For Men: Warning: “Forgetting” Valentine’s Day No Such Thing
There is no such thing as “forgetting” Valentine’s Day. Forgetting this romantic holiday, that’s not a coincidence. It is rather a symptom of “getting back” at your partner or a fear of getting close. This ‘forgetting” appears mean-spirited, giving a clear message, and has such long-lasting consequences that can even lead to divorce and adultery down the road!! In fact, Ashley Madison, the cheating married website, reports that the day after Valentine’s Day is the biggest cheating day for disappointed women!
I say It does not have to be that way, “forgetting” Valentine’s Day is a grudge, a vengeful way of getting back at your partner for unresolved relationship debris.
Some excuses women should never accept are: it’s only a retail holiday, it’s too commercial, every day is Valentine’s Day, restaurants are crowded and too expensive, or florists rip you off. These excuses cause disappointing feelings and are real “romance wreckers.” They set the stage for distance, detachment, and possibly divorce.
I teach my patients Smart Heart skills, as emphasized in Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, to help identify a grudge and prevent a buildup of resentments. Learning how to “fight fair” can increase passion by clearing the air. These “skills” especially help men learn to communicate by appointment instead of walking out of the room during discussions. “Fair fighting” teaches empathy and affection and this increases passion when the offending partner has a time limit for fighting and has permission do so, in short intervals. Examples, performed by real, live couples, can be found in Make Up, Don’t Break Up’s accompanying video, “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples.” Men need many “time outs.” They are allergic to women’s emotionality. With “fair fighting,” men can air their resentments instead of storing them and the conflict works as an aphrodisiac for eventual passion. The power is in getting heard, not getting mad. Letting go of grudges is not about being right or fair, it’s about what works.
Learn more about grudges in Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples pages 308 & 309.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
Best-selling author of:
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker
Aphrodisiacs for Every Day, not Just Valentine’s Day
Americans tend to have a fascination with the romance of Valentine’s Day, but there’s no reason that those thoughts and feelings can’t extend beyond the day of love. Instead of getting depressed once the romance and excitement of Valentine’s is over, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil advises couples use foolproof aphrodisiacs that will help bring back chemicals created when they first fell in love. CBS News reports on some common foods that have romantic properties (http://cbsloc.al/yQAuyv) which Dr. Bonnie suggests incorporating into a weekly or monthly routine:
• Dark Chocolate – Contains PEA which makes people feel in love and creates an endorphin high, plus it releases serotonin, which leads to a good mood.
• Pesto: Garlic, pine nuts and basil are symbols of love. Pine nuts help libido which help with sperm production -they are rich in zinc which is essential for male potency.
• Raspberries: sensual fruit that are rich in antioxidants and may increase stamina
• Honey lavender-vanilla cream: these aromas are powerful stimulants that may increase arousal – perfect with raspberries for an aphrodisiac aroma, making you feel more intimate with your partner.
• Champagne – the effervescence helps this form of alcohol travel through the blood stream more quickly. Plus, it makes couples feel more sizzle and spice, and also perfect to serve with raspberries.
Dr. Bonnie suggests couples use these tips all year round. She tells couples who have been together for a while to “make a decision to fall in love again” and including these foods in a repeatable ritual is a smart way to do that.
“These foods can help bring couples closer together, which will help them re-create the chemistry they had when they first got together.”
The power of touch is crucial to sustaining a healthy relationship and by making it part of a relationship ritual, couples can turn every day into Valentine’s Day.
For more info on smart heart skills, romance magic and preventing and treating and forgiving adultery, enroll in Dr. Bonnies online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Check out her book, winner of NYTimes Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more warning signs and solutions to reach magic in marriage.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
Dr. Bonnie is available for relationship therapy via phone. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
