Dr. Bonnie: The Highest Cheating Day for Women
Men Beware, Reports Dr. Bonnie: The Highest Cheating Day for Women, Reported by Ashley Madison Is February 15th, the Day After a Disappointing Valentine’s Day
Dr. Bonnie warns men that Ashley Madison’s, a married cheating website, statistics report that women’s highest enrollment to commit adultery is on February 15. This is due to being letdown by their husbands on Valentine’s Day with little romance magic.
Men should beware of the day after Valentine’s Day says relationship and adultery expert, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. Ashley Madison, a website designed for “discreet encounters” reports that February 15th sees the highest rate of enrollment for women. It’s the day after what’s often a disappointing Valentine’s Day. When their husbands let them down with little or no romance magic on what should be the most romantic day of the year, women turn elsewhere.
Dr. Bonnie cautions and advises men to remember and honor their wives on February 14th. Men need to be careful not to take their wives for granted, and make sure to show appreciation for them and what they do every day. Research from Dr. Bonnie’s, “Financial Infidelity” states that on average, women work an extra 36 hours a week beyond their career. Most women in Dr. Bonnie’s practice complain of being ignored by their husbands or not listened to. They are not being treated in a special way even on Valentine’s Day.
The Ashley Madison website brags of a population of nearly 40 million profiles of those seeking out extramarital affairs and their data shows that holidays like Valentine’s Day, when not celebrated, influence women to seek out adultery to combat feelings of emptiness. A woman may “act out” with cheating to boost her feelings after being unappreciated. She will over-correct with an affair the day after Valentine’s Day, so she can feel heard, and be “romanced.”
Dr. Bonnie adds that there is a domino effect for the children if their mother is forgotten on this holiday. The children could also take her for granted, disrespect her, or do that same behavior to their future partner when they marry. She advises that men invite children to partake in choosing Valentine’s Day gifts for their mother. This way they feel included in an activity that values their mother. This will be conveyed to her and make her feel loved on Valentine’s Day and beyond. This sentiment is priceless. Dr. Bonnie’s theory, the Biochemical Craving for Connection is paramount in understanding how to prevent adultery and is demonstrated in “Unfaithful“, an Oprah and Discovery Health documentary. As are her books, “Adultery: the Forgivable Sin” and “Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?”
Men should be careful to avoid the following behaviors or they may find their wives logging into Ashley Madison on February 15th. These are the warning signs: forgetting Valentine’s Day, no card, no present, no flowers, no chocolate, no restaurant reservation, no acknowledgment from children, no romance, no appreciation, no intimacy, or no acknowledgment of caretaking or “little” or special things she does. Don’t devalue her or make your wife feel unimportant.
Dr. Bonnie says that all of this can be reversed and you can prevent straying by putting your partner in the front of your mind. Use the SmartHeart skills, as outlined in her book, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” and accompanying video “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples” that she advises to patients on Valentine’s Day and every day.
She recommends some simple steps like:
- A 30-second kiss that raises your “cuddle hormone,” oxytocin, (demonstrated in video). This bonds the partner and promotes feelings of safety and desire.
- A 20-second hug releases dopamine, the “feel-good” hormone, that makes you feel happy and alive.
- Think of your wife three times a day–positive thoughts at work. Statistics show that those who do this daily have less of a chance of divorce.
- Take influence from your wife. Men who do this have happier marriages.
- Take her out once a week–not just on Valentine’s Day.
To prevent adultery, fall back in love with your partner, and stay in love, do daily mini connections. Kiss goodbye in the morning and hello when you come home, snuggle before going to sleep and before getting out of bed in the morning (even if you go to bed or get up at different times), try to go to sleep at the same time, eat at the same time at least three times a week and on the weekends, go out once a week away from discussions of children, work, and problems. Make sure to talk to your partner for ten minutes a day–scheduling or carpooling does not count. No texting or calling your partner to discuss your day, you have to take the time to speak face to face. Hold hands when walking or when watching movies. Look into each other’s eye for 30 seconds daily. Say “I love you” often and with meaning and compliment each other daily. Again, face to face! These are verbal aphrodisiacs. Recreate the romance magic in your marriage. It will not come “naturally” after the first 18 months and the honeymoon stage are over. It needs to be recreated daily. These simple SmartHeart skills and dialogue will ensure Valentine’s Day every day.
For more info on smart heart skills, romance magic and preventing and treating and forgiving adultery, enroll in Dr. Bonnies online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Check out her book, winner of NYTimes Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more warning signs and solutions to reach magic in marriage.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN.
Dr. Bonnie is available for relationship therapy via phone. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
When cheating happens in a relationship
In a recent interview with David Letterman, Jay Z opened up cheating on his wife Beyoncé and showed remorse. When cheating happens in a relationship, I tell my patients showing remorse, stopping the affair and getting help, so it does not reoccur is essential to making up, not breaking up and staying together after adultery.
Often the relationship gets better as it did with my parents after an affair since it can be a catalyst to work through the real issues finally that were disguised before. An affair makes the couple take seriously the real issues camouflaged by the affair.
It’s necessary to learn the best way to confess an affair and how to confront an affair if you want to save the relationship.
Most relationships can be saved even after an affair, as long as you know tips like this These tips are taken from my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – How to confess an affair – Chapter 9 and for the deceived how to confront AND GET ANSWERS !!!)
The things I recommend not to do are: Do not ask are you having an affair, no open-ended questions if you want the truth!!!, Don’t beat around the bush, and don’t threaten if you want the truth. If you confess – timing is everything, but not if your partner is heavily stressed that day!!
When you answer these questions, remember sometimes honesty can be cruelty, so no gruesome details, so your partner does not leave, due to words he/she will never forget.
For more tips check out my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – Turned into a movie Unfaithful: Discovery Health that goes over my new groundbreaking theory for the cure and treatment of adultery.
If your relationship is at risk because of an affair, I am here to help you. Your relationship can be saved despite an affair. I have a 98% success rate with my patients staying together after the betrayal of an affair. You can reach me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
The best-selling author of:
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Should The Betrayed Ever Meet The Lover?
This is the final post of the three-part series. Often the betrayer feels sorry for or does not want to hurt the paramour or lover and cannot end the affair! Then the betrayed must step in, however, there are strict guidelines for when and how to confront the lover and when contradicted!
While this may sound like the plot of a Grade B psychological thriller, I believe it is sometimes helpful for the Betrayed to meet the lover, even if only over the telephone. Unhealthy obsession is the usual reason I recommend a controlled confrontation in a neutral area between Betrayed and lover. If the betrayed spouse is so obsessed with thoughts and questions about the lover that he/she cannot move past it into forgiveness, reconciliation, acceptance of responsibility or even grieving for the damaged marriage, the process is stagnant and progress becomes impossible.
Remember, your spouse’s lover is probably not as gorgeous, brilliant, virile, or irresistible as you imagine. In fact, chances are good that the lover is a lot like you, your spouse’s true image, his or her opposite. After all, you have the characteristics that caused your spouse to see you as having the missing parts that made him/her a whole person. Despite the fact that he or she has cheated, in almost all cases, you are your spouse’s true love.
Every suggestion, exercise, and contract in Can We Cure and Forgive
Adultery, Understanding Our Biochemical Craving For Connection is presented with the objective of helping you and your spouse to rekindle that love and keep it glowing in your hearts forever. Meanwhile, however, you must resolve any questions or obsession you have with your spouse’s lover before you can move forward.
Confronting the lover is necessary if your partner wants to stop cheating, has the motivation but can’t take the action. When I treat couples I also see whether the betrayed’s subliminal message is it’s OK just don’t leave me! I teach boundaries, and guidelines to the couple to use adultery to identify what’s really wrong and fix it (getting rid of the smoke screen of adultery.)
I am here to support you with any questions you may have from how to make up to how to deal with an affair. Please do not hesitate to call me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
The best-selling author of:
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – Turned into a movie Unfaithful: Discovery Health
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker
How To End An Affair
The affair must stop for change to occur, however, ending an affair is easier said than done. This is the 2nd of a three-part series.
If you didn’t end your affair before you confessed it, you must do so immediately. You cannot begin to restore trust with your mate until he/she is certain that you are having no contact with your former lover (which we’ll discuss more later in this chapter). Giving up the affair may be harder than you expect, and will probably cause you to feel very sad. You must allow yourself to grieve—and your spouse must accept this process, too—before you can move on to a “new” relationship with your mate. You will simultaneously be grieving your damaged relationship with your spouse—an emotion the two of you can share—and looking at the early stress, loss, and separation (refer to Chapter 2 if you need to re-examine causes of early loss) that made it difficult for you to form a lasting, healthy relationship.
All of the psychological work I am recommending in this chapter that you undertake presupposes that you and your spouse are also attending to the biochemical and sugar imbalances—including any addictions to alcohol or drugs—that contributed to the relationship problems and resulting adultery.
Balancing your biochemistry and soothing your psyche must go hand-in-hand if either is to succeed for the long term. This is true for both members of a couple. As we’ve seen, both members of troubled couples often have sugar or biochemical imbalances, or chemical dependencies that contribute to the downward spiral their marriage takes once the “honeymoan” is over.
Most marriages can be saved even with adultery if an affair is stopped and many couples finally work out their underlying h issues then and reach real intimacy with adultery as it’s catalyst. I offer a groundbreaking theory, treatment, and protocol to my clients which has yielded a 98% success rate when followed.
Next week I end this series with “Should the betrayed ever meet the lover?”
I am here to support you with any questions you may have from how to make up to how to deal with an affair. Please do not hesitate to call me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
The best-selling author of:
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples