Best of Luck to the Broncos and the Panthers

February 3, 2016 by · Leave a Comment 

Dr. Bonnie wishes the best of luck to both the Denver Broncos and the Carolina Panthers. She and her husband already have their Broncos Peyton Manning jerseys ready to go, and urges all couples to cuddle up, with that oxytocin, “cuddle” hormone while watching the Superbowl  together; couples who “play” together stay together, so Makeup Don’t Break Up (straight from the book of the same name).

Superbowl Eat-fest

February 3, 2016 by · Leave a Comment 

The NFL’s Superbowl is the second largest US food consumption day which is only surpassed by thanksgiving , so that may lesson the guilt we all feel says Dr Bonnie when we pile on the chips, wings, and pizza.

She emphasizes  we can eat healthy like “guacamole without the chips, but cucumber instead and cauliflower crust on pizza. Enjoy the eating fest without the guilt, and remember cuddling during halftime has no calories !!

Time to Tackle Your Relationship During Superbowl

February 3, 2016 by · Leave a Comment 

tmp_8342-photo998636950Instead of allowing the final football game of the season to drive a wedge in a relationship, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil suggest couples use the superbowl to get close and cuddle with your partner to “touchdown” together using attachment skills. “Half time is the perfect time to re-connect sexually and make the game that much more interesting,” she advises.

Couples should keep in mind that sex is the best if there’s a positive all-around experience so be sure to cook or purchase favorite foods and snacks to have on hand during the game. “Many couples watch the game together,” notes Dr. Bonnie, “and this is the perfect time to add in sex during half time.” Endorphins are running high during football games, especially when favorite teams are playing – so Dr. Bonnie suggests putting those endorphins to good use. This heightened endorphin level encourages the sizzle and passion that comes with great sex.

Even for couples that won’t be watching the game together, it’s helpful to create a fun atmosphere. Often women are the ones who choose not to watch the game, and they may resent their husband’s decision to do so. Instead of letting football drive a wedge in the relationship, use it as an opportunity to create a positive experience for both people. Women not watching the game can encourage their husband to have a good time without them, with an understanding that there will be couple time later, or the wife will have some free time to spend doing something she enjoys. If a woman’s husband realizes that she’s stretching to be a football fan, he’s going to want to stretch for her in other areas.

In either case, the use the Superbowl to create a space where both people end up happy and fulfilled, instead of engaged in a power struggle.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is a private practice NYC Psychotherapist. She counsels couples, singles, adults and children worldwide via telephone and/or on-site. She is the author of the Best Seller and Readers Choice Award winning book Make Up, Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD; as well as the book Adultery: The Forgivable Sin, which was turned into the Lifetime movie Silence of Adultery. Dr. Bonnie appeared on the pilot that currently still airing on Discovery Health OWN titled “Unfaithful” and can be seen here http://youtu.be/BHk37fj-3Lk.
Dr. Bonnie Weil has launched her first Education 2 Go Course Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Read more and register here: http://www.ed2go.com/online-courses/marriage-and-relationships?tab=detail

 

 

The People vs O.J. Simpson

February 2, 2016 by · Leave a Comment 

American crime story mini-series begins this week on FX

And this has caused quite a stir, especially from the families of the victims, as it focuses on the lawyers and OJ behind the scenes, supposedly with racial overtones between Los Angeles police and potential perpetrators.

At the same time Dr. Bennet Omalu, who discovered CTE, brain disease from concussions, specific to football players announced he would bet his medical license on the fact that OJ had CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy). Unfortunately people are using this statement as if this Dr. is excusing bad behavior; enabling or condoning bad behavior. Others argue he wants to enlighten people to this disease and to help players and family members look for symptoms, to prevent violence and suicides that some football players are experiencing.

It may not be a coincidence that this series comes out the week of the Super Bowl.

Time to Remove Your Mask… Your Intimacy Mask!

October 26, 2015 by · Leave a Comment 

That time of year again, ghosts, goblins and love! Yes that’s right, Dr. Bonnie says “it’s time to take off those masks, and take a chance at love. Don’t stop a relationship before it starts!”

For Halloween dress up, have fun and enjoy. “If you are not in a relationship go to a party with friends or family” says Dr. Bonnie. Upon meeting new people it’s important to use eye contact and smile or comment/compliment on a persons costume. Dr. Bonnie suggests “If you are in a relationship use costumesfor play and perhaps some “Shades of Gray” to add the spice and intimacy.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil counsels her patients how to remove their masks of intimacy and also how to get past the third date and not stop a relationship before it starts. For further information on starting and keeping your relationship new read Makeup Don’t Breakup with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying in Love. Learn tips to healthy relationships and adding the sizzle to keep your love alive by participating in my course titled Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success.)

Q&A with Dr. Bonnie Weil

November 11, 2011 by · Leave a Comment 

Question: Dr. Bonnie, my husband and I have been together for 10 years and have 3 adorable children.  The issue is our sex life is obsolete these days. I feel like I’m providing a dissatisfaction to my husband as I have no interest in having sex.  He goes out sometimes and when he gets home, I will act like I’m sleeping as I don’t have any interest.  Will I ever be able to get these feelings back or is this a sign that maybe I should move on as we weren’t meant to be?
Answer: Thank you for contacting me.  I don’t believe it is the fact that you don’t make the time, but it’s that you don’t get excited anymore.  Sex needs to be thought of in an exciting way by adding novelty and excitement to your relationship, there should be no resentment.  Resentment tends to occur in long term relationships as the wife feels the husband does less around the house and with the kids.  You need to learn to compartmentalize any of those feelings.  Nobody wants to be in a relationship with boredom and resentment.  You and your partner need to learn to fight fair and not air resentment. If a couple does not learn to fight fair there is no passion as conflict creates passion.  The best sex is after a good fight! Don’t use sex as leverage as an orgasm is a gift you give yourself as well.  Fourplay is also important, no matter the years of history you have together.  It is important to keep kissing for the oxytocin hormone, hugging for the dopamine hormone.  If it has been a while since making love, the brain also needs to be retrained.  Frequency of romantic encounters with your partner are a must, so the brain is still in tune.

Kardashian Divorce: Dr. Bonnie Advises Ways to Deal with Conflict and Stay Together

November 10, 2011 by · Leave a Comment 

The latest news to come from the Kardashian camp is that Kim is conflicted about her recent divorce filing and has flown to Minnesota to see her husband Kris Humphries. “The fact that she’s having second thoughts is a good sign,” says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. “I believe just about any marriage can be saved if the couple is willing to put in the work and it seems like there might be hope for Kim.”

 The conflict first arose after the couple had only been married for a short 72 days, apparently over a difference of opinion on where to live. Dr. Bonnie says this is evidence the couple has already left the honeymoon phase and is now moving to the power struggle phase, where they must learn to address each other on different terms. Kim wanted to settle near hear family in California, while Kris hoped to set up home base in Minnesota. “Although these are things the couple should have worked out prior to marriage, all is not lost due to this apparent impasse,” encourages Dr. Bonnie.

Although it’s disconcerting that, facing a disagreement, Kim’s fist reaction was to throw in the towel, her trip to Minnesota suggests she’s realizing dissolving a marriage shouldn’t be that simple. “Kim needs to learn how to deal with conflict in their relationship or, even if they work this issue out, there will be others that might send her running again,” Dr. Bonnie cautions, and suggests a few things to give the couple staying power.

Smart Heart Dialogue: The couple can use this as a way to move beyond the anger and blame that typically is placed when an argument or disagreement comes to a stalemate. It can be used for smaller, more inconsequential arguments as well. Dr. Bonnie encourages having a weekly ten minute “Smart heart”-to-heart with a figurative emotional “bullet proof vest” to protect from hurt, anger and defensiveness, as the couple listens and echoes back what they each heard the other say.

Fight Fair: Fighting in a relationship doesn’t have to signal the end – but rather, it’s HOW the couple fights that makes all the difference. Fighting doesn’t necessarily mean a relationship is on the rocks, in fact, couples who argue well are happier. Perhaps surprisingly, there’s also little distinction made about the so-called differences between arguing, fighting, bickering or even nagging – they’re all forms of expressing dissatisfaction with a situation or a person and learning how to convey these feelings, and how to respond to them, can make all the difference. 

Break up to make up or “brush with death”: It may be this initial divorce filing provided Kim with all the separation she needed, but Dr. Bonnie typically advises a temporary breakup as a way to help resolve certain issues, and create a shake-up that many couples need. In certain circumstances, this is the only thing that will create an action step which will make reconnecting and making up easier to do.

New Life Only a Click Away

November 10, 2011 by · Leave a Comment 

I recently saw a heart-breaking story in The New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/06/fashion/in-a-divorce-the-clicks-of-a-mouse-modern-love.html?_r=1&pagewanted=1&ref=fashion&src=me from a woman whose husband had been having an affair with a woman he met online, unbeknown to her. Perhaps even more tragically, this story is not that uncommon. In fact there are a number of statistics that reveal how widespread this has become:

Internet users devote three hours per week to online sexual exploits (MSNBC.com)

  • -Statistics show more than 72,000 sexually explicit sites on the web and an estimated 266 new porn sites being added each day. These sites alone generate a revenue of $1 billion dollars each year.
    (Harding Institute)
  • One in 10 respondents said they are addicted to sex and the Internet
    (MSNBC.com and Dr. Alvin Cooper)
     

It’s become overly simple to meet someone online for sex – in fact it’s more difficult to avoid these types of propositions than it is to take advantage of them, as the woman in the article found when, following her divorce, she did a little online sex research of her own:  

[After posting my ad] I refreshed my e-mail and a dozen more replies showed up. Within the hour I had more than 100. I was appalled but also flattered 

Needless to say, these types of encounters are easy to procure and appear much less high-risk than attempting to pick someone up in real life. However, the real life consequences are just as devastating. It’s a way of over-riding true emotions by opting for a “high” of a sexual encounter instead. It could be the case that people looking for casual encounters via the internet are seeking out a way to mask the fact that they don’t want to deal with their emotions or don’t know how to engage in true intimacy. It’s a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person’s life. People who utilize the internet for these types of “relationships” are typically just in it for the high the feel in the moment without examining what’s making them seek that high.  

When one person in a couple suffers from this need for thrill-seeking behavior it’s imperative that the person communicate with their partner – and with themselves – as to what’s leading them into this pattern. As I suggest in the documentary, Unfaithful (featured on the OWN Network), it’s imperative to dig deeper than indulging a momentary desire and learn what feeds the need to act in such a way.  

In this sense, the course of action for dealing with this behavior is the same as if it weren’t fueled by technology. However the ever-presence of sex online has made this type of thrill-seeking much more accessible, and seem much less risky. This perception is just not true. Engaging in an affair – online, offline or otherwise – is fraught with risk and reveals relationship shortcomings that need to be talked out, not acted out. 

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the 2010 NY Times Reader’s Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and children.
 
Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson) Coming Nov 2011 as eBook, Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a Discovery Health documentary titled “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

How to Save the Love of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries… and they said it wouldn’t last!

November 2, 2011 by · Leave a Comment 

Upon the news of the pending divorce between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, Dr. Bonnie Weil weighs on on what may have caused this domino effect of Lust/Love. This is a good example of when the “honeymoan” stage takes and sweeps a person into a different level.  They say parents are better at picking a partner as people get swept away in the new love feeling. When the honeymoon ends, the power struggle begins…  that is the beginning of the end!

“The endorphins from the honeymoon stage have worn off, and what you are left with is reality!  We love the feeling of euphoria and utopia of the honeymoon stage.” says Dr. Bonnie.  A couple must have a good foundation and the tools, in which Dr Bonnie provides with her ground breaking Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue in which have saved 98% of the couples she counsels. Dr. Bonnie teaches her patients that the the bridge to real-life love is stopping along the way to the power struggle stage.  “We always pick a person that gives us the most trouble, so we can grow and become a better person.  The thing that you love about your partner in the beginning you end up hating in the end. It wears on you like chalk on a black board!” Dr. Bonnie sees often in her practice. Smart heart Skills and Dialogue gives you the “know how” to navigate after the heart pounding honeymoon stage to the comfort, safe, real life love stage. “The problem is most don’t hang around long enough to get to the real life love because they don’t believe and know how to do it” says Dr. Bonnie.  “They leave when the going gets rough instead of staying the course.  This is what is wrong with Narcissistic “Greed/Me” generation that we live in.” states Dr. Bonnie. 
 
According to The New York Post http://tinyurl.com/3zojvxx Kris Humphries learned of the divorce filing via TMZ just as the world found out.  “This is the ultimate betrayal finding out via media, it is very hostile way to get back at a person.” quotes Dr. Bonnie.

Dr. Bonnie feels “Kim fell in love with love.  Her biological clock is ticking and she may have felt pressure from the nuptials of her sister Khloe and the baby of sister Kourtney. Love is like the game monopoly. They went to the power struggle stage from honeymoon and did not pass Go.  They jumped out too soon.”  Everybody wants everything now but it is through the struggle that we become stronger and closer, that power struggle is what bonds a couple.  They allowed that struggle to break them instead of strengthen them.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. She was recently honored with the 2011 New York Award in the Physicians category by the USCA “Best of Local Business Award. She is known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader’s Choice award for best dating book 2010, Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a Discovery Health documentary titled “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

Another Reason to Love Marriage: Longevity

August 26, 2011 by · Leave a Comment 

New York, NY…………… If you feel like fixing the car one more time or taking out another load of laundry might kill you – think again. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D, comments on a study revealing that getting married could extend your life for up to 17 years: “In this case, a longer lifespan likely has to do with human touch and interaction. For example, babies can thrive without sight, without smell, even without hearing. But they cannot thrive without being touched.”

 The study published in the American Journal Of Epidemiology shows that single men have a 32 percent higher chance of death across their lifetimes than their married counter parts. This means that they could die eight to 17 years prior to the average married man. Statistics for women are better: they face a life expectancy shortened by about seven to 15 years on average.

The lack of continued attention and affection over a lifetime can manifest in what Dr. Bonnie calls a Bio-chemical Craving for Connection, due to dealing with things like stress, separation and loss. People who experience this craving are more likely to engage in risky behaviors as they seek out a “high” that will mitigate the pain they’ve experienced.

Conversely, people in relationships typically receive a positive type of “high” without even knowing it. “Oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” provides warmth and security,” explains Dr. Bonnie. Love reduces stress and makes a person happy.” Touch is important – we see that much from the start of our lives: infants deprived of affection will literally perish from a syndrome called “failure to thrive”. “Babies can thrive without sight, without smell, even without hearing. But they cannot thrive without being touched,” says Dr. Bonnie Weil. This is something that doesn’t change much over our lifetimes – as adults we still thrive most in affectionate environments.

 Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists. Her book, Make Up Don’t Break Up recently won the New York Times “Relationship Book of the Year” award.

 Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition Feb 2010, including DVD How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity (Making Money Sexy).


Renee Talon, Renee at DoctorBonnie dot com or phone 941-429-8803
Dr. Bonnie has 2 Press Release writers.  Available if anyone would like to speak about our services.