Adultery is a family affair
Especially around the holidays
Every day a new perpetrator, whether its an entertainment bosses, actors, reporter, politicians, you name it. Just turn on the news or read the paper and you find another person with power abusing that power.
We may look at Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Bill O’Riley, Mark Halpern, Al Franken to name of few of those implicated and think I am not on their level it can’t happen to me. But think again, adultery is a common issue, hence the reason for the high divorce rate in our society today.
Now that the holiday season is here, beware of office parties, most affairs start at holiday parties, and I want to give you some tips to hold the line and ward off temptations.
I use a holistic approach to prevent this during holidays when people binge on sugar, which acts as an aphrodisiac! Because blood sugar fluctuations occur from stress even more during the holidays it causes people to act out; sugar also breeds addiction.
As I wrote in my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin previous post from 2016.
Because Over 90% of men and women fantasize about a coworker and attending the holiday party becomes a catalyst for extramarital affairs. If you are lonely and attracted to someone in the office, tell your partner that you need more personal attention and that you are starting to develop feelings for a coworker because you miss spending time with them.
It is not an easy task to steer clear of these parties without looking suspicious, so I’ve put together “Do’s and Don’ts” on how to get through the seasonal parties without ruining your marriage. These steps are guaranteed ways to hold the line amid temptation at office parties.
DO Bring your partner! Especially if you find someone in the office attractive, bring your partner to the party. Having that mutual support nearby will assist you with fighting those wandering thoughts and urges. If your partner cannot attend, it is important that you talk about your plans especially around the coworker that you find attractive. Discuss what you will do as a couple or speak about family traditions in order to jog your memory of how significant your marriage is to you throughout the event.
DO Go early to the party – Leave early – Go home alone. If your partner cannot attend the party, this simple mantra will ensure an easy escape from temptation. Typically these parties include alcohol and its effects lower inhibitions which can lead to disastrous decision making. Be sure to arrive early and leave earlier as most parties tend to become uproarious as the day rolls into night once the libations are dispersed. Staying 20 – 30 minutes to show your support for the company’s party is enough time to mingle with coworkers. Most importantly, no matter if the accountant’s car will not start or the IT guy just cannot seem to find his keys, go home alone!
DO Think of your partner three times a day in a positive light during the work hours. Picture the coworker you fantasize ten pounds heavier and ten years older.
DON’T Drink. The mistletoe, alcohol, and romance of the season appears to give consent to lose control at office parties and can result in igniting illicit passion. It may not be the “cool thing to do” but it can certainly save you from a world of problems. Enjoy seasonal drinks like eggnog and virgin cocktails. Non-alcoholic beer is also an option, it is socially acceptable, tastes better than ever before and most locations even offer a variety to choose from.
DON’T Dance the Lambada. Avoid dancing too closely with coworkers and keep appropriate space in general while socializing. Do not forget that this is an office party and those human resources rules still apply. A sexual harassment claim filed against you is not how you will want to ring in the New Year at the office.
DON’T Flirt. Flirting during the holiday season can lead to other activities rather quickly – especially under the influence of alcohol. Remain professional, avoid racy jokes, watch your body language and definitely do not meet ANYONE under the mistletoe.
Adultery is a family affair as it affects generations to come, let’s change our children’s legacy by treating and curing this.
We want to help you prevent cheating in your relationship this holiday season, get our FREE online resource!
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D
Love and Relationship Expert
Cheating Alert – Higher during the holidays
Since 1990 there has been a 40% increase in adultery with women, and they are, of course, not only catching but surpassing men. I feel it’s time that men step up to the plate with women’s help to ease our burdens. CNN published an article earlier this month, on October 5th written by Kim Brooks from The Cut. She wrote about “The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands.” In the article, Ms. Brooks talked about men stepping up to the plate and how women are cheating because it’s exhausting for them to keep explaining how exhausted they are and how much help they need from their husbands. They are therefore using cheating as the answer to this superwoman role that they have, and that is never-ending. These women feel that their husbands “know, ” but they don’t know the women in their lives need support, attention, and to be cared for.
Here is my response to that article:
I agree with the Ms. Brooks, it’s time that men step up to the plate, and it’s time that we educate and teach them rather than rationalizing that it’s OK for women to cheat. Truth be told, women have been talking to men for years and men sometimes don’t listen, they shut down, and move very slowly. The only way a lot of men move is when the women revolt and they have a strike. Having an affair is like having a strike. And I believe that the affair is a dysfunctional attempt to stabilize the marriage, but many women feel it stabilizes the marriage or relationship and causes equilibrium for them. It’s not an escape hatch or the way to leave. It’s the way to stay by having romance, stimulation, diversion, and fun outside the marriage or relationship.
They see their husbands as a package deal with the kids with all the responsibilities, bills, and problems and they are compartmentalizing with an affair. This is why I advocate for Fantasy Fridays, an example outlined in my book Make Up, Don’t Break Up, showing couples taking turns surprising their mate with a fantasy date and having an affair with your partner.
I believe the affair is a shake up and wake up, to wake up the system and help the woman to have an emotional connection, and I believe that this doesn’t solve the problem because it’s a dysfunctional attempt to stabilize the marriage. Because women are suffocated, overwhelmed, and resentful having to be a superwoman, they want more help from the men. And not getting help becomes a romance wrecker for women.
Some women have said that foreplay is when the man does the diapers or does the laundry.
So many feel that women have lost their moral compass, with society reeking of easy and secretive access to the various social platforms available and the symptoms of depersonalization, lack of empathy, and love they may cause.
Exhausted, alienated, alone, over responsible women are turning to quick fixes and thrill-seeking highs to self-medicate. They’re looking for pleasure and power. They’re tired of being invisible and having to deal with the labor both at home and at work. These women are looking for romance and because the affair is not associated with chores, responsibilities, and fatigue, the women are the priority. The caretaking can become suffocating them, causing resentment and ultimately wrecking the romance in her marriage. The division of labor is harder on women, and they too are looking for better sex.
Because they’ve been talking the relationship to death and still not being heard. The way that they’re getting heard is by shaking up and waking up the system with an affair. Which is ultimately their way of getting heard, by getting back at their husbands, and trying to get the romance back on track. However, they’re too angry with their husbands to have the romance with him. Because most men move slowly, much slower than women, they usually don’t notice or take action until the woman is revolting by cheating to get the attention they’re looking for in hopes of changing the behavior in their husbands.
The increased epidemic of women cheating speaks to my theory of the biochemical craving for connection that I discussed in these videos – Bio Chemical Craving for Connection This is when a woman or man has stress, loss, and separation, and then they turn to a quick fix or self-medicating high. There’s more about this on the documentary Unfaithful, and I even have a cheat sheet that I would like both women and men to look at.
Men have to be very, very careful that their wife is not cheating since it’s up 40% since 1990. Use this cheat sheet to see if your man or your woman is cheating.If you are a woman that is tempted or “thinking about cheating” because you can no longer hold the line. This cheat sheet can help to get you on the right path. Take a look at the things about your relationship that is making you unhappy, because in most cases there is still time to change the dynamic of your relationship.
An affair is a quick fix, but why not fix the exhaustion. Why can’t a team still work together and still be erotic? We tend to think either or, but it doesn’t have to be that way, and you don’t have to just be parent-oriented. You can be a parent, and you can be a wife, you can do both. So many couples are so busy being good parents that they don’t make romance a priority. They think that they can’t, but they can really can do both. They then make the frequent mistake of forgetting about the romance.
In my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin, that was also made into a movie, you can read more about cheating and find the cheat sheet for women on page 99. The cheat sheet for men can be found in my book Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery. I also developed a theory to create dialogue appropriate for children when an affair, separation, or divorce happens.
If women continue to cheat at this high level, we need people to look at the legacy that’s being handed down to the next generation. What about the kids? What’s the impact on the kids and what is their legacy for generations to come, because adultery affects not just the here and now. Therefore it’s a selfish act that perpetuates the symptom.
I highly emphasize, that now is the time that men to step up to the plate and for women to realize they don’t have to revolt by cheating to get men to listen. We also need to educate men, so they want and know how to listen.
With the holidays around the corner, and it being a time of year when there is a high rate of cheating happening with both women and men. It’s really important to review this cheat sheet with your partner, it could help to prevent you or your partner from cheating this holiday.
Want to prevent cheating in your relationship get our FREE online resource! Click the image below to get your copy.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D
Love and Relationship Expert
The REAL truth behind the Bill Cosby trial
A predator or someone suffering from biochemical cravings?
Bill Cosby is a perfect example of my groundbreaking adultery theory. The trial is finally here and from what I know from treating patients over the years. The acts that he’s been accused of committing was something he was not completely in control of.
Although I’m not excusing his behavior, it is a disease and needs to be recognized and treated as such.
The biochemical craving for connection and adultery should be seen and treated as a disease. Because this is a thrill seeking behavior it is more prevalent among politicians, celebrities, sports figures, and others in high-profile positions. This “disease” is often caused by stress, loss, separation and as a result self-medicating (adultery) calms this down. calm the brain chemicals down.
Is this disease curable?
Yes, this “disease” is curable and treatable as a physiological disease, not, however, by only talking to a therapist about it. For the past 10 years, I’ve worked with patients and have achieved 98% success rate. Here is one of the technique in the system that I used along with others to cure them of this disease.
One of the techniques I used on some patients is balancing their blood sugar with diet. Eliminating sugar, including alcohol, then affects one’s ability to empathize, have good judgment, and clarity despite the high stress. Remember, monogamy is a conscious decision to stay faithful and that requires balanced brain chemicals to achieve this!).
Patients I treat are often seeking to duplicate the euphoria feelings of falling in love. They are trying to recreate their feelings with adulterous affairs or risk taking like gambling or financial infidelity.
Find out more
In my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin I wrote about this in depth.
If you’d like to learn more about my groundbreaking discovery that produces a 98% success rate? Watch my “Unfaithful” documentary by Discovery Health.
As I write this article there is a story today in USA Today that talks about the Lopez Brothers sexual abuse cases. High profile individuals whether they are athletes, celebrities, heads of organizations, etc. are all affected by this “disease” and appears to be an epidemic. I believe it’s time we start to treat this biochemical craving for connection as I have been doing in my practice.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D.
If you or someone you know is suffering because of adultery behavior I have a 98% success rate, and I do all my work on the phone. Click here to contact me today for a complimentary consultation.
Women Ignored On Mother’s Day More Likely to Cheat
There are consequences for ignoring Mother’s Day. According to AshleyMadison.com—a website dedicated to helping married individuals find partners to have affairs, one of the biggest days of the year for female signups is the day after Mother’s Day (along with the day after Valentine’s Day). Data from the site reports that women are ignored or devalued during holiday’s they deem important—Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day, become disillusioned with their relationship, and many seek attention from men outside their relationships immediately following these holidays.
Husbands who ignore their wives send a message that their work is not appreciated. Women work an extra 36 hours a week on home and family-related tasks, above and beyond their jobs outside the home. Mother’s Day offers a structured way to honor their contribution. It is imperative that men honor the work involved in being a wife, mother, and holding down a job outside the home, especially on Mother’s Day—the one day of the year husband’s can honor the dedication and specialized work involved in being a mother. A partner who deflects ignores or devalues Mother’s Day sends the message that he takes his wife for granted.
A husband is doing more than honoring his wife on Mother’s Day. He is sending a message to the children that their mother deserves recognition for her priceless contributions to the family. Children have emotional antennae, so dads should get their children involved in making gifts and surprising their moms with tender sentiments.
Want to prevent cheating in your relationship? Get our FREE online resource!
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
The best-selling author of:
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin – Turned into a movie Unfaithful: Discovery Health
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker
Trouble in Paradise: Dr. Bonnie Provides Antidote for Illicit ‘Cheat Retreat’
Dr. Bonnie responds to the most shocking cheating strategy in the works since Ashley Madison with her ground-breaking solution to “cure” infidelity.
Recently, news of a “cheat retreat” hit the wires outlining Illicit Encounters’ latest business plan to build a “sex island” off the U.K. coast where spouses can go to carry out their secret affairs and effectively get away with it. The Island offers their guests guaranteed secrecy with a wide range of professional services to help guests cover their tracks. This new practice of adultery takes scandal and deception to the next level and Dr. Bonnie has something big to say about it.
“The development of an institutional practice encouraging cheaters to ‘hideaway’ with even more lying and faking should be a major wakeup call. It’s a fundamental change in the way we’re thinking about relationships and love, and we need to understand the root cause of this phenomenon in order to fix it. Only 35 percent of couples stay together when adultery occurs…and it does not have to be that way. Getting rid of a person does not get rid of the problem,” says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, renowned relationship therapist and author of Adultery the Forgivable Sin and Make Up, Don’t Breakup.
Her theory biochemical craving for connection explains adultery as a method of self-medication due to a blood sugar and brain chemical imbalance. During times of loss, separation, or stress, these imbalances are amplified and, if not treated, cause behaviors like addiction and adultery for temporary relief. Dr. Bonnie asserts that with the appropriate psychotherapy, which includes her revolutionary “smart heart dialogue,” we can reverse and correct the imbalances driving this destructive, thrill-seeking behavior.
Check out Dr. Bonnie’s expertise highlighted on the Discovery Health Channel:
Sign up for Dr. Bonnie’s my Ed2Go course on adultery prevention: marriage and relationships: keys to success here: http://www.ed2go.com/online-courses/marriage-and-relationships