Ageless Romance: More Retirees are Finding or Keeping Love Alive says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
Ageless Romance: More Retirees are Finding or Keeping Love Alive
Thanks to longer life expectancy, and a wider social network, more senior citizens are finding love later in life. According to the AARP, more people in their 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s are getting re-married after death or divorce later in life.
Sex and relationship therapist, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, has suggestions for couples wanting to keep romance alive later in life.
– Lao Tzu
As people live longer, divorce becomes more common, and social networks expand, more and more people are re-marrying later in life. A study from the University of Missouri shows about 500,000 Americans age 65 and older remarry each year), and New York Magazine reports that sex and love is alive and well in retirement communities.
Relationship therapist Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says that there are specific tips retirees should follow to keep the romance alive in their relationship, as well as advice that is fitting for a healthy relationship no matter what age!
Whether on a first marriage, or a remarriage, Dr. Bonnie points out that “as people get older, and they often become more stubborn and have less patience, they are less apt to want to work on a relationship.” This can present challenges to marriages that occur later in life. To this end, Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue to help couples stay happy and healthy in their golden years. “These skills are good for any relationship, but especially important when a couple is perhaps a bit set in their ways!”
– Joseph Campbell
Dr. Bonnie’s Smart Heart Skills provide a place where each person can express any frustrations or concerns in a constructive manner. She suggests couples check in with each other on any issues they face once a week for ten minutes or so. “Share any needs about connection, disconnection, and feelings that arise around these needs,” instructs Dr. Bonnie.
And because couples who re-marry later in life are often comfortable being on their own and value their independence, Dr. Bonnie encourages couples to start out giving each other space even before the other person asks. “Women, encourage your husband to go on that hunting trip, to catch a ball game with the guys. And men, make sure your wives take a girls’ night on a regular basis, or have time to work on a hobby they enjoy.” These “mini brushes with death” are useful for both parties. They rejuvenate the person who’s taking the break, and they make the other partner appreciate them and look forward to the time when they’ll be together again instead of being frightened by the time apart.
Love at any age takes commitment and work; unique issues arise with remarriages later in life, but with the right skills and a little flexibility Dr. Bonnie says “ageless romances” can be quite successful!
– Jeanne Moreau
For more information on SmartHeart skills and the madonna mistress in marriage, check out her book, winner of NYTimes Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more magic in marriage.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
Dr. Bonnie is available for relationship therapy via phone. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
Are you or your partner ripe for burnout/affair?
Are you or your partner at risk for burnout which always leads to cheating?
Here are the warning signs:
- Do you have less or no empathy, only going through the motions (just checking off the list or the box)?
- Not in the moment?
- Never feel it’s good enough ?
- No time and you’ve stopped doing the things you love? You are into “supposed to’s” not want to’s?
- You do not think you should rest or chill lax (relax or chill) and never find the time for yourself?
- You don’t know the word NO or your partner does not take that seriously, cheerleading you into burnout “yes”!
- Do you disengage from socializing?
- Are you low energy?
- Wake up tired?
- Sleep less then the recommended 7 or 8 hrs?
- Eat junk or comfort food to gain energy and self medicate and to stress bust?
- Low sex drive?
- Joyless?
All her adultery patients suffer from this, a “biochemical craving for connection.” Burnout from high stress causing low energy, and sleep which should be first is last on the list of priorities. Lack of sleep causes cravings for carbs, sugar and comfort foods to overcompensate, but both are culprits for self-medicating adulterous behavior (poor impulsive choices, decisions, and judgement), lack of clarity in the brain.
For success and FIDELITY in a relationship sleep and healthy diet need to be as much a priority as daily affirmations and gratitude to your partner not criticism.
Monogamy is a conscious choice and when burnout takes over you are UNCONSCIOUS!
“No wonder cheating is so rampant because burnout is!!”, says Dr. Bonnie
Here is the prescription to cheat proof and burnout proof your relationship :
- Make time daily and weekly for things you love that bring you or your partner joy (no excuses)!
- Affirmations and gratitude daily before bed and awakening for what you do have and have accomplished
- Unplug, no excuses, hour a day and connect connect connect and socialize face to face eye to eye!!!
- Say no when you feel like saying yes
- Weekends are for chill laxing, not chores, if you can pay someone or ask for help from family, you need time for yourself to do nothing!, a guilt free weekend of leisure time. Many affairs, my patients tell me, are to “go on vacation”, leisure to get away from it all, stress, work, without the guilt.
Of course affairs give you more guilt !!
So makeup don’t break up with yourself or your partner.
For a consult to see if you’re ripe for an affair or relationship burnout, call Doctor Bonnie at 212-606-3787
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has over 30 years of experience as a counselor and therapist, and specializes in issues related to dating, marriage, divorce, and infidelity. She has authored books about relationships including Best Seller and Readers Choice Award winning book Make Up, Don’t Break Up; Financial Infidelity; Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery (Introducing her new theory and treatment of adultery as a disease) and Adultery: The Forgivable Sin.
