage? Look to Superbowl 51 for Answers
Finding the secrets to a good marriage are closer than one might think, just look at the TV screen! Bill Belichick and Tom Brady work together to form an explosive team and their football “marriage” is one to emulate in personal marital relationships.
February 02, 2017
The secrets to a good marriage are right on the TV screen. Just ask Bill Belichick and Tom Brady! They definitely have one, says football therapist, relationship therapist and author of “Make Up, Don’t Break Up,” Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. Brady has been quoted as giving his coach, Belichick, the control, instead of working against him. This is similar to a functional marriage–you’re on the same team. Dr. Bonnie says it’s the combination of the two together, an “opposites match made in heaven.” Like the couples she sees in her practice, they share control and don’t compete against one another. They complement each other’s strengths, and feed off each other in a good way.
Talking heads, players, and fans on programs like ESPN’s “First Take” and all over the internet and TV debate endlessly over who’s responsible. Who gets the credit? Is it Tom? Is it Belichick? Can one win without the other? As they go to their 7th Superbowl this upcoming Sunday, the magic in their marriage is evident. Will their chemistry and hard work pay off in a victory and a 5th Superbowl title together?
Dr. Bonnie and her husband met Tom Brady in an elevator the day before his first Superbowl against the Rams. In talking to him and hearing his nerves, she used her “SmartHeart” skills, honing in on positive affirmations, to encourage a win (he won!) Dr. Bonnie adds, “in a good marriage, each partner listens to the other which brings validation and respect.” Brady is quoted as saying he listens to Belichick and Belichick respects and listens to Brady. No love can exist with couples if respect is missing. Dr. Bonnie says their winning “opposites” combination is easy to understand. Bill Belichick’s better half is Tom Brady and vice versa. Defensive minded Belichick and offensive guru, Brady, show how opposites attract just like in a marriage, and just like in a marriage, over time, they become more alike than different in how they approach things. They mirror each other. In a marriage, the “hard knocks” make the couple stronger. The same is true for Belichick and Brady, both of whom had to overcome bumps and crashes at the start of their respective careers. Belichick was fired in the beginning of his career and experienced a resurgence as head coach of the Patriots. It was largely Belichick’s trust in a sixth-round draft pick out of Michigan that elevated Brady to his hall of famer status today. This is the best type of “marriage” according to Dr. Bonnie. They keep learning and growing from each other, creating positive vibes that translate to reaching a potential 5th Superbowl win in Superbowl 51! Brady’s secret is not resisting Belichick’s demands, but conforming to them. Just like in a marriage, they have gotten past the “Power Struggle” stage and are in the “Real Life Love” stage that is based on respect and validating one another. It is what is essential in a marriage–letting each other do their own thing without encumberments.
Just like the twosome in a couple, the connection and the relationship between quarterback and coach is the difference between winning or losing a Superbowl, as it filters down to the whole football team. So to answer commentators, players, and fans whether it is Belichick or Brady who wins Superbowls, it’s the marriage between the two of them! It’s the combination as a pair recommitting to each other every game as you do with your partner every day in a marriage.
For more information on reaching real life love and opposites in marriage, enroll in Dr. Bonnies online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Check out her book, winner of NY Times Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more and SmartHeart Skills and magic in marriage.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN.