Posted by on June 16, 2010 · Leave a Comment
New York currently has one of the lowest divorce rates in the country due to their divorce laws. Currently couples must work through their problems in which therapy is usually used to do so. To get a divorce, one party must allege cruel and/or inhuman treatment or adultery, or the couple must be legally separated for at least one year. On Tuesday the State Senate made a step toward adopting the No Fault Divorce, in which they will be the last state to do so. This in turn will cause a much higher divorce rate. “No fault will not help us, we need to take time to sort out our differences. We don’t want to have a divorce, we need to save a relationship and work through the problems. Couples need to make up and not break up” Says Dr. Bonnie Weil a NY therapist known as “The Adultery Buster and The #1 Love Expert in the World”.
Dr. Bonnie has written the best selling book Make Up Don’t Break Up which speaks on how to save your relationship and bring back the love using her Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue.
Posted by on May 19, 2010 · Leave a Comment
At Rutgers University, a professor has done a study behind adultery and how it links to Vasopressin. Helen Fisher, a research professor in the Department of Anthropology has studied adultery and infidelity for 35 years. She has found biological and psychological reasons as to why people have a propensity to cheat. Dr. Bonnie cures adultery in her patients and finds there are 3 major points when it comes to adultery/infidelity:
* Anyone that commits adultery has a high level of vasopressin which is the risk taking thrill seeking hormone found in men.
* Vasopressin is higher in people with OCD.
* When somebody has high vasopressin it makes them very anxious. High powered executives, politicians, celebrities and others with stressful jobs have high vasopressin.
Dr. Bonnie says “What calms the anxiety down is the stress busting self medicating high which is usually adultery. High profiled individuals/politicians live on the edge, when they live on the edge they get anxious and they need to calm down. Sex is the stress busting self medicating high.”
Posted by on May 4, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Shocking revelations about President Obama possibly have an affair on his wife Michelle 2 years ago are starting to unravel. Supposedly he was caught on surveillance camera as well as a limo drive who has admitted to the accusations. The affair seems to have occurred with 35 year old Vera Baker who worked on his campaign. Though these accusations may not be from the most reliable of sources, we have yet to speculate or comment on these accusations. Following history, presidents have a high tendency of adultery due to the Stress, Loss and Separation factor. It leads to the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection, more power= more risk. We have seen this with the infamous political figures such as John Edwards and Bill Clinton. Political profiles have a hard time staying out of the lime light and when adultery is mentioned the media seems to go hay wire. So we ask ourselves, could these accusations be true? He would not be the only president who may have been caught being unfaithful, it follows in the path of Bill Clinton, John F Kennedy, Franklin Roosevelt, Warren Harding, Dwight D. Eisenhower and Lyndon Baines Johnson. So we sit and wait to see if these accusations are surely true or not. Either way the leader of our country will continue his work through the scandal that may rock the white house once again!
Posted by on April 19, 2010 · Leave a Comment
News broke this week that Larry King will be getting his eighth divorce due to a supposed affair with his sister-in-law. Reports are also being made the King’s wife, Shawn Southwick, committed adultery as well. King is also reported to have given Southwick’s sister over $100K in gifts, including an expensive car. From ABC News:
“On Wednesday, King filed for divorce for the eighth time (he married wife Alene Akins twice), this time from Shawn Southwick, 50, with whom he has two children, Chance and Cannon King. Later the same day, Southwick also filed for divorce. Both spouses claimed irreconcilable differences.”
These accusations carry with them the baggage of previous failed relationships and an attitude that appears to treat relationships as impermanent; as well as a penchant for financial infidelity. While most of us will likely not be faced with such extravagant, extreme acts in our relationships, that doesn’t mean we can’t fall subject to these things – financial infidelity – on a smaller scale. In fact here’s how I describe financial infidelity in my book of the same name, when I see it in most of my clients (who aren’t throwing about $100K on their spouses siblings!).
It can be as simple and mundane as keeping $20 for yourself when you go to deposit a check or it can be as complicated and public as keeping a woman in every city – or even just one city! The basic idea underlying financial infidelity is that it’s something you’re trying to keep from your significant other. To some, a $20 withdrawal may not be a big deal but if that’s beyond what you’ve discussed in your personal relationship as being over the limit then it’s a form of financial infidelity.
We see the extreme behavior frequently from people in the public eye, but in my research I’ve found that anyone in facing stress, separation or loss is susceptible to this behavior and, let’s face it, nowadays who among us isn’t a little stressed. I call it the Biochemical Craving for Connection, and I treat it as an addiction. For instance, for any addict, the choice to self-medicate in any number of ways—with alchohol, medications, sex, or money—can begin with a desire to relieve stress or mute depression. The addiction then progresses to a preoccupation with where their next “fix” will come from, and often involves a strong desire to create rituals around obtaining the “high.” This preoccupation becomes a compulsion—to use drugs or alcohol, or to have sex, or to shop—followed by depression and despair as the effects wear off, leading to the start of the cycle all over again.
Fortunately, I believe any relationship can be saved and while it appears that Larry King and his wife have already drawn their lines in the sand, the same doesn’t have to happen if you’re experiencing similar circumstances. There are numerous techniques on how to deal with these situations, many of which can be found in my book Make Up Don’t Break Up. Communication with your partner is key in resolving these issues – and in preventing them from happening again!
Posted by on April 9, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Add to the list of recent exposed cheaters NFL star and Today show correspondent Tiki Barber. He joins the likes of Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John Edwards – and these are just the people who’ve been exposed recently. Every time we turn around it seems someone larger than life is being brought down by confessions or allegations of infidelity. Barber announced he’s leaving his wife of 11 years (who’s eight months pregnant with twins, I might add!) for his 23-year-old mistress, a former NBC intern. It seems like infidelity is spreading like an epidemic and I do believe infidelity and adultery can be treated like a disease, brought into the light, discussed and thereby hopefully rehabbing those who have faced it or succumbed to it. In fact, not long ago it was discovered that there’s a link between a specific gene and the way men bond to their partners, thereby making them less or more likely to be disposed to infidelity.
As I make clear in all my work, connecting infidelity to a gene, or labeling it as a disease does not give the perpetrator a free pass – it merely serves to help us better understand the cause and effect and to treat it effectively instead of continuing the trend of leaving devastated relationships in its wake. As we’ve seen, adultery is becoming an epidemic and is a disease similar to alcoholism – and it’s time to stop it. We need to stop glamorizing it, or – alternatively – bastardizing it, accept that it happens and move on. I believe that we CAN cure and forgive adultery (an idea I go into in-depth in my book by the same name.) Typically, those in the spotlight have high burn out rate and they’re looking to alleviate the pressure and stress, and nowadays with all of juggling so many things, it doesn’t take being a politician or an actor of a sports star to fall into the cycle of adultery. It feeds off what I call the biochemical craving for connection.
If you’re in the habit of not addressing your subconscious feelings, people often look instead for that next thrill-seeking high. The quest for this high becomes all-consuming even though to a rational mind the quest seems quite dangerous. Similar to alcoholics and other addicts, those who are dealing with the affair disease are frequently putting everything on the line for that next fix.
Of course there are other factors at work here – like if you grew up in a home where one of your parents was unfaithful, or if you move in circles where discreet infidelity is somewhat accepted. But some people must fight against infidelity like others fight against alcoholism or anger.
This doesn’t mean they get a free pass. The key is to acknowledge this about yourself and keep fighting AGAINST however you have to – through therapy, support groups or counseling.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is known as the “Adultery Buster” and the #1 Love Expert in the World. For further information on how to treat stress, loss and separation before it spirals into adultery, please visit www.doctorbonnie.com for contact info.
Posted by on April 2, 2010 · Leave a Comment
With his marriage to Sandra Bullock on the rocks and alleged mistresses (4 to date) coming out in every tabloid, Jesse James has decided to check himself into a rehab clinic. It is reported he has checked himself into the same clinic as Tiger Woods has. Jesse is hoping this will help repair the relations between him and Sandra Bullock. It is mentioned that Sandra does not handle humiliation very well and that this stint in rehab may not be enough to reconcile their relationship. Only time will tell what the legacy of them will be.
As I stated with Tiger Woods, “Jesse has a disease that can be treated, he has to work for it for the rest of his life if he wants to have a good career, happy and healthy family. This disease is treatable by balancing brain chemicals to relieve this stress that causes a Biochemical Craving for Connection.”
To learn more on the Bio Chemcial Craving for Connection, the Discovery Channel is airing a show April 4th titled “Unfaithful”. This documentary is starring Dr. Bonnie and 2 of her patients who have committed adultery. Learn how to prevent Cybersex and look for warning signs, Dr. Bonnie says “Just because your significant other is home with you, doesn’t mean they are being faithful.”
Shocking statistics show that 38% of people have engaged in explicit online sexual conversion and 50% have made contact via phone with someone they chatted with online. Also 70% of time online is spent in chat rooms or sending emails, a vast majority are romantic in nature. More statistics like these can be found in Make Up Don’t Break Up, 2nd edition (in stores now) (with accompanying DVD; How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples).
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is known as the “Adultery Buster” and the #1 Love Expert in the World. For further information on how to treat stress, loss and separation before it spirals into adultery, please visit www.doctorbonnie.com for contact info.
Posted by on April 2, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Children have emotional antennae, and they can sense pain and trouble before their parents. The way to help a child through a separation or troubled relations with their parents is thru my theory called “Family Play Therapy. Family Play Therapy is used to cushion the pain a child feels- you can read more about it in my book Adultery the Forgivable Sin.
Children are the symptom bearer of the family, and the child may act out and be very confused. For the case of Sandra Bullock and the 5 year old daughter of Jesse James, it is best if Sandra Bullock continues a close relationship with the child and communicate with Jesse over the child. It is also very hard for Sandra to throw the relationship away she has with the child. She helped fight very hard for her in the custody battle between Jesse James and the mother Janine Lindemulder in 2009.
Tiger Woods and Jesse James are just examples of this society. Sadly, Latest statistics show that 80% of marriages suffer through the ever-growing addiction… adultery. Adultery is caused by stress, loss and separation which leads to the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection. It is greater in risk taking and high profile individuals, as it is a “self medicating thrill seeking high”. Heavily tattooed, motorcycle shop owner- Jesse James filled his risk taking tendencies by indulging in sexual acts with a growing number of women.
When are we going to see this as a disease? It is an epidemic, it is curable. It needs to be seen as a chemical and emotional disease. It is caused by an emptiness that is passed down from generation to generation. We can treat this addiction by balancing the brain chemicals chemically and emotionally. People want to bask in those same hormones they had when they first met. You can bask in those same hormones… but do it with your own partner!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is known as the “Adultery Buster” and the #1 Love Expert in the World. She is the author of the Best Selling book Make Up Don’t Break Up (second edition due out March 2010 with accompanying DVD “Falling in Love and Staying in Love for Singles and Couples”) as well as Adultery the Forgivable Sin. Dr. Bonnie focuses on couples, singles and families (including children and her innovative theory- Family Play Therapy) – please visit www.doctorbonnie.com for contact info.
COMING UP: Discovery Health Channel “Unfaithful” featuring Dr. Bonnie and her patients on adultery/cybersex. 9pm EST, April 4th
Posted by on March 19, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Sandra Bullocks husband may have cheated on her. This infidelity supposedly happened while she was away filming her new movie “The Blind Side”. This could have been caused by separation, which leads to the bio chemical craving for connection. High profile actors/actresses have a higher instances of adultery due to the power/risk struggle, such as Tiger Woods. More power, the more risk a person will take. As we know, Bullocks husband-Jesse James– heavily tattooed is quite a risk taker, adultery may have been his outlet to fill the risk taking void. Sandra Bullock was at the pinnacle of her career. How ironic she said in her acceptance speech, that Jesse was the only one that ever watched her back, now he stabbed her in the back. She was so happy and this was the worse time, as it is undoing all the work she has done all these years in her career.
This situation is not the first, but appears to be a trend and Dr. Bonnie Weil has tips to avoid and break the cycle. Many Oscar winners have broken up after winning- due to loss and separation–
Sandra Bullock
Hillary Swank
Ben Affleck
Kate Winslow
Julia Roberts
Halle Berry
Here are the things to prevent cheating because of a biochemical craving
for connection:
1. Talk on the phone not text or email for a dopamine high
2. Give verbal aphrodisiacs
3. Go on location with your partner
4. Plan weekend rendezvous, like Fantasy Fridays!
In the book Make Up Don’t Break Up there is a chapter on Long Distance Relationships.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is known as the “Adultery Buster” and the #1 Love Expert in the World. She is the author of the Best Selling book Make Up Don’t Break Up (second edition due out March 2010 with accompanying DVD “Falling in Love and Staying in Love for Singles and Couples”) as well as Adultery the Forgivable Sin. Dr. Bonnie focuses on couples, singles and families (including children and her innovative theory- Family Play Therapy) For further information on Adultery/Addictions and how to how to cushion the pain a child feels – please visit www.doctorbonnie.com for contact info.
COMING UP: Discovery Health Channel “Unfaithful” featuring Dr. Bonnie and her patients on adultery/cybersex. 9pm EST, April 4th
Posted by on March 11, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Tip from my new edition of Make Up Don’t Break Up, Chapter 8. Click here to order your copy now!
Dancing with your Crucible
You cannot beat the odds by getting even but you can beat them by getting smart!
I really believe so many women are angry with men and seek vengeance- both private and public-is because men disconnect from us abruptly. In their defense, it is the only way they have ever known. Men don’t know how to do it any other way and we can teach them how to connect by offering a replacement of what they are taking away.
Posted by on February 24, 2010 · Leave a Comment
Children are intuitive. They are innocent and naïve in a certain way but they also haven’t yet developed the barriers and emotional walls we as adults put up to protect ourselves. They can often sense things are going badly within a family or with their parents before the rest of the world catches on or before anyone tells them anything, they have emotional antennae. Children may be small but they can feel pain just as much as their parents, in fact, they can feel pain even before their parents if they sense something is wrong. Such is the case, I suspect, with Tiger Woods’ kids. They are very young and therefore resilient and will hopefully be able to bounce back much quickly because of that, but they are by all means old enough to remember what’s been transpiring concerning their family and to carry that with them throughout the rest of their lives.
Dr. Thomas Fogarty said it best in my book- Adultery the Forgivable Sin “Adultery never happens to one person. It is a systemic event which, if unexamined, will continue to wreak havoc on later generations. If it is a sin, that is why it is sinful.” Adultery is an emotional emptiness passed down from generation to generation via what I call the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection which typically transpires from a combination of stress, separation and loss. It can effect children of all ages, including even the unborn.
To help children thru the perils of adultery, I developed an innovative theory, specifically for children that can be used starting at age two. It is called Family Play Therapy and can be done at home. This therapy is used to cushion the pain a child feels ~ you can read more about it in my book Adultery the Forgivable Sin, and find additional resources for coping with adultery on my website, doctorbonnie.com. If we start looking at adultery as a forgivable sin, then we can manage the hurt and pain that will otherwise be passed down to the next generation.
We often hear that people are “staying together for the kids,” but that is rarely the true, underlying reason. People stay with the cheating spouse/partner because deep down they want to make it work and they believe they CAN get to the bottom of the situation, and work through it. These are valuable sentiments to acknowledge and important in beginning to re-build the relationship, if that’s what the couple chooses to do.
The affair usually comes as a wake-up call to both parties involved. It’s a (rather obvious!) sign that they’re struggling with something else, whether it be a fear of loss – as sees to be the situation in the case of the Edwards’ – dealing with stress – also a possible factor – or even a means of revenge for something else going on in the relationship. Whatever the reason, it’s an obvious turning point and one that can be negotiated around when the couple is willing to get to the bottom of their emotions.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is known as the “Adultery Buster” and the #1 Love Expert in the World. She is the author of the Best Selling book Make Up Don’t Break Up (second edition due out March 2010 with accompanying DVD “Falling in Love and Staying in Love for Singles and Couples” ) as well as Adultery the Forgivable Sin. For further information on how to treat stress, loss and separation before it spirals into adultery, or more information on her books – please visit www.doctorbonnie.com for contact info.