Celebrate Our Anniversary And Our Romance Magic

Celebrate Our Anniversary And Our Romance Magic

We’re celebrating our anniversary and real life love – the kind that lasts forever – is the most magical heart-melting gift life has to offer.

In the last chapter of my book Make Up, Don’t Break Up titled “I Did It, So Can You!” I wrote it because most of my patients and people in general who don’t believe they can get married after the age of 40, that time when our biological clocks are ticking.  In this chapter, I visualized and believed that I could get married again.  After years of not dating, my mentor asks why I was not dating or married yet; he mentioned he believed I was scared to get married again because I was so into my career.

After hearing that, I began my therapist work with not only couples but single people like myself who have never been able to get married and hearing the loud tick of their biological clock.  And what I found was, I had the same fears that I thought all the men I met at the time which was commitment issues, I was fearful as we, as we all are at this stage.

With that said, when I wrote Make Up, Don’t Break Up I wanted to share with everyone how I got over my fears and how my husband got over his as well.  When I say I did it so can you I am so happy my husband, and I found each other. Because we did not stop the relationship before it really got started, which is what a lot of single people do, I did it when I was dating we made it happen.  We put our own barriers in the way, not realizing we are holding ourselves back.

In this last chapter of the book, I Did It So Can You; I talked about our Smart Heart Vow:

“I will connect with you,

detach myself from my own thoughts

and emotions so I can hear you and walk in your shoes.”

It’s our 25th anniversary, and we realized we’d been together 30 years, which is amazing, and we would not be together if we didn’t do the Smartheart Skills and dialogue that my husband developed.  While dating, whenever we had a fight he would dance me around the room and I realized by doing this, it made me feel better, my endorphins were going off.

In our vows, he called me the guardian of connection which is interesting because in makeup, Don’t Break Up I talk about the woman making the first move.

I made the first move by helping him get over his fears.  Many times women think the man should make the first move, so they wait, and the man doesn’t make the first move because he may be more afraid of rejection than the woman.  That term guardian of connection that he referred to in our vows meant to him that if it weren’t for me, we wouldn’t be getting married, so I was the one who connected both of us.

He also talked about me being electric and magic and how I helped him see the world differently because I like to have fun and he has been a more serious and a workaholic.  So, because of me he’s been sowing the flowers and seeing the world very differently.  Love is fragile, and we had Calla Lillies (flowers) in our wedding because they are very fragile.

Just like those flowers, he said they were fragile like our love which had to be watered, maintained and taken care of or it will die.  We follow those Smartheart Skills and dialogue, creates a bond, makes you feel safe, it’s mutuality, using love instead of fear to get you closer every day.  That later led to Fantasy Friday’s which is what we will be doing on our anniversary.

Fantasy Friday is every week one of us kidnaps the other and doesn’t say what we’re doing, and the other person is not allowed to complain. It’s a surprise, and the element of surprise is always good for the dopamine because it always gives you that excitement and novelty in a relationship.

This week we’ve moved the date to Sunday (Fantasy Sunday 😉 to celebrate our anniversary.

The Country Club where we got married is a half-mile away from our home; we took a pontoon boat to the club the day of the wedding.  It was a different kind of wedding, we docked the boat and got married outside despite the fact that it was windy and the canopy was blowing.  It looked like a storm was coming with all the wind that was blowing through.  But as soon as we docked our boat the sun came out.  Everyone clapped and was excited.  And that is the way our life has been.  When we found each other we were both coming out of stormy relationships and then we met, and it was a ray of sunshine.  We love water; so living on the lake and by the east river is very special to us.

Fairy tales may not come true, but the magic of true connection outshines even the best of fantasies.  Don’t let love pass you by.  Go out and make it happen.  You deserve to have the best life has to offer, so reach for the stars, keep your face to the sunshine, and remember that without the rain and the wind, there would be no flowers.

I did it, so can you!

From my heart to yours,

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

Low doses of pot reverses memory loss and can halt mental decline

A new German study has found that low doses of pot reverses memory loss and can halt mental decline. Could this be a breakthrough for old age and altzeimers? A patient just sent me this info this morning . I love how my patients are so eager to share with me as I do with them so we can share with you. It’s like that song reach out and touch somebody’s hand . The low dose is the key possibly to this study because an internist I work with regarding my patients who have addictions like adultery and pot or alcohol (I call the biochemical craving for connection)  finds excessive pot smoking alters judgement and decesion making for monogamy for instance and affects energy levels and possibly fertility.

High School Students React to 13 Reasons Why

http://ow.ly/sIKt30btOQR

What an amazing reaction to Netflix’ “13 Reasons Why”! These students are inspiring. This reminds me of when I sat at a Broadway show and was surprised to find myself sitting next to the person who wrote the song! When the song came on and Simpson heard the lyrics “reach out and touch somebody’s hand,” she grabbed my hand. Reaching out (like the song says) can give hope and boost someone ‘s need for positive energy to flow through the other. Another person can make the difference in someone else’s life just by being there and understanding and creating choices and options to live. The will to live comes from hope. Kudos to these students for reminding all of us that there’s always a way with help.

If you or your child wants to speak about this more, contact me at www.doctorbonnie.com

It’s Time to Buck the Trend of Sex Before Dating

Young singles are dating less and hooking up more for sex before they even go on one date.Whether the trend comes from the various opinions that young adults are not interested in commitment (after all many of their parents divorced), have more access to online porn, are too busy working and going to school to date, or want to delay relationships, the research is clear that dating patterns are changing, and confusion abounds. Even the word “hookup” means different things to different people. For some hooking up means casually hanging out. For others hooking up means having a sexual encounter. I hope that young adults reach a consensus that undefined relationships and casual encounters are not satisfying in the long run, and the ambiguity can cause more loneliness and heartache. These students will not be prepared to fall in love and stay in love, nor will they have developed important relationship skills when they are ready for committed relationships.

There is no getting around the reality that emotional attachments are developed in sexual relationships. In my book Make Up Don’t Break Up, I take a sensible and emotionally safe approach to teaching couples how to nurture friendships, and communicate feelings—which gives clarity and eliminates conflicting expectations. However, with this trend of college students hooking up without dating first, women are not only lowering their standards for what they might want or need from a relationship, they don’t even know the person well enough to determine whether they might want him to stick around.

In Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying videos Falling in Love and Staying in Love, I teach skills for nurturing and growing lasting relationships. The lack of dating before sex tells me that young adults are sleeping with virtual strangers, which is alarming. And, this casual hook up trend will not help people understand how to get a relationship started.