This is the biggest questions I am asked by the couples I work with who stay together and are a part of my 98% success rate. To help them decide, I give them a quiz to see if they will put the effort in, not only to save but stay in the relationship or marriage.
Yes, it does take effort, less effort than starting all over with a new person, however, because getting rid of a person does not get rid of a problem and second marriages are higher in adultery and divorce than first marriages.
Why?
Because your unresolved family and generational issues will follow you in any relationship. So make an effort to work it out with the person you chose who IS supposed to give you the most trouble in order to figure out your childhood wounds.
With a learned way to dialogue and connect, which I teach my patients, you can finish your childhood that way, because it is supposed to be with the person you love the most. The reason I made the video “How to fall in love and stay in love” and wrote Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples to go along with it is to teach both singles and couples how to use humor and how to “fight” properly because “polite” marriages are much higher in divorce and adultery.
Here are the 24 questions I use and want you to ask yourself before deciding to leave your relationship or marriage!
Questions to Ask Yourself When Deciding Whether or Not to Stay
- Did you not marry for love?
- Are you running away from emptiness?
- Are you avoiding intimacy now that you are in the rebuilding phase? (After the affair is uncovered and stopped the real intimacy-avoiders have to look themselves in the face. That is when panic sets in.)
- Are you a grudge-holder like other members in your family?
- Do you have a hard time with bitterness? Do you not handle forgiveness well?
Click the button below to download the full list of questions.
I am here to support you with any questions you may have on how to make up, not break up. Please do not hesitate to call me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist
Best-selling author of:
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker
