BE SMART HEART SAVY: Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself!
Be prepared for the question you ask. Do not ask the question if you do not want to hear the answer.
Dr Bonnie ‘s wisdom:
- Grudges have a purpose —albeit a dysfunctional one!
- Grudges exist to protect us from hurt again. It does just the opposite.
- It does not allow you to get close enough to the person who hurt you to help them empathize, have awareness, to change or to create movement to change the dysfunctional dynamic.
- Grudges paralyze us, keep us frozen, so we don’t “feel” and keep us STUCK in the past and in our present relationship and future ones are surely compromised!
- “Act as If” helps to “thaw” our hurt feelings, to create movement, then the “good feelings” will follow and flow .
- Agree to not let negative feelings pile up, use Smartheart dialogue so you avoid saying yes when you mean NO. Learn that “peace at any price” got you here — to grudges — and gives us WAR (grudges) as does your DELAYED REACTION .
- VISUALIZE before you say yes what you are getting into — so you stop and think maybe I should say no, minimizes a delayed reaction or “peace at any price” and gives you a CHOICE!
SMARTHEART SAVY DIALOGUE:
“I need to know you feel remorse so we can work through this. I want to give you a chance to express everything you feel guilty about, so we can BOTH work on getting over it and I can stop being so angry”.
From “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” Chapter 22
Purchase Make Up Don’t Break Up by Bonnie Eaker-Weil, PhD from
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is a renowned international relationship therapist and owner of a NYC private practice, with over 35 years of experience. She specializes in issues related to families, dating, marriage, and infidelity. She developed a theory for addiction called the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection. She is a five-time award winner as New York City’s Best Therapist. Dr. Bonnie is the author of 5 books including best seller and NY Times Readers’ Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.” Her book “Adultery: The Forgivable Sin” was turned into the Lifetime movie, “Silence of Adultery.”
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a 3 day series on The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show 5 times and received Best of Oprah in May 2013. She frequently appears on CNN, CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox News and Good Morning America. She has also been featured many times in USA Today, Men’s Health, The New York Times, and Cosmopolitan. Dr. Bonnie also teaches an Education 2 Go Course on “Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success.
Dr. Bonnie is also available for phone therapy. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
