While I always say that Adultery is the Forgivable Sin, some cheating circumstances are not easily forgiven. As I said in a recent USA Today article on the Shriver/Swarzenegger split, “That Schwarzenegger was able to keep the secret for ten years speaks to an emotional deficiency.”
This type of betrayal cannot be forgiven with a simple “I’m sorry.” The circumstances surrounding his cheating will affect his family for generations to come. The fact that his children are old enough to see the news, and read about the details of the affair will make it more difficult for them to heal. In fact these children will be forever scarred, and the legacy of adultery will affect generations to come. I always say that most marriages can be saved, if key issues like adultery are dealt with in a timely matter. In Swarzenegger’s case, trust has been violated by the fact that he waited over ten years to divulge the fact that he fathered a son by a family housekeeper. The timing of his confession to his wife and publicly is also suspect due to the fact that he waited until he was no longer in public office to tell the truth.
My book Adultery the Forgivable Sin outlines the characteristics of a person who cheats, and Arnold fits the bill. A cheater can be described as a thrill seeking person with a high stress and/or high profile career, who is seeking a biochemical craving for connection. Fidelity is a choice. When a person chooses to violate their promise of trust, there will be much work to do for the entire family to heal.
The wounds from this infidelity will run deep for years for all parties involved. To be betrayed in the family home is an unforgivable sin and a hostile act.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at www.DoctorBonnie.com.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at www.DoctorBonnie.com.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.
For interview contact Diane Dennis, Inspired Media Communication at 503-678-1356 or dianeden@centurytel.net
