Remember Elizabeth Edwards Courage and Faith
We need to remember Elizabeth Edward’s courage and unrelenting faith as she simultaneously faced her most difficult battles towards the end of her life—infidelity and cancer. Elizabeth Edward’s faith and resiliency skills were tested when her husband admitted to having an affair and finally confessing he had fathered a child with Rielle Hunter, a 42-year-old woman hired to make campaign videos during his run for president in 2007.
In her book Make Up Don’t Break Up, Dr. Weil cites studies that reveal prolonged stress lowers the immune system. Edward admitted in her memoir Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life’s Adversities—that her husband’s infidelity made her physically ill. A recent 2010 study links cancer growth to stress (http://www.cancer.ucla.edu). “Adultery is one of the most brutal betrayals a partner can commit. We never know how long we, or our spouse will be here on this earth. I don’t think partners want the defining moment of their relationship to be about betrayal and cheating.”
“While adultery can be overcome, the uphill battle towards recovery includes healing physically, emotionally and spiritually. I ask couples to honor their marriage vows in memory of Elizabeth Edward’s courage, grace, and resiliency. And, remember to protect your relationship by nurturing instead of betraying. Monogamy may not be instinctual, but it is a choice,” Dr. Weil says.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at www.DoctorBonnie.com.
Men and Women Don’t See Eye to Eye on Sex
Dr Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, and author of Make Up Don’t Break Up responds to a recent poll that says 24 percent of 45-65 year old men say they are dissatisfied with their sex lives and sixty one percent of men think sex is a critical part of a healthy relationship while only 40 percent of women think sex is imperative for a healthy relationship. (http://www.lifegoesstrong.com/sex-poll). The poll also shows that women are more confident about sex than men. “This disconnect could be due to the dynamic differences between men and women. Women are emotional pursuers, while men are sexual pursuers and emotional distancers. So, women place less importance on sex alone, are less frustrated and more confident about sex,” explains Dr. Weil.
“Couples need to learn the tools that turn each other on, and the reasons why their sex life is not satisfying. This requires a commitment to meet each others needs, and honest discussions,” explains Dr. Bonnie.
“Couples should learn the Smart Heart Skills and dialogue that I teach on the DVD “Falling in Love and Staying in Love” which accompanies my book Make Up Don’t Break Up. The Smart Heart skills I teach are the glue to keep the relationship new,” says Dr. Bonnie Weil. “A commitment to marriage requires an intentional decision to stay in love.” In the book Make Up Don’t Break Up Dr. Bonnie teaches relationship building dialogue as well as ways to rekindle the romance magic and bring back those beginning stage feelings.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
For interview contact Diane Dennis, Inspired Media Communication at 503-678-1356 or dianeden(at)centurytel(dot)net
A Disturbing Trend of Couples Living Apart Has Long Range Consequences on Children
The trend of committed couples with children living in separate households damaging to family units. Now that the holidays are looming closer, kids shuttled between two separate households can become even more confusing, especially if they are young. Dr. Bonnie surmises that young children will have the security of their holiday traditions shaken. “After all, will Santa know which chimney is theirs?”
Apparently many couples are opting to have separate bedrooms, and even living apart to avoid conflicts, according to a New York Times article November 17, 2010 titled “Blending Like The Brady Bunch, Let’s Not Go Too Far.” (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/18/garden/18unblended.html).
“Couples who set up separate dwellings as a solution to resolving conflict are sending the wrong messages to the children, and not teaching kids conflict resolution. I find this disturbing,” says Dr. Weil.
Blended family dynamics get even more complicated during the holidays. Children in stepfamilies have twice as many parent and grandparent figures, all vying for time, increasing the opportunity for disagreements. In addition, parents’ living apart adds confusion, stress, and sends the wrong message to kids. “We have to teach our children that being part of a family unit is like being a shareholder in a company. Everyone has a vote, and a responsibility to be part of a successful team, and not bail when the going gets tough. Teaching this concept starts with the parents.”
Parents need to employ the following guidelines, and adhere to these rules especially during the holidays.
1. Use Smart Heart Dialogue Skills (found in Dr. Bonnie’s book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love
2. Always fight fair (no blaming, shaming, or judging)
3. Have weekly talks including all family members to voice grievances and solve problems
4. Reward members for getting along
“When discussing an issue, remember to utilize play to make kids more receptive to learning lessons. Play is to children what conversation is to adults. Teach children that conflict is an occasion for closeness, not an opportunity to employ an exit strategy,” says Dr. Bonnie.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.
For interview contact Diane Dennis, Inspired Media Communication at 503-678-1356 or dianeden(at)centurytel(dot)net
Dr. Bonnie Warns Couples That Lying About Spending During The Holidays Has Steep Marital Price Tag
New York, NY………………….Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD warns couples that holiday splurges and lying to each other about spending go hand in hand. “Our weakened economy, the holiday season, and stress creates a perfect storm for partners to lie to each about money,” explains Dr. Bonnie, author of Financial Infidelity. With added holiday stress, and pressures to satisfy their children’s Santa wish list, a mom or dad can easily be tempted to slip a few extra presents under the tree, hide the receipts, and hope the clandestine spending flies under the radar.
“Breaking trust, and disregarding financial agreements happen all the time with couples. In fact, a 2010 study by CESI Debt Solutions shows that 80 percent of all married couples hide purchases from their mates (http://www.cesidebtsolutions.org/news_press)”, says Dr. Weil.
People lie to each other for a variety of reasons. Whether trying to avoid conflict, blame or shame, lying about purchases will cause relationship issues to escalate. Maybe a couple has made a pact not to use credit card debt to augment a financially strained holiday gift list, but half way through the purchases money runs thin, and one of the partners strays from the plan. “This is a time when rationalizing about spending is at an all time high. A partner may deceive himself by thinking that Christmas comes only once a year and they can balance the budget or make amends for their deceptions after the festivities, not realizing that lying about money has a steep emotional price tag.”
Dr. Bonnie explains that trust is key. “If you lie to your partner about spending, trust is violated, and a couple begins to become suspicious about what other indiscretions are going on. In fact, cheating with the bank account can lead to other types of deception.”
Dr. Bonnie advises couples to honor agreements, just say no to spending that is beyond the household budget, and learn each other’s familial spending habits. The book Financial Infidelity offers ways to make discussions about money sexy, have frank financial discussions without discourse, and get on the same financial page during the holidays and afterwards.
Scientists prove Dr. Bonnie’s Theory that Cheating is Biological
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of Make Up Don’t Break Up and Adultery The Forgivable Sin has been saying for years what scientists finally found a genetic explanation for. Cheating is genetic, specifically the DRD4 gene.
The recent scientific study completed by Justin Garcia, a doctoral fellow in evolutionary biology and health at Binghamton University, New York, determined that the DRD4 gene not only plays a role in other thrill seeking behaviors such as gambling and drinking, but also plays a role in sexual infidelity and promiscuity (http://healthland.time.com/2010/12/02/too-many-one-night-stands-blame-your-genes)
In her books, Dr. Weil has continually supported her theory that men who cheat also have high levels of the hormone vasopressin, driving them to seek out and thrive in high risk activities like gambling, sports, and often choose high risk and thrill seeking careers such as politics or professional sports. Dr. Weil has coined the phrase, bio-chemical craving for connection, to describe why some men are hormonally set up to cheat. “Men who cheat are wired to thrive in high arousal activities because of their biological make up. They also seek out self-soothing activities to counteract the agitating effects of higher levels of the hormone. While some of these men turn to drugs and alcohol, others choose sex, which simultaneously fills the need for risk and the desire for calming.”
Dr. Bonnie reminds couples that cheating, even though there is a genetic predisposition, is still a choice. “Once the indiscretion is committed, it takes a lot of work to undo the damage, and many relationships don’t survive the betrayal.” In other words, cheating may be in ones genes, but is not a free pass for dropping trousers indiscriminately. In her book, Make Up Don’t Break Up, Dr. Bonnie gives tips for couples at risk for cheating.
Blended Families Living Apart
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD views the trend of committed couples with children living in separate households damaging to family units. Now that the holidays are looming closer, kids shuttled between two separate households can become even more confusing, especially if they are young. Dr. Bonnie surmises that young children will have the security of their holiday traditions shaken. “After all, will Santa know which chimney is theirs?”
Apparently many couples are opting to have separate bedrooms, and even living apart to avoid conflicts, according to a New York Times article November 17, 2010 titled “Blending Like The Brady Bunch, Let’s Not Go Too Far.” (http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/18/garden/18unblended.html).
“Couples who set up separate dwellings as a solution to resolving conflict are sending the wrong messages to the children, and not teaching kids conflict resolution. I find this disturbing,” says Dr. Weil.
Blended family dynamics get even more complicated during the holidays. Children in stepfamilies have twice as many parent and grandparent figures, all vying for time, increasing the opportunity for disagreements. In addition, parents’ living apart adds confusion, stress, and sends the wrong message to kids. “We have to teach our children that being part of a family unit is like being a shareholder in a company. Everyone has a vote, and a responsibility to be part of a successful team, and not bail when the going gets tough. Teaching this concept starts with the parents.”
Parents need to employ the following guidelines, and adhere to these rules especially during the holidays.
- Use Smart Heart Dialogue Skills (found in Dr. Bonnie’s book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love
- Always fight fair (no blaming, shaming, or judging)
- Have weekly talks including all family members to voice grievances and solve problems
- Reward members for getting along
“When discussing an issue, remember to utilize play to make kids more receptive to learning lessons. Play is to children what conversation is to adults. Teach children that conflict is an occasion for closeness, not an opportunity to employ an exit strategy,” says Dr. Bonnie.
NFL Wives Cheat Proof Their Marriages
New York, NY…………..Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD endorses the group of NFL wives who created Off The Market as an attempt to shore up their celebrity marriages and “cheat proof” their relationships. Author of Make Up Don’t Break Up, Dr. Bonnie explains that athletes are more apt to cheat for a few reasons. “People who become athletes are more apt to engage in risky behavior due to their biological make-up. There is a certain amount of stress that comes with the territory of being a celebrated athlete. The combination of media exposure, being physically attractive, and easy access to admiring fans adds up to opportunity.”
“Cheating is not an accident, it is a choice,” Dr. Bonnie explains. “The fact that this group of NFL wives have taken their secret fears out of the closet, exposed them publicly, and are willing to take steps to strengthen their marriages is a great step forward.”
The book Make Up Don’t Break Up offers tips to strengthen emotional intimacy—the glue of good marriages. “Kiss often, give long hugs, support more and criticize less are some of the tips I offer to keep a partner from straying.” Dr. Bonnie teaches couples that if they are not getting their needs met, or have issues in a marriage, cheating is not the answer. “Cheating is a temporary fix for an underlying problem that straying won’t fix. And, the recovery from infidelity is a difficult path. It takes years to recover from this type of betrayal.”
Inspired Media Communications*www.inspiredMC.com*Diane Dennis*503-678-1356
How to Holiday Proof Your Marriage
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of Make Up Don’t Break Up warns couples that they must “holiday proof” their marriage and family in these economically challenging times.
“Holiday stress coupled with money anxiety is a set up for marital problems,” warns Dr. Bonnie. There is a direct correlation between stress and behavior that can be detrimental to relationships. From drinking too much, over eating, lack of sleep, and a myriad of other stress related behaviors a marriage on the brink can suffer irreparable damage.
According to a 2006 survey by the American Psychological Association (http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2006/12/women-stress.aspx) women are susceptible to feeling more stressed and engage in unhealthy behaviors during the holidays.
Dr. Bonnie suggests that both partners engage in activities that counteract the stresses many couples are sure to experience this holiday season. “Kiss more, hold more, and look for activities that create playful fun that aren’t costly.” Dr. Bonnie also recommends that couples tell the truth to their extended friends, family and children about their economic situation. “Don’t write checks you don’t have money for. Send a card with a loving sentiment instead of gifts. Friends and family will understand, and are most likely in similar economic situations.”
Another stress to marriages is unhappy kids who act out. Parents must also realize that their children feel stress, and busy parents miss the cues. “According to a 2009 study, (http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2009/11/stress.aspx), teens and tweens were more likely than parents to say that their stress had increased in the last year. Nearly half of the teens surveyed ages 13-17 said that they worried more this year, but only 28 percent of parents think their teen’s stress increased, and while a quarter of tweens ages 8-12 said they worried more this year, only 17 percent of parents believed their tween’s stress had increased. “This has two implications. Children are more stressed than ever, and parents aren’t aware,” explains Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie recommends that parents have healthy and honest discussions with their children about their fears and concerns, and teach appropriate behaviors to relieve stress, like playing ball instead of video games. Physical activity releases stress, while sitting exacerbates it.
Make Up Don’t Break Up offers communication tips, and assists couples develop skills to stay together when faced with adversity and the stressors of daily life.