How to avoid arguments with your man this Holiday…
With the 4th of July holiday coming up, there are a lot of family barbecue’s going on this weekend. Unfortunately, a lot of fighting also happens during this weekend, having to do with doing the barbecue! This weekend should be fun but very often the kind of fireworks you want, you don’t always get. 🙁 Here are some tips to a Happy July Fourth!
Over the years my male patients have told me, how they don’t always have fun during this weekend. This is in part because men do not like to be told what to do, which leads to one of the big reasons they don’t SEEM to listen or can seem to be resistant to your requests. Often times they will say yes, to have peace at any price, when they mean no… which can cause the wrong kind of fireworks later!
Here are some of my simple Smartheart skills and dialogue do’s and don’ts that you may want to try. My husband Jeff helped me develop these smart heart skills, so they are tried and true by a man and work like magic!
Here are the don’ts
- Don’t mind read – ask him what he needs
- Don’t assume – just because he’s been doing it that he likes doing it.
- Don’t criticize – you want to compliment and thank him instead.
Here are the Do’s
- Do make this weekend more about him if your partner is in charge of barbecuing, show him appreciation and no criticizing the burgers!
- Do give your partner a choice. When you talk about the barbecue this weekend use the word “How.” Ask him “How do you feel about doing the barbecuing? Not “I would like you to” or “can you.” Or worse, You ARE doing the barbecue this weekend.
As a society, we tend to associate barbecue as something that is done by men. However, when I took a poll of my patients over the years, most do not like to barbecue. The ones that did are the ones who love to cook. Some men love to cook, and others love to be nurtured and have others do the cooking. Most of the men in this poll that did not like barbecuing felt they were supposed to like it.
The reason for not liking it for some of my patients is simply because they don’t like being over the hot coals. One patient said, “I can’t mingle or meet and greet with my guest, friends, and family because I’m stuck over the hot coals.” He found it difficult to communicate this to his wife, fearing that she might get upset with him and think he was being selfish, causing a fight.
So, I recommend you give your man a choice and if possible have others help him out. That could be you, a family member or even guests. Some guests love to help out if you offer for them to get involved. This allows your partner to enjoy the party, while also getting the opportunity to spend time with you and your guests!
Remember to always give him a choice. Maybe you’re partner would like to cater this year instead of being the one doing the cooking. Be sure to give him that option, because this allows him to relax and have time to enjoy himself with everyone and with you.
Sometimes we lose sight of the fact that our partner is our priority and number one, and not your guests. So give him a hug, a kiss, check to see if he needs a break, a drink or some help. Very often the person doing the barbecuing, may need something to eat, because they are so busy cooking they’re not eating.
Using these Smartheart skill and dialogue helps to remove the stress of the day for both of you. Leaving room for the real love fireworks between the two of you to happen later that evening. With this reward at the end, don’t be surprised if your partner wants to barbecue every year. 😉
Take advantage of the holiday to create some sexy fireworks and have an affair with your man this weekend.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Having relationship problems? I have a 98% success rate with singles and couples even if your partner is resistant, I can even work with one partner, and you will see amazing results. Apply for a complimentary phone Breakthrough To Your Ideal Relationship session.
How has tech and social media destroyed empathy in our society?
Lack of empathy in our society among singles and married couples are at an all time high. It’s even being attributed to divorces.
Some say the popularity of social media and the use of tech gadgets has contributed to the lack of empathy, caring, respect and the ability to know how to communicate directly with others.
How should we address this issue?
Alan Alda has written a book If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?: My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating, he describes empathy as CRITICAL to our society. He also talks about how people do not know how to communicate properly and do not take the time to do so which can cause all kinds of misunderstandings as well.
I can attest to all the couples who seek out my services who are breaking up; they do not have empathy and good communication skills. These are easy to learn. I introduce them to Smartheart skills and dialogue that can provide clarity, mutuality, and safety with their partner, learning empathy and walking in the other person’s shoes, which prevents breakups. The core of Smartheart skills and dialogue are empathy and validation.
In my free video and my Reader’s Choice New York Times book Make Up, Don’t Break Up you can find out more.
Let’s take one loving step for mankind by practicing empathy towards our loved ones, including children and also at work with our colleagues.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil Ph.D.
P.S.: I have a 98% success rate helping singles, and couples attract and keep loving relationships. I offer a limited number of “Breakthrough To Your Ideal Relationship” phone sessions each month that you can apply for HERE.
The REAL truth behind the Bill Cosby trial
A predator or someone suffering from biochemical cravings?
Bill Cosby is a perfect example of my groundbreaking adultery theory. The trial is finally here and from what I know from treating patients over the years. The acts that he’s been accused of committing was something he was not completely in control of.
Although I’m not excusing his behavior, it is a disease and needs to be recognized and treated as such.
The biochemical craving for connection and adultery should be seen and treated as a disease. Because this is a thrill seeking behavior it is more prevalent among politicians, celebrities, sports figures, and others in high-profile positions. This “disease” is often caused by stress, loss, separation and as a result self-medicating (adultery) calms this down. calm the brain chemicals down.
Is this disease curable?
Yes, this “disease” is curable and treatable as a physiological disease, not, however, by only talking to a therapist about it. For the past 10 years, I’ve worked with patients and have achieved 98% success rate. Here is one of the technique in the system that I used along with others to cure them of this disease.
One of the techniques I used on some patients is balancing their blood sugar with diet. Eliminating sugar, including alcohol, then affects one’s ability to empathize, have good judgment, and clarity despite the high stress. Remember, monogamy is a conscious decision to stay faithful and that requires balanced brain chemicals to achieve this!).
Patients I treat are often seeking to duplicate the euphoria feelings of falling in love. They are trying to recreate their feelings with adulterous affairs or risk taking like gambling or financial infidelity.
Find out more
In my book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin I wrote about this in depth.
If you’d like to learn more about my groundbreaking discovery that produces a 98% success rate? Watch my “Unfaithful” documentary by Discovery Health.
As I write this article there is a story today in USA Today that talks about the Lopez Brothers sexual abuse cases. High profile individuals whether they are athletes, celebrities, heads of organizations, etc. are all affected by this “disease” and appears to be an epidemic. I believe it’s time we start to treat this biochemical craving for connection as I have been doing in my practice.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D.
If you or someone you know is suffering because of adultery behavior I have a 98% success rate, and I do all my work on the phone. Click here to contact me today for a complimentary consultation.