Did you know that heat waves bring on more than one type of sizzle?
What can you do?
Like my patients who take advantage of the summer heat to “fire” up their relationship and light each other’s Fire, take a romantic walk after dinner to the light of the moon as its dark later. Have a picnic in the park and surprise your partner when he/she arrives home leave a note where to secretly meet you! Cool off with a swim after work as a novelty to your relationship.
You do not need to spend money to have fun, quality intimate time together.
Remember what goes on outside the bedroom affects what goes on inside the bedroom! You can dance under the stars in summer. Many parks have that, so put on those dancing shoes like Paula and Brian did to create sizzle on those warm summer nights –the long “hot” summer that tricked themselves into those feelings they had when they fell for each other. As Katie Couric said to me on the Today Show that 30-second kiss does wonders to turn on outside the bedroom. Check out how to do this kiss in the video “Falling in Love and Staying in Love” that accompanies my Readers Choice NY Times book Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples.
I am here to support you with any questions you may have from how to make up to how to deal with an affair. Please do not hesitate to call me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist
The best-selling author of:
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
ALERT: TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SUMMER HEAT WAVE
Men are more amorous in HOT climates!
Research tells us sixty-two percent of men feel more amorous, in hot climates. This is why the country of Greece has such a high incidence of adultery, as I was told when I visited there! I personally advocate making lemonade from lemons. So, since men are more amorous in hot climates take advantage of the “sizzle” outside and inside and have an affair with your own partner during these HOT summer days and nights!
If your relationship or marriage feels like you are just roommates and you don’t know how to take advantage of you or your partner being more amorous, make more happen OUTSIDE the bedroom to turn each other on (unlike roommate behavior), so try this! Make mindless moments matter by feeling “excited” with your partner when you are outside the bedroom.
My overworked and distracted couples do not save this “turned on connection” I call it, not just for the bedroom like most! They know it’s the foreplay for later or tomorrow that helps turn on the other by doing mini-connections.” This can be holding him or her close or passionately kissing before he or she goes out the door to work, or the same greeting when he or she returns home. Savor that moment when you are looking in each other’s eyes or stroking each other’s hair. Cuddling and looking in your partner’s eyes before bed, even if exhausted, goes a long way for a “promise” that you can’t wait for tomorrow!
Showing these displays of affections sets the stage for the romantic, not roommate scenario. Steamy outside and steamy inside, created during those exciting mindless moments of touch, kissing or stroking or cuddling, away from the bedroom will bring you back to the bedroom! What happens outside the bedroom ends up inside the bedroom!
Only a few moments of that longer gaze or kiss makes us all amorous. If more of us did this, we could reduce adultery and divorce. We all want to be loved and made to feel special. Make those moments count and don’t use the excuse of “I don’t have time.” Make the time! It’s exhilarating like exercising, and bonds you to your partner. This is why my husband and I have Fantasy Friday’s, for the last 29 years we’ve taken Friday’s off from our practices to be alone with each other, we take turns with the planning. So every week, one of you gets to pick your fantasy and the other one plays along.
Your Fantasy Friday could be as innocent as going to a hockey game. One of my patients’ fantasies was to be “picked up” by her mate. They arrived at a nightclub separately and he had to win her over to bring her home. They both loved this one!This is something I want you to not just try but DO IT! If you want to learn more about Fantasy Friday’s I give more ideas and couples experiences in my best selling book which is accompanied by a free video on “Falling in Love and Staying in Love.”
Get a FREE chapter from “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” click the link below.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
The best-selling author of:
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
You are more compatible than you think! Opposites Do Attract
Most relationships can be saved as people fall in love and usually pick well-opposite and since opposites attract it causes trouble but leads to real life love if you do the work. Recognizing why you picked opposite to complete you, the traits you suppressed or repressed in childhood to be socialized or to seek approval or to people, please.
You seek this out in your partner, loving it in the beginning and hating it in the power struggle stage. You will need tools, ground rules, and dialogue which I call Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue to keep your relationship full of passion and sizzle! Then you can both do it on your own after learning this in a few short sessions. These skills are the glue whether a relationship is new or old. Instead of getting rid of your partner (same will happen with a new one ) change the dialogue and behavior with each other.
Here are some simple steps:
- Think of your partner with admiration every day
- Write what you love about him or her
- Tell her or him every morning how handsome or beautiful your partner is
- Cuddle for 30 sec before he or she wakes up.
These mini connections are what makes a relationship. Remember when you attack your partner you attack yourself, you picked that person for a reason; andthat reason is to get their traits somehow!
Read more about opposites and sizzle in my Readers Choice New York Times best-seller Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples, forward by Dr. Harville Hendrix ,Ph.D., “This is the best manual for saving a relationship I have ever seen.”
Want to learn more about how and why opposites attract? Scheule a a complimentary Make Up, Don’t Break Up phone session with me. This is a no-obligation offer – Go here to apply for your FREE session today!
You can also reach me directly at 212-606-3787 with your relationship questions.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. – Love and Relationship Therapist, Mentor & Coach
The best-selling author of:
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Choosing Happiness Is A Conscious Choice
You CAN be happy in a relationship…
With the patients with whom I have encouraged to be more positive and show gratitude by doing daily gratitude exercises, I tailored for them, along with meditating to be in the moment, they are no longer thinking too much ahead about the outcome of the journey in a negative manner, no matter the stress it may have caused previously. Their here and now circumstance are much happier! Creating more ease when dealing with their partner and a better overall flow in their relationship.
This I also noticed and is demonstrated by an amazing “Happiness” course at Harvard that backs this up.
My upbringing was like this, with both my parents always positive, no matter what. Believing in themselves and each other, always appreciating and showing gratitude for the simplest thing. An example I remember is my Dad saying “isn’t this the best marbleized rib-eye steak you ever saw?” Mom would buy me a special raincoat and rubber boots so I looked forward to when it rained (Mom would get excited and would say Now we can talk a lovely walk in the rain as it drizzles.)
I even looked forward to getting my tonsils out as Mom said let’s buy a pretty party dress for you to wear to the hospital to cheer you up when you have the procedure. She knew I loved ice cream and said when you wake up from the procedure I’ll be there with ice cream and she was. To this day I get happy eating ice cream because it reminds me of these moments with my mother.
Professor Laurie Santos has developed at Harvard the Happiness course called PSYC157: Psychology and the Good Life and it’s so popular it has 1,200 students enrolled. I point that out to say You too can be happier. Choosing Happiness, a conscious choice, therefore, no matter what you’re experiencing, it all comes down to how you respond to it.
You can change any existing behavior that is not serving you, one that causes you to be stressed, or angry to be more grateful and positive. In fact, if you write 5 things you are grateful for each day for 8 days, you will see a shift in your happiness quotient, practicing self-compassion, and no longer beating yourself up. Meditating with a happiness mantra for only 5-min a day also helps, try getting your partner engaged as well. Having a visual “bubble wrap” around you, even if a family member tries to negatively bring you down, is key to in keeping happiness, not “doom and gloom” in the forefront. Doing this affects how you see your partner and your relationship, in fact, and how successful you will be in your life. The research says “money is not equated with happiness once your physical needs are satisfied.”
In my book Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (quoted as the best Manual for saving a relationship he has ever seen by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. who did the forward) I write about the experiences of my family and my patients who have a positive spin on life and how it affects happiness, and the positive outcomes it created in our lives and the lives of my patients!
I recently came across an article in the NY Times Science Section on millennials putting off marriage until all their ducks are in a row, wanting to “find” themselves and be more prepared for marriage. They want to stay married for forever, not divorced. Many are living together or were friends for a decade before moving in together, friends first or friends with benefits! Women and men both are marrying later in life the article says, taking more time to get to know each other before marrying.
Nearly 70% of singles surveyed by Match.com recently as part of the 8th annual survey of singles in America said they wanted a serious relationship. The median age of marriage has risen to 29.5 for men and 27.4 for women in 2017, up from 23 for men and 20.8 for women in 1970. Over half of Millennials who said they had a friends with benefits relationship said it evolved into a romantic relationship compared to 41% of Genexers and 38% of baby boomers and some 40% of Millennials said a platonic relationship evolved into a romantic relationship with nearly one-third of them saying the romantic relationship grew into a serious committed relationship.
This is why I wrote Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples , accompanied by a video on “Falling in love and staying in love”, to help get past the third date to commitment, and for couples to learn how to stay together and in love with the parks for a lifetime, like I did and do, and how my parents did, even after adultery. Marriage is now becoming the last not first part of adulthood, so people are more prepared. I am so happy more couples are calling me for help on working out potential issues BEFORE they move in or marry to prevent breaking up; Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples I also go into how to prevent divorces and help couples to preempt potential problems with the tools and specific dialogue and prescription to do so. Men do better with a template of “how to” as they are fixers by nature and women are the guardian of connection, its a win-win for both.
Marriage is being postponed not because it’s going out of style but because people are wanting to be more prepared more for it and learn the how to’s.
Here are some tips from this manual:
- Do affirmations daily alone or with your partner
- Make time to have dinner together without devices, no tv twice a week and on weekends, use this time to reconnect with one another after a rough day or busy week.
- Having problems or disagreements? Make an appointment and schedule a time within 24 hours when you will talk about it
- DO NOT keep score or seek revenge after revealing vulnerabilities to your partner during a talk!
- Reward each other after a difficult talk.
Talking about money is one of the most difficult talks couples have. For how to have money talks check out my book on Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker.
Here is to finding and keeping real love!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D.- Love and Relationship Mentor & Coach
The best-selling author of:
Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples
Adultery: The Forgivable Sin
Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery
Financial Infidelity; The #1 Relationship Wrecker