How to feel the LOVE and SHINE the light This Thanksgiving
As we near thanksgiving I ask patients and people who follow me to take a moment and reflect and give thanks of what you are thankful for and appreciate and grateful for this past year.
Thanksgiving is a good time to take stock of who you can forgive and who can forgive you!
It is the most traveled holiday meaning families are together which can be a blessing but also bring anxiety and old memories and even triggers and reactivity. It does not need to be that way.
Some helpful tips that I also have used myself with my own family as well as with patients!!
1. Keep it light (my dad’s advice) at thanksgiving gatherings and dinner
2. Stay clear of hot button topics like money and politics
3. Be sensitive to jokes or sarcasm so as not to insult or bully
4. Use activities as watching football, a movie, a game to dilute competition and minimize power struggles.
5. Bringing a guest or guests can negate or dilute possible family drama or chaos, as most families are on best behaviors when guests are present!!
6. Lower your expectations of your family. Remember it’s not where you come from, it’s how you finish! Look for positives and gratitude not what drives you crazy about going back home, “let the sunshine in.”
Making getting together with family a pleasure not a chore , even if you think your family is dysfunctional!! That’s what makes it interesting.
Home for the holiday relationship tips
Home for the holidays! It’s the most wonderful time of the year when so many of us are home for holidays and want to share some quick relationship tips to make this a fun and romantic holiday.
From my book – Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Tip #1 – Revitalize Fun
- Go ice skating/ roller skating together
- Take dance lesson or attend a mambo class together
- Dine out or have dinner at home by the fire
- Go out to a concert and make sure to hold hands
- Dunk strawberries in chocolate fondue
Tip #2 – Taking a relationships temperature
- To take the relationships temperature during the holiday season, ask your partner if he or she loves the way they want to be loved.
Ask yourself, if you are loving your partner the way he or she wants to be loved.
Are you using coaching as a gift to help you shift gears and reach the next stage of love?
Are you acknowledging your partner every day?
Are you spending enough time together? Time means quiet, sitting and not talking but picking out things you both enjoy or want to learn and do together.
Are you helping each other to reconnect?
Are you disconnecting in the morning and lovingly reconnecting a night?
Are you sharing meals together?
Are you going to bed at the same time at night?
* You should be allowing at least 10 minutes a day in terms of communicating.
From my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – How we get to forgiveness
Tip #3 – Store up surprises
- Keep your list secret
- Tuck some home-baked cookies into his briefcase
- Take your partner on a date at the spur of the moment
- Don’t criticize the choice that your partner makes
- Don’t say I don’t need that
Tip #4 – Restore sizzle
- Take a bubble bath by candlelight
- Dress up in costumes
- Kiss in the back seat of your car
- Go to a motel room for the evening
Tip #5 – Schedule fireside chats
- Make an appointment for the chat
- Cradle each and other and talk about what you love about each other. Talk about any problems or fears that you may have too. I suggest couples do this one exercise daily, weekly, and monthly.
It’s perfect for forgiveness during the holidays.
Remember forgiveness is a gift to give yourself that is wonderful. So schedule a fireside chat with your partner during this holiday.
Bonus Tip:
#6 – New Year relationship maintenance warranty
- Loving each other doesn’t mean saying whatever you want without considering the other person’s feeling.
- Practice thinking about your words before you say them and cushion them.
- Honesty can be cruelty.
Wishing you a Merry Christmas 
and Happy New Year!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D
Love and Relationship Expert