Ageless Romance: More Retirees are Finding or Keeping Love Alive says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

Ageless Romance: More Retirees are Finding or Keeping Love Alive

Thanks to longer life expectancy, and a wider social network, more senior citizens are finding love later in life. According to the AARP, more people in their 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s are getting re-married after death or divorce later in life.

Sex and relationship therapist, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, has suggestions for couples wanting to keep romance alive later in life.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu

As people live longer, divorce becomes more common, and social networks expand, more and more people are re-marrying later in life. A study from the University of Missouri shows about 500,000 Americans age 65 and older remarry each year), and New York Magazine reports that sex and love is alive and well in retirement communities.

Relationship therapist Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says that there are specific tips retirees should follow to keep the romance alive in their relationship, as well as advice that is fitting for a healthy relationship no matter what age!

Whether on a first marriage, or a remarriage, Dr. Bonnie points out that “as people get older, and they often become more stubborn and have less patience, they are less apt to want to work on a relationship.” This can present challenges to marriages that occur later in life. To this end, Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue to help couples stay happy and healthy in their golden years. “These skills are good for any relationship, but especially important when a couple is perhaps a bit set in their ways!”

“Love is a friendship set to music.”
– Joseph Campbell

Dr. Bonnie’s Smart Heart Skills provide a place where each person can express any frustrations or concerns in a constructive manner. She suggests couples check in with each other on any issues they face once a week for ten minutes or so. “Share any needs about connection, disconnection, and feelings that arise around these needs,” instructs Dr. Bonnie.

And because couples who re-marry later in life are often comfortable being on their own and value their independence, Dr. Bonnie encourages couples to start out giving each other space even before the other person asks. “Women, encourage your husband to go on that hunting trip, to catch a ball game with the guys. And men, make sure your wives take a girls’ night on a regular basis, or have time to work on a hobby they enjoy.” These “mini brushes with death” are useful for both parties. They rejuvenate the person who’s taking the break, and they make the other partner appreciate them and look forward to the time when they’ll be together again instead of being frightened by the time apart.

Love at any age takes commitment and work; unique issues arise with remarriages later in life, but with the right skills and a little flexibility Dr. Bonnie says “ageless romances” can be quite successful!

“Age does not protect you from love but love to some extent love protects you from age.”
– Jeanne Moreau

For more information on SmartHeart skills and the madonna mistress in marriage, check out her book, winner of NYTimes Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more magic in marriage.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Dr. Bonnie is available for relationship therapy via phone. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.

Smart Heart Tip

Smart heart tip and a marital secret from Dr Bonnie: How to keep you and your spouse happy? Everyday treat your spouse like you would a guest in your home. Be patient, hospitable, and appreciative; no short fuses, temper, or tone at any time !!

Home for the holiday relationship tips

Home for the holidays! It’s the most wonderful time of the year when so many of us are home for holidays and want to share some quick relationship tips to make this a fun and romantic holiday.

From my book – Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples

Tip #1 – Revitalize Fun

  • Go ice skating/ roller skating together
  • Take dance lesson or attend a mambo class together
  • Dine out or have dinner at home by the fire
  • Go out to a concert and make sure to hold hands
  • Dunk strawberries in chocolate fondue

Tip #2 – Taking a relationships temperature

  • To take the relationships temperature during the holiday season, ask your partner if he or she loves the way they want to be loved.

Ask yourself, if you are loving your partner the way he or she wants to be loved.

Are you using coaching as a gift to help you shift gears and reach the next stage of love?

Are you acknowledging your partner every day?

Are you spending enough time together? Time means quiet, sitting and not talking but picking out things you both enjoy or want to learn and do together.

Are you helping each other to reconnect?

Are you disconnecting in the morning and lovingly reconnecting a night?

Are you sharing meals together?

Are you going to bed at the same time at night?

* You should be allowing at least 10 minutes a day in terms of communicating.

 

From my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin  – How we get to forgiveness

Tip #3 – Store up surprises

  • Keep your list secret
  • Tuck some home-baked cookies into his briefcase
  • Take your partner on a date at the spur of the moment
  • Don’t criticize the choice that your partner makes
  • Don’t say I don’t need that

Tip #4 – Restore sizzle 

  • Take a bubble bath by candlelight
  • Dress up in costumes
  • Kiss in the back seat of your car
  • Go to a motel room for the evening

Tip #5 – Schedule fireside chats 

  • Make an appointment for the chat
  • Cradle each and other and talk about what you love about each other. Talk about any problems or fears that you may have too. I suggest couples do this one exercise daily, weekly, and monthly.

It’s perfect for forgiveness during the holidays.

Remember forgiveness is a gift to give yourself that is wonderful. So schedule a fireside chat with your partner during this holiday.

Bonus Tip:

#6 – New Year relationship maintenance warranty

  • Loving each other doesn’t mean saying whatever you want without considering the other person’s feeling.
  • Practice thinking about your words before you say them and cushion them.
  • Honesty can be cruelty.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D
Love and Relationship Expert