Don’t worry about gift-giving season because you don’t know what you are going to get from your man–tell him! Women need to acknowledge that men cannot read their minds, and that the adage “if he really loved me, he’d know what I wanted without being told,” is not true. My husband, Jeff, tells me that men are more focused on practical useful things. They’re not always thinking of surprise and romance so they need a little help.

To do this, I suggest women go window shopping with their partners and point out things that they like. They could even pick out the gift together. It won’t be a surprise but you also won’t be disappointed or surprised by something you didn’t want! Another option for women who may still want to maintain a bit of mystery: Go shopping and point out a few things they like. Then they can let their partner have the final say and surprise them with a gift under the tree.

This sort of help could even be good for a relationship – men who take cues from their wives when it comes to gifts have happier marriages. On the other hand, when one person assumes the other knows what they want, or thinks they should be able to figure it out, it’s easy to cause fights and create romance wreckers this season.
Even if you get something that wouldn’t have been your first pick, you shouldn’t be critical. Men are afraid of gift-giving rejection, and they may subsequently “forget” important holidays like Christmas, Chanukah, Valentine’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries and other dates because they are fearful that their gift will be rejected. This comes from childhood wounds sustained when trying to please females in their lives like mothers and teachers. Instead of rejection, stay positive. Instead of saying nothing if you like a gift, or explaining why you don’t like it, build up positive reinforcement around the gift. If the gift doesn’t fit right or doesn’t look good, go back together to pick something out so it doesn’t seem like rejection.

In my practice, I see men dealing with infidelity who say that it is easier to get their mistresses presents than it is to get gifts for their wives because they believe their mistresses won’t insult or criticize it. Instead of falling into this trap, you can help your men get it right this holiday, so they can have an affair with you!

See more from me on love, relationships, and adultery in my books: Make Up Don’t Break Up and Adultery the Forgivable Sin.