Children are intuitive. They are innocent and naïve in a certain way but they also haven’t yet developed the barriers and emotional walls we as adults put up to protect ourselves. They can often sense things are going badly within a family or with their parents before the rest of the world catches on or before anyone tells them anything, they have emotional antennae. Children may be small but they can feel pain just as much as their parents, in fact, they can feel pain even before their parents if they sense something is wrong. Such is the case, I suspect, with Tiger Woods’ kids. They are very young and therefore resilient and will hopefully be able to bounce back much quickly because of that, but they are by all means old enough to remember what’s been transpiring concerning their family and to carry that with them throughout the rest of their lives.
Dr. Thomas Fogarty said it best in my book- Adultery the Forgivable Sin “Adultery never happens to one person. It is a systemic event which, if unexamined, will continue to wreak havoc on later generations. If it is a sin, that is why it is sinful.” Adultery is an emotional emptiness passed down from generation to generation via what I call the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection which typically transpires from a combination of stress, separation and loss. It can effect children of all ages, including even the unborn.
To help children thru the perils of adultery, I developed an innovative theory, specifically for children that can be used starting at age two. It is called Family Play Therapy and can be done at home. This therapy is used to cushion the pain a child feels ~ you can read more about it in my book Adultery the Forgivable Sin, and find additional resources for coping with adultery on my website, doctorbonnie.com. If we start looking at adultery as a forgivable sin, then we can manage the hurt and pain that will otherwise be passed down to the next generation.
We often hear that people are “staying together for the kids,” but that is rarely the true, underlying reason. People stay with the cheating spouse/partner because deep down they want to make it work and they believe they CAN get to the bottom of the situation, and work through it. These are valuable sentiments to acknowledge and important in beginning to re-build the relationship, if that’s what the couple chooses to do.
The affair usually comes as a wake-up call to both parties involved. It’s a (rather obvious!) sign that they’re struggling with something else, whether it be a fear of loss – as sees to be the situation in the case of the Edwards’ – dealing with stress – also a possible factor – or even a means of revenge for something else going on in the relationship. Whatever the reason, it’s an obvious turning point and one that can be negotiated around when the couple is willing to get to the bottom of their emotions.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is known as the “Adultery Buster” and the #1 Love Expert in the World. She is the author of the Best Selling book Make Up Don’t Break Up (second edition due out March 2010 with accompanying DVD “Falling in Love and Staying in Love for Singles and Couples” ) as well as Adultery the Forgivable Sin. For further information on how to treat stress, loss and separation before it spirals into adultery, or more information on her books – please visit www.doctorbonnie.com for contact info.
