Men Pair Up Quickly After Divorce, but Women Bounce Back Better
After divorce or the end of a long-term relationship, men tend to live alone for about three months before pairing up again. It’s easier for women to bounce back after divorce. Men tend to think of themselves as the independent one on the relationship but what they often find is that they’re actually dependent on the woman in their life. When that woman is gone, they begin the quest to find someone to fill that role.
Though not always the case, men often don’t know what they’ve got till it’s gone. They don’t realize that women do a lot of things that are integral parts of life, and they take them for granted. Women tend to take charge of the social calendar, nurture the relationship, and take care of a myriad of details. In this way, men need women but sometimes don’t want to admit it. This can make being single after a long-term relationship that much harder.
This comes from the wound they have from childhood when they’re separating from their mother and learning to be masculine. But often this happens before they’re truly ready and into adulthood they continue to seek out women who can fill this nurturing void.
While women naturally do better after a split, that doesn’t mean that men can’t rebound healthfully – and it’s imperative that they do. Since so many second marriages also end in divorce, they need to think especially hard before jumping right back into the relationship game. Men should ask themselves what they want and need in their next partner to discover what, if any, voids they’re trying to fill. Instead of spending energy after a breakup looking for the next relationship, men should take that time to work on themselves and how to grow as a person in the areas where they may have been relying on their partner.
It’s Time to Talk Credit Scores!
Avoid financial infidelity—the #1 relationship wrecker and a pre-cursor to infidelity—by talking about credit scores/finances early in the relationship—even on the first date! Good credit is sexy. The way people handle their money tells you a lot about how they handle romance and sex. Talk about your financial personality early on. Don’t wait until your relationship is at a critical point.
Financial Infidelity is more widespread than many think; studies show that 60% of couples say it is just as destructive as cheating. More than 34 percent of men and women keep money secrets from their spouse. Want to know if someone will remain faithful? Check their credit score. All the attributes required to maintain good credit, like trustworthiness and honesty, also apply to good relationships. Credit scores are like the dating equivalent of a sexually transmitted disease, giving a sense of someone’s financial past the same way an S.T.D. test gives some information about a person’s sexual past.
Make money talks sexy by using my Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue. This dialogue acts like glue when a relationship is new, and includes in a non-threatening way discussing credit scores early on so a relationship doesn’t stop before it starts. For singles who can’t find or keep loving relationships, these skills can help them get past that all-important third date.
To learn more about my Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue and infidelity—financial or otherwise—please check out to her books “Make Up, Don’t Break Up,” (winner of the New Times best dating book, 2010) which includes a DVD “Falling in Love and Staying in Love” and “Financial Infidelity, the #1 Relationship Wrecker.” You can also view a short video on financial infidelity at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMlPVftn-E0&t=1s
Tips to Bring Back Sizzle
Wouldn’t life be easy if people were like mood rings where they would change color depending on mood? Or perhaps were like Facebook where you could read their mood status at any given moment? Many couples may know their partner is unhappy but they don’t know how to change it and make it better. How to bring back the honeymoon feeling of when they first fell in love and bring back the “romance magic” that sizzle of when they first met! I specialize in assisting couples in finding that spark that initially started the fire between the couple. Couples need to fight fair to air the issues weekly to create the passion the relationship needs.
Some tips for couples to get back that sizzle:
Check in daily to see if your partner is feeling loved the way they need to be loved, are they getting enough attention and are all their needs met? Significant others need to walk in each others shoes to feel how they feel.
Couples should give verbal aphrodisiacs daily to increase the passion and each others self esteem. Tell your partner something that will make them feel good daily, you’re so beautiful, I love your hair that way, dinner is amazing. Verbal aphrodisiacs are imperative in any relationship.
Give each other a 30 second kiss and 20 second hug to bond you and increase the oxytocin levels in your brain. This is the feel good hormone that will make you feel like you first fell in love.
Everyone needs to learn the keys to a lasting relationship, and the importance of fighting fair. Relationships require daily work and daily rituals to keep strong. Learn more tips to keep every relationship feeling new in my online course. https://www.ed2go.com/online-courses/marriage-and-relationships?tab=detail
How to have a winter affair with your own partner
As Storm Stella prepares to blanket the Northeast with snow, I implore you to use it as an excuse to make some long-lasting winter memories! While not being able to get to scheduled appointments – like work, school, meetings, etc – can be stressful, it’s important to use the mandatory down-time to rekindle a spark with your significant other. Refocus this downtime and put it to good use.
Here are a few of the things you can do to have a winter affair with your own partner:
Mix up a hot drink and then cozy up with each other. Whether it’s hot chocolate or hot toddy, getting warm together doesn’t HAVE to involve sex! Start out with something simple like a drink to warm up and snuggle up together by reading a book, playing a game, or beginning a project.
Let it lead to sex. Studies show that during big storms people usually make love, make babies or fight. Starting by reconnecting with something simple (a book, a game, etc.), can lead to a more intimate conclusion. Make the most of your time indoors, since there’s nowhere else you can be, even if you wanted to. Instead of letting obligations cause stress, let go of responsibilities by having an affair with your own partner.
Get outside. That’s right ~ it may be cold but when people don’t have anywhere to be, why not relive the excitement that snow days brought as a kid? These types of opportunities often bring out our inner child, so go with it, get playful and see where it leads. Couples may learn something new about each other, discover something new they can do together (who doesn’t love making snowmen?), and if nothing else, have a good time goofing around together.
Recreate the chemicals couples experienced when they first fell in love. Take this opportunity to give a 30 second kiss and/or 20 second hug to reconnect and fall back in love.
Determining if You Have a Viable Relationship
Women often ask how they can determine if the man they’re dating is someone with whom they can have a viable relationship. Here are some guidelines on keeping the relationship going and when you should let go.
- He makes movement toward you
- He is somewhat conscious of his needs and is willing to be taught about yours
- He is willing to look at his distance and closeness issues
- He spends more time with you, even if he says he doesn’t want to get serious
- He validates your feelings and needs
- He is connectable by instruction (Men need a prescription. They are logical and like to know exactly what to do)
- He treats you like you’re invisible
- He is not spending time with you and keeps making excuses
- He puts you last
- He can’t meet any of your needs
- He calls you demanding (because he can’t meet them)
- He’s inconsistent
- He’s dishonest
- He’s not willing to be conscious of your relationship and work on it together
People who play together, stay together.
According to the Journal of Personality and Social Sciences, couples who engage in adrenaline-raising, novel activities are happier. That doesn’t mean that you have to bungee jump or skydive but you do have to do something playful. You can’t just go on a date and have dinner together, you have to engage in high energy play. Any fun, novel, and exciting activity can bring that sex spark back.
No better aphrodisiac than helping a woman around the house
There is no better aphrodisiac than helping a woman around the house. Women work 36 hours inside the house in addition to their careers. According to a 2015 report done by the University of Alberta. Couples who share household work fairly equally report having more frequent and more satisfying sex. That means that if men want to have more sex, they need to help out, so the woman doesn’t burn out.
Never underestimate the power of love and never take it for granted!
“I will connect with you, detach myself from my own thoughts and intentions so I can hear you and walk in your shoes”
This is an example of a SmartHeart Vow from real-life couples. They are demonstrating fighting fair as seen in free bonus video that comes with purchase of Dr. Bonnie’s book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up
Spring has sprung!
Spring has sprung! Winter doldrums will lift soon when we see warmer and more consistent weather.
Today is the first day of spring. For some, winter doldrums may remind you of your moody partner. For you to share: what to do with a moody partner who sometimes drains us. Check out and share Dr. Bonnie’s, author of Make Up, Don’t Break Up, video on your moody partner . Do not enable this damaging behavior which wrecks emotional intimacy. Instead, learn from this video and watch passions soar!
Even When Sleeping Separately, You’re Not Just Roommates
The National Sleep Foundation found that 1 in 4 married couples sleep in separate bedrooms! The National Association of Homebuilders predicted this years ago and started building dual master bedrooms as the new norm for custom houses. Different sleep schedules, snoring, and restless leg syndrome make it hard to sleep together, so people sleep separately instead. Couples can feel shame and worry about what sleeping in separate bedrooms means, but it’s becoming less of an indicator of fear of intimacy to those who opt for this arrangement to prevent fights or distance.
Even though it’s becoming more acceptable, you’re missing out on some of the most important bedtime rituals. Couples kiss and cuddle and have romantic and significant pillow talk before bed, especially when they go to bed at the same time. Some say you can still do that, and then go to separate bedrooms for sleeping. Some compensate by eating dinner together and spending more time together during waking hours. What happens outside the bedroom sets up what happens inside the bedroom. Set up romance magic. The cuddle hormone, Oxytocin, is activated by cuddling and sex and is needed even if you are in separate bedrooms. Many of my patients feel rejected when their partner retreats to different bedrooms. They feel like roommates, if they are not practicing romance magic in addition. “Not just roommates” has to be reinforced to restore and maintain sizzle-including goodnight and pillow talk rituals! This is essential connecting time. to be put in place even stronger with emotional and physical intimacy a real priority to negate the fallout of sleeping in separate bedrooms. In cases of snoring and separate bedrooms, these tips can save a marriage.
Join my Education2Go course for more tips on romance magic http://www.ed2go.com/
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/03/30/why-so-many-married-couples-sleeping-separate-beds/99818086/