Seasons Cheating
Sex has no calories, but sugar brings out cheating.
Most affairs start at holiday parties so BEWARE!
Tips on how to hold that line. How not to be tempted. If you or your partner is tempted
Check out my cheating predictor cheat sheet to see if you or your partner is ripe for an affair and temptation.
Want to have an affair with your OWN partner? Start by bringing him or her to that office party!!
Adulterers and sexual harassers like Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey, among others are people who act out through sexual deviation.
It’s important to note that they are even more triggered under the influence of alcohol. The reason being is that alcohol and other food or drinks high in sugar and addiction of all kinds, especially adultery are related!
Let me explain, stress, loss, or separation (we see this with politicians, Hollywood figures, corporate executives, etc.) creates a “fight or flight” behavioral reaction and most people turn to sugar or alcohol as they thrill seek to calm them and their anxiety down.
They then self-medicate from thrill-seeking and dangerous behavior which temporarily relives their stress and blood sugar fluctuation from the stress to create a “high.”
This causes “acting” out behavior or poor impulse control and a form of the obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) which Dr. Bonnie believes can be treated, controlled and even cured with a special diet free of sugar; taking supplements to create clarity and good judgment to minimize the OCD and control impulses; and special exercise to create the “high” from the endorphin rush.
The high from the endorphin rush is a similar rush the sexual harasser experiences with thrill-seeking and dangerous behavior. My opinion is treatment centers alone do not suffice, as the diet change, exercise and supplements are not part of the treatment. If people take the supplements described and stick to the special low sugar diet and psychotherapy if followed, they can be treated and even cured.
To avoid seasons cheating, it’s important to keep this in mind that during this season, starting now until after the New Year. There are high expectations for fun combined with job and family stress which leads to high emotions and correspondingly low inhibitions.
If you are a partygoer, you may be just as tempted to indulge in extramarital sex, as you are to pig out on fattening food.
It’s important to realize that “emptiness” is at its peak during the holidays. Why? Nostalgia and yearning from warm memories from the innocence of childhood make us vulnerable to temptation.
Remember, monogamy is a conscious choice, and you cannot make that choice when vulnerable.
People are looking to reclaim a lost utopia during the holidays for unmet needs and frustrations and hurt from either their childhood or being in or out of a relationship.
Adultery becomes a natural painkiller during times of stress and blood fluctuations from stress helps to create a thrill-seeking “cocktail.” Adding sugar or alcohol fuels the “thrill seeking” behavior where there is no clarity of judgment to hold that line (where monogamy and “proper” behavior would be a choice.)
A lot of the sexual harassers in the news over the past two months are examples of this.
It’s time we stop shaming and blaming as we did with alcoholism and not only treat this as a disease but see as it a disease. The OCD, the lack of clarity, and judgment, along with poor impulse control can be changed with the protocol I outlined.
We are now seeing a shift where women are speaking out because they realize that by doing so, they are no longer enabling the behavior. This, however, is not enough. This behavior needs to be seen as a disease that needs treatment rather than shame and judgment, or it will rear its ugly head over and over again.
If we want the harassment to stop, we need to TREAT the problem and not judge those who have the problem.
We are now seeing a flood of people who have experienced harassment, both men, and women. This is a wake-up call for all of us.
Doesn’t this tell us something if so many people in our society are experiencing this type of treatment and staying quiet about it? It’s important not to make light of the situation at hand, but this disease is just as prevalent, in my opinion, its a HEALTH issue like alcoholism, obesity, and diabetes. It’s good that this disease is finally getting the attention that it needs, although in a negative light. We still don’t have the UNDERSTANDING that this is a disease that I call the biochemical craving for connection.
Its time we stop blaming and shaming and get these thrill seekers the help they need instead of firing them.
As we are now seeing this is an epidemic. And just like obesity, diabetes and alcohol go together, adultery/sexual harassment and sugar also go together.
So many innocent men and women are affected by harassment, and since there is NO recourse in place when they do speak out its time we do something about this!
We need to TREAT this problem and not just JUDGE those with the problem.
From my practice and from my experience from childhood with my father who was an adulterer and cured his problem. With his help, I found that there is a link between, sugar, diet, stress and adultery/harassment. It is hard for all of us to see because adultery/sexual harassment is so hurtful to so many people. We are so turned off and put off by this behavior that it is hard to see as a DISEASE.
This is a societal EPIDEMIC that needs to stop NOW!
Step 1 is to speak out.
Step 2 is to STOP IT!
Step 3 is to treat it and not judge it.
Firing people is just putting a band-aid over the cut with cleaning it out.
Again, I refer to this disease as the biochemical craving for connection.
The time is NOW to fix this, my father did and so can any adulterer/sexual harasser who follows the protocol I referred to earlier.
We want to help you prevent cheating in your relationship this holiday season, get our FREE online resource!
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert known as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. US Commerce Association voted Dr. Bonnie Best Therapist 2011-2017.
Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Family stress for the holidays
I would like to ask everyone to lower your expectations of being ‘one big happy family’ during the holiday (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Years). These high expectations can kill relationships at holiday gatherings. It is essential to not force closeness.
The time you spend with your family and friends should be natural, not forced. To that end, follow the tips below to make it through the upcoming holidays.
- Have activities planned. The Nintendo Wii is the perfect example – families can communicate and be active, but still, minimize expectations of intimacy
- Stay away from heavy topics such as politics and other hot-button issues.
- Keep things light – avoid confrontation.
- For people that have had a previous falling out with a family member, call ahead to smooth things over a few weeks before the family event, and don’t discuss it at the event.
- Call ahead if you look forward to particular food and offer to bring it. Remind your family of the ritual of your favorite dish!
- If you come from a chaotic, dysfunctional family keep visits short and stay at a hotel.
- When possible host holiday gatherings on your own turf so you have control – and don’t offer your home up for people to stay there.
- Everything in balance to avoid arguments. Remember: drinking and sugary holiday goodies can lead people to be more argumentative.
- You don’t have to be superwoman or man. It’s OK to ask for help before or hire help. Hosts should talk about the expectations and agenda with their partner and kids so everyone’s clear on the role that they’ll play.
- Tell people what to bring to minimize cost or duplicates on the part of the host.
- Remember: Different strokes for different folks – ask people to bring movies that they like, and even extra DVD players to mitigate argument and conflict.
- If Aunt Edie brings her favorite inedible cake, tell her it’s so special you want to freeze and save for the new year (so you don’t have to serve it). Same with a non-drinkable bottle of wine.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker-Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert known as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. US Commerce Association voted Dr. Bonnie Best Therapist 2011-2017.
Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Adultery is a family affair
Especially around the holidays
Every day a new perpetrator, whether its an entertainment bosses, actors, reporter, politicians, you name it. Just turn on the news or read the paper and you find another person with power abusing that power.
We may look at Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Bill O’Riley, Mark Halpern, Al Franken to name of few of those implicated and think I am not on their level it can’t happen to me. But think again, adultery is a common issue, hence the reason for the high divorce rate in our society today.
Now that the holiday season is here, beware of office parties, most affairs start at holiday parties, and I want to give you some tips to hold the line and ward off temptations.
I use a holistic approach to prevent this during holidays when people binge on sugar, which acts as an aphrodisiac! Because blood sugar fluctuations occur from stress even more during the holidays it causes people to act out; sugar also breeds addiction.
As I wrote in my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin previous post from 2016.
Because Over 90% of men and women fantasize about a coworker and attending the holiday party becomes a catalyst for extramarital affairs. If you are lonely and attracted to someone in the office, tell your partner that you need more personal attention and that you are starting to develop feelings for a coworker because you miss spending time with them.
It is not an easy task to steer clear of these parties without looking suspicious, so I’ve put together “Do’s and Don’ts” on how to get through the seasonal parties without ruining your marriage. These steps are guaranteed ways to hold the line amid temptation at office parties.
DO Bring your partner! Especially if you find someone in the office attractive, bring your partner to the party. Having that mutual support nearby will assist you with fighting those wandering thoughts and urges. If your partner cannot attend, it is important that you talk about your plans especially around the coworker that you find attractive. Discuss what you will do as a couple or speak about family traditions in order to jog your memory of how significant your marriage is to you throughout the event.
DO Go early to the party – Leave early – Go home alone. If your partner cannot attend the party, this simple mantra will ensure an easy escape from temptation. Typically these parties include alcohol and its effects lower inhibitions which can lead to disastrous decision making. Be sure to arrive early and leave earlier as most parties tend to become uproarious as the day rolls into night once the libations are dispersed. Staying 20 – 30 minutes to show your support for the company’s party is enough time to mingle with coworkers. Most importantly, no matter if the accountant’s car will not start or the IT guy just cannot seem to find his keys, go home alone!
DO Think of your partner three times a day in a positive light during the work hours. Picture the coworker you fantasize ten pounds heavier and ten years older.
DON’T Drink. The mistletoe, alcohol, and romance of the season appears to give consent to lose control at office parties and can result in igniting illicit passion. It may not be the “cool thing to do” but it can certainly save you from a world of problems. Enjoy seasonal drinks like eggnog and virgin cocktails. Non-alcoholic beer is also an option, it is socially acceptable, tastes better than ever before and most locations even offer a variety to choose from.
DON’T Dance the Lambada. Avoid dancing too closely with coworkers and keep appropriate space in general while socializing. Do not forget that this is an office party and those human resources rules still apply. A sexual harassment claim filed against you is not how you will want to ring in the New Year at the office.
DON’T Flirt. Flirting during the holiday season can lead to other activities rather quickly – especially under the influence of alcohol. Remain professional, avoid racy jokes, watch your body language and definitely do not meet ANYONE under the mistletoe.
Adultery is a family affair as it affects generations to come, let’s change our children’s legacy by treating and curing this.
We want to help you prevent cheating in your relationship this holiday season, get our FREE online resource!
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D
Love and Relationship Expert