Why is Intimacy so hard to achieve for singles, separated or divorced people?
Why is Intimacy so hard to achieve for singles, separated or divorced people?
Here are 5 tips I recommend to individuals and couples for Staying in Love, Not Just Falling in love!:
- Make friends with your fears as finding Love is letting go of fear;
- Desensitize YOURSELF to rejection as men are more sensitive to rejection then women;
- Reach out to him if he retreats as disconnection is a man’s way of fear when he IS into you;
- He acts the opposite of how he really feels so YOU need to make the first move;
- Do not predict the outcome, just stay in the moment.
Use Dr. Bonnie’s tried and true Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue (she used these in her courtship) For an example, “We had such a great time last time. I just received two tickets to the Yankee game, wanna come?” DO NOT MENTION his ghosting you!!
These 5 things will help to ignite your romance and help you to stay in love! Practice! Practice!
From “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” Chapter 9, pg. 98!
Purchase Make Up Don’t Break Up by Bonnie Eaker-Weil, PhD from 
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is a renowned international relationship therapist and owner of a NYC private practice, with over 35 years of experience. She specializes in issues related to families, dating, marriage, and infidelity. She developed a theory for addiction called the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection. She is a five-time award winner as New York City’s Best Therapist. Dr. Bonnie is the author of 5 books including best seller and NY Times Readers’ Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.” Her book “Adultery: The Forgivable Sin” was turned into the Lifetime movie, “Silence of Adultery.”
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a 3 day series on The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show 5 times and received Best of Oprah in May 2013. She frequently appears on CNN, CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox News and Good Morning America. She has also been featured many times in USA Today, Men’s Health, The New York Times, and Cosmopolitan. Dr. Bonnie also teaches an Education 2 Go Course on “Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success.
Dr. Bonnie is also available for phone therapy. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
For Men: Warning: “Forgetting” Valentine’s Day No Such Thing
There is no such thing as “forgetting” Valentine’s Day. Forgetting this romantic holiday, that’s not a coincidence. It is rather a symptom of “getting back” at your partner or a fear of getting close. This ‘forgetting” appears mean-spirited, giving a clear message, and has such long-lasting consequences that can even lead to divorce and adultery down the road!! In fact, Ashley Madison, the cheating married website, reports that the day after Valentine’s Day is the biggest cheating day for disappointed women!
I say It does not have to be that way, “forgetting” Valentine’s Day is a grudge, a vengeful way of getting back at your partner for unresolved relationship debris.
Some excuses women should never accept are: it’s only a retail holiday, it’s too commercial, every day is Valentine’s Day, restaurants are crowded and too expensive, or florists rip you off. These excuses cause disappointing feelings and are real “romance wreckers.” They set the stage for distance, detachment, and possibly divorce.
I teach my patients Smart Heart skills, as emphasized in Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, to help identify a grudge and prevent a buildup of resentments. Learning how to “fight fair” can increase passion by clearing the air. These “skills” especially help men learn to communicate by appointment instead of walking out of the room during discussions. “Fair fighting” teaches empathy and affection and this increases passion when the offending partner has a time limit for fighting and has permission do so, in short intervals. Examples, performed by real, live couples, can be found in Make Up, Don’t Break Up’s accompanying video, “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples.” Men need many “time outs.” They are allergic to women’s emotionality. With “fair fighting,” men can air their resentments instead of storing them and the conflict works as an aphrodisiac for eventual passion. The power is in getting heard, not getting mad. Letting go of grudges is not about being right or fair, it’s about what works.
Learn more about grudges in Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples pages 308 & 309.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
Best-selling author of:
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker
Dr. Bonnie Encourages a Touchdown During the Superbowl
Dr. Bonnie encourages partners to touchdown during the Superbowl to increase intimacy, by making love during halftime.
About 53 million viewers, both men and women, tuned in two weeks ago for the football playoffs leaving everyone with concerns about calorie consumption, but Dr. Bonnie says, “Making love has no calories. In fact, being intimate during halftime will actually burn some.”
Dr. Bonnie encourages partners to touchdown during the football playoffs. A nice pillow fight and some tackling after the second quarter is high energy play and will bring endorphins to a full-time high. Adding in a 30 second kiss will also bring on a different rush from oxytocin, the cuddle hormone. If you can’t lick em join them. A savvy woman knows how much football means to her guy whether married or single.
Dr. Bonnie strongly suggests that being intimate during football halftime is a healthy way to connect with your sports lover. The Cleveland Clinic believes a healthy sexual relationship can positively affect all aspects of life. Many women and even men feel neglected when their partner is glued to the television and shows more devotion for Tom Brady ( than they do to them. However, Dr. Bonnie stresses, “Do not get mad when your partner is engrossed with the game. They will love and appreciate more by supporting their passion.” Here are some of her smart heart tips that will help get the pom-poms out for the first time in years this playoff season.
Be supportive and stay on the sidelines when the game is in motion. As her husband Jeff says, “A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and football.” Partners should try out some new recipes that will leave their lover’s mouth watering for more than just the seven-layer dip. Coming home with some hot chocolate, which contains PEA, is an upper and with some fluffy marshmallows they are great aphrodisiacs for touching down.
To really impress the partner, husband or boyfriend, do a little research. Start reading newspapers, Sports Illustrated, playoff feed on Twitter or even download the NFL ’12 app to learn more about stats, players and predictions for the next Vince Lombardi Trophy winner. Dr. Bonnie says, “Learning about the game will make him adore more than enough to remember this year’s Valentine’s day. It may even get a proposal, if it hasn’t already.” Sharing football without complaining, that’s a lifetime achievement award.
Dr. Bonnie cautions, football time is no time for talking, especially about serious subjects. Don’t discuss any heavy topics that might instigate an argument that would ruin any chance of a halftime show. Also, competing with the announcer is another football faux pas. Besides all the chanting and swearing, notice that men are usually pretty quiet when a big play is under review. Let there only be one announcer.
Everybody loves the commercials, even non sports fan, should take time to enjoy them together. Good commercials will stimulate good conversation, but leave them until after the game. Be surprised about what will come with some behavior modification. Practicing these running drills will ensure to make halftime, your time.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has over 30 years of experience as a counselor and therapist, and specializes in issues related to dating, marriage, divorce, and infidelity. She has authored books about relationships including Best Seller and Readers Choice Award winning book Make Up, Don’t Break Up; Financial Infidelity; Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery (Introducing her new theory and treatment of adultery as a disease) and Adultery: The Forgivable Sin
