“Forgetting” Valentine’s Day is No Coincidence says Dr. Bonnie

Warning to men: “Forgetting Valentine’s Day is not coincidental” says relationship therapist and adultery expert, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. “It’s an unconscious, destructive, grudge holding, romance wrecker.” Make Valentine’s Day sizzle instead!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD warns couples about how Valentine’s Day can be destructive and can even lead to divorce. It does not have to be, consider Valentine’s day a litmus test for taking the temperature of a marriage or relationship. Wives or girlfriends expect romance magic and sizzle on the most romantic day of the year. Instead, they are extremely disappointed if their husbands or boyfriends “forget” this romantic holiday.

Forgetting Valentine’s Day is “accidentally” on purpose to create drama, a fight, even a breakup, temporary as it may be. It’s a wake-up call, and a cry for help. His behavior is a symptom of unresolved relationship debris. Dr. Bonnie calls it “revenge forgetting” to her patients. The “forgetful” partner may have some resentment or hold a grudge with anger. Maybe he feels taken for granted or hates feeling nagged (brought on by stonewalling or not listening) or demanded upon. He may harbor negative feelings subconsciously, so he redirects this by disappointing her. He displaces his own quiet rage by getting his wife angry.

Some excuses women should never accept are: it’s only a retail holiday, it’s too commercial, every day is Valentine’s Day, restaurants are crowded and too expensive, or florists rip you off. These excuses cause disappointing feelings and are real “romance wreckers.” They set the stage for distance, detachment, and possibly divorce.

Dr. Bonnie teaches SmartHeart skills, as emphasized in Make Up, Don’t Break Up, to help identify a grudge and prevent build up of resentments. Learning how to “fight fair” can increase passion by clearing the air. These “skills” especially help men learn to communicate by appointment instead of walking out of the room during discussions. “Fair fighting” teaches empathy and affection and this increases passion when the offending partner has a time limit for fighting and has permission do so, in short intervals. Examples, performed by real, live couples, can be found in Make Up, Don’t Break Up’s accompanying video, “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples.” Men need many “time outs.” They are allergic to women’s emotionality. With “fair fighting,” men can air their resentments instead of storing them and the conflict works as an aphrodisiac for eventual passion. The power is in getting heard, not getting mad. Letting go of grudges is not about being right or fair, it’s about what works.

If a partner is missing out on Valentine’s day, he is missing out on one of the most romantic days and moments for potential intimacy. Forgetting the holiday is often a recurring pattern, so Dr. Bonnie suggests combating that by encouraging wives and girlfriends to take the initiative. Remind him about the Valentine’s Day, go shopping with him for it, and get him excited about the celebration. To seize the moment, use Dr. Bonnie’s SmartHeart tips from her book “Make Up, Don’t Break Up” and accompanying video “How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples.” Since Valentine’s Day can be used to measure the temperature of a relationship, more often than not, men forgetting Valentine’s Day is a sign of something more. These warning signs can be signs of adultery or the ripening of a relationship for an affair, so heed the warning. Men are not in touch with their feelings and typically hold in these feelings. Men need to be guided as they don’t always know how to feel or what they feel. Most men are “connectable by instruction.” To quote Dr. Jeff Weil, Dr. Bonnie’s husband, “If I knew what I felt, I would tell you, so I welcome your help.” SmartHeart dialogue was born by dialoguing to help Jeff understand what he was feeling and be able to express it. SmartHeart dialogue helps them dig deep with small doses of communication and results in an endorphin high with “play” after the talks.

Kissing is a “Smart Heart” opportunity that emits Oxytocin and releases “feel good” hormones that bond you to your partner and create a feeling of safety. This negates the bad feelings a partner might harbor. If issues remain unresolved, they are a wake up call and a cry for help, so Dr. Bonnie recommends counseling. Romance should be number one priority on your list and it is the first to go when relationship troubles are brewing.

Beyond forgetting Valentine’s year after year, some other signs that he may be secretly harboring a grudge include,: excusing his behavior, minimizing the holiday, putting down his partner for wanting to celebrate, makes fun of the holiday, acting like a Scrooge, pushing partner away, turned off when affection is initiated by the other, leaves early in the day, comes home late, is argumentative, is not talkative around you but is with others, little or no intimacy with partner, “too tired” or uses work to distance themselves, shuts down when approached, stonewalls with silence, denies anything is wrong, does not want to discuss the grudge, or gets moody when asked about it.

To grudge bust,: do not say yes when mean no, watch out for delayed reactions that cause resentment later, stand your ground, don’t cave even if it’s easier, “act as if” even if you don’t “feel” the good feelings, do not do “peace at any price” it leads to war, write letter representing partner’s apology for hurt caused and show your partner the feelings.

For more information on “fighting fair” to fight grudges and SmartHeart skills, enroll in Dr. Bonnies online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Check out her book, winner of NYTimes Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more warning signs and solutions to reach magic in marriage.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin(adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

What’s the Secret to a Good Marriage? Look to Superbowl 51 for Answers

What’s the Secret to a Good Marriage? Look to Superbowl 51 for Answers

Finding the secrets to a good marriage are closer than one might think, just look at the TV screen! Bill Belichick and Tom Brady work together to form an explosive team and their football “marriage” is one to emulate in personal marital relationships.

The secrets to a good marriage are right on the TV screen. Just ask Bill Belichick and Tom Brady! They definitely have one, says football therapist, relationship therapist and author of “Make Up, Don’t Break Up,” Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. Brady has been quoted as giving his coach, Belichick, the control, instead of working against him. This is similar to a functional marriage–you’re on the same team. Dr. Bonnie says it’s the combination of the two together, an “opposites match made in heaven.” Like the couples she sees in her practice, they share control and don’t compete against one another. They complement each other’s strengths, and feed off each other in a good way.

Talking heads, players, and fans on programs like ESPN’s “First Take” and all over the internet and TV debate endlessly over who’s responsible. Who gets the credit? Is it Tom? Is it Belichick? Can one win without the other? As they go to their 7th Superbowl this upcoming Sunday, the magic in their marriage is evident. Will their chemistry and hard work pay off in a victory and a 5th Superbowl title together?

Dr. Bonnie and her husband met Tom Brady in an elevator the day before his first Superbowl against the Rams. In talking to him and hearing his nerves, she used her “SmartHeart” skills, honing in on positive affirmations, to encourage a win (he won!) Dr. Bonnie adds, “in a good marriage, each partner listens to the other which brings validation and respect.” Brady is quoted as saying he listens to Belichick and Belichick respects and listens to Brady. No love can exist with couples if respect is missing. Dr. Bonnie says their winning “opposites” combination is easy to understand. Bill Belichick’s better half is Tom Brady and vice versa. Defensive minded Belichick and offensive guru, Brady, show how opposites attract just like in a marriage, and just like in a marriage, over time, they become more alike than different in how they approach things. They mirror each other. In a marriage, the “hard knocks” make the couple stronger. The same is true for Belichick and Brady, both of whom had to overcome bumps and crashes at the start of their respective careers. Belichick was fired in the beginning of his career and experienced a resurgence as head coach of the Patriots. It was largely Belichick’s trust in a sixth-round draft pick out of Michigan that elevated Brady to his hall of famer status today. This is the best type of “marriage” according to Dr. Bonnie. They keep learning and growing from each other, creating positive vibes that translate to reaching a potential 5th Superbowl win in Superbowl 51! Brady’s secret is not resisting Belichick’s demands, but conforming to them. Just like in a marriage, they have gotten past the “Power Struggle” stage and are in the “Real Life Love” stage that is based on respect and validating one another. It is what is essential in a marriage–letting each other do their own thing without encumberments.

Just like the twosome in a couple, the connection and the relationship between quarterback and coach is the difference between winning or losing a Superbowl, as it filters down to the whole football team. So to answer commentators, players, and fans whether it is Belichick or Brady who wins Superbowls, it’s the marriage between the two of them! It’s the combination as a pair recommitting to each other every game as you do with your partner every day in a marriage.

For more information on reaching real life love and opposites in marriage, enroll in Dr. Bonnies online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success. Check out her book, winner of NY Times Reader’s Choice Award, “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples” for more and SmartHeart Skills and magic in marriage.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Dr. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America’s best therapists, and by New York Magazine as one of New York City’s best therapists and US Commerce association. Manhattan best therapist. Known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of Adultery: The Forgivable Sin (adapted into a Lifetime movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Unfaithful” and A&E on addictions. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN.

Football Playoffs are a Great Time To Score!

This Sunday is one of the best sports days of the year! But, how do you participate in football playoffs when it’s just not your thing? If you can’t beat em join them! A savvy woman knows how much football means to her guy whether married or single. I encourage partners to touchdown during the football playoffs. A nice pillow fight and some tackling after the second quarter is high energy play and will bring endorphins to a full-time high. Adding in a 30 second kiss will also bring on a different rush from oxytocin, the cuddle hormone.

Being intimate during football halftime is a healthy way to connect with your sports lover. The Cleveland Clinic believes a healthy sexual relationship can positively affect all aspects of life. Many women and even men feel neglected when their partner is glued to the television and shows more devotion for Tom Brady than they do to them. However, do not get mad when your partner is engrossed with the game. They will love and appreciate you more by supporting their passion. Here are some of my smart heart tips that will help you get the pom-poms out for the first time in years this playoff season.

Be supportive and stay on the sidelines when the game is in motion. As my husband Jeff says, “A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and football.” Partners should try out some new recipes that will leave their lover’s mouth watering for more than just the seven-layer dip. Coming home with some hot chocolate, which contains PEA–an upper, and some fluffy marshmallows are great aphrodisiacs for touching down.

To really impress your partner, husband or boyfriend, do a little research. Start reading newspapers, Sports Illustrated, playoff feed on Twitter or even download the NFL app to learn more about stats, players and predictions for the next Vince Lombardi Trophy winner. Learning about the game will make him adore you more than enough to remember this year’s Valentine’s day. Sharing football without complaining, that’s a lifetime achievement award.

Remember, football time is no time for talking, especially about serious subjects. Don’t discuss any heavy topics that might instigate an argument that would ruin any chance of a halftime show. Also, competing with the announcer is another football faux pas. Besides all the chanting and swearing, notice that men are usually pretty quiet when a big play is under review. Let there only be one announcer.

For more Smart Heart Tips and Tricks, read “Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples.”

United We Stand

Wishing President Donald Trump luck! Yesterday’s inauguration marked a new beginning–a changing of the guards. Some were excited for the inauguration and others were, and are, nervous. Change is hard for people and the same is true in marriage. Some are better at risk taking than others so this change can cause anxiety and people may be on edge or moody with partners. Use the three P’s: prepare, predict, and prevent.

We need to unite through kindness and empathy to make America great. We need to come together not only as a country, but in our relationships as well. Now is the time to connect and communicate with your partner. Now more than ever, let’s Make Up, Don’t Break Up.

For more on connecting with your partner, join my online course: Marriage and Relationships: The Keys to Success

When the Chill Sets In, Turn Up the Heat

As another cold front passes through the Northeast, couples should use it as an excuse to make some long-lasting winter memories. Not being able to get to scheduled appointments – like work, school, meetings, etc – can be stressful. Instead of getting stressed, use the mandatory down-time to rekindle a spark with their significant other. It can be important to refocus this downtime and feel like it’s being put to good use. Here are a few of the things I recommend to have a winter affair with your own partner:

Mix up a hot drink and then cozy up with each other. Whether it’s hot chocolate or hot toddy, getting warm together doesn’t HAVE to involve sex! Start out with something simple like a drink to warm up and snuggle up together by reading a book, playing a game, or beginning a project.

Let it lead to sex. Studies show that during big storms people usually make love, make babies or fight. Starting by reconnecting with something simple (a book, a game, etc.), can lead to a more intimate conclusion. Make the most of your time indoors, since there’s nowhere else to go, even if you wanted to. Instead of letting obligations cause stress, let go of responsibilities by having an affair with your own partner. I mention this technique in my book, Make up Don’t Break up, where I give couples tools for rekindling romance.

Get outside. That’s right ~ it may be cold but when people don’t have anywhere to be, why not relive the excitement that snow days brought as a kid? These types of opportunities often bring out our inner child, so go with it, get playful and see where it leads. Couples may learn something new about each other, discover something new they can do together (who doesn’t love making snowmen?), and if nothing else, have a good time goofing around together. Recreate the chemicals you experienced when you first fell in love. Take this opportunity to give a 30 second kiss and/or 20 second hug to reconnect and fall back in love.

How Indulging in Cake Could Lead to More this Holiday Season

Adultery is up in epidemic proportions during the holidays because love making has no calories – and everyone is tempted to indulge. Throughout the holiday season, indulging in things like chocolate cake at midnight becomes the norm. That indulgence is stress-busting and self-medicating and these indulgent behaviors can lead to adultery. Sugar highs can result in addictive behavior, releasing what I call “a biochemical craving for connection.” The biochemical craving for connection, which has to do with stress, loss, and separation translate into thrill-seeking, self-medicating and stress-busting addictive behavior. It is similar to the rush that is obtained through drinking alcohol, committing adultery, and financial infidelity – shopping ‘til you drop.

The consumption of sugar in the United States has climbed dramatically every single year, with a steady climb upwards since 1980 according to the U.S.D.A. Additionally, Stephan Guyenet and research partner Jeremy Landen calculated that with over sixty pounds of sweeteners being consumed on average each year per person, the resulting diet of an average American by the year 2606 will be comprised of 100% sugar. Eating too much fructose and glucose can turn off the gene that regulates the levels of active testosterone and estrogen in the body. Sugar, which will turn off that gene, will impede you having an affair your own partner. Instead, you will turn to thrill-seeking with forbidden fruit (not your own partner). Those two statistics combined do not fare well for the intimacy of Americans in the future. Reducing or avoiding all sugar during the holidays is challenging, but may be necessary – especially if you’re prone to temptation.

For more about Dr. Bonnie’s theory on the Biochemical Craving for Connection, watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUuN96_jBqc and read her book, Make Up, Don’t Break Up

Get the Romantic Gift You Want (and Deserve)!

Don’t worry about gift-giving season because you don’t know what you are going to get from your man–tell him! Women need to acknowledge that men cannot read their minds, and that the adage “if he really loved me, he’d know what I wanted without being told,” is not true. My husband, Jeff, tells me that men are more focused on practical useful things. They’re not always thinking of surprise and romance so they need a little help.

To do this, I suggest women go window shopping with their partners and point out things that they like. They could even pick out the gift together. It won’t be a surprise but you also won’t be disappointed or surprised by something you didn’t want! Another option for women who may still want to maintain a bit of mystery: Go shopping and point out a few things they like. Then they can let their partner have the final say and surprise them with a gift under the tree.

This sort of help could even be good for a relationship – men who take cues from their wives when it comes to gifts have happier marriages. On the other hand, when one person assumes the other knows what they want, or thinks they should be able to figure it out, it’s easy to cause fights and create romance wreckers this season.
Even if you get something that wouldn’t have been your first pick, you shouldn’t be critical. Men are afraid of gift-giving rejection, and they may subsequently “forget” important holidays like Christmas, Chanukah, Valentine’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries and other dates because they are fearful that their gift will be rejected. This comes from childhood wounds sustained when trying to please females in their lives like mothers and teachers. Instead of rejection, stay positive. Instead of saying nothing if you like a gift, or explaining why you don’t like it, build up positive reinforcement around the gift. If the gift doesn’t fit right or doesn’t look good, go back together to pick something out so it doesn’t seem like rejection.

In my practice, I see men dealing with infidelity who say that it is easier to get their mistresses presents than it is to get gifts for their wives because they believe their mistresses won’t insult or criticize it. Instead of falling into this trap, you can help your men get it right this holiday, so they can have an affair with you!

See more from me on love, relationships, and adultery in my books: Make Up Don’t Break Up and Adultery the Forgivable Sin.

Tips to Avoid Holiday Party Affair Season!

It’s not something you often hear amidst the holiday cheer, but it is important to be aware and beware during the holiday season. Many affairs begin at office parties. Alcohol releases inhibitions which can perpetuate any sexual chemistry and tension that may already exist between coworkers. Office parties put married employees in harm’s way. Perhaps it is that woman in accounting or that man who works in IT that peaks your interest at the workplace. As the holiday season approaches, the most innocent of office parties can turn into a long list of bad decisions for those who are married. Over 90% of men and women fantasize about a coworker and attending the holiday party becomes a catalyst for extramarital affairs. If you are lonely and attracted to someone in the office, tell your partner that you need more personal attention and that you are starting to develop feelings for a coworker because you miss spending time with them.

It is not an easy task to steer clear of these parties without looking suspicious, so I’ve put together “Do’s and Don’ts” on how to get through the seasonal parties without ruining your marriage. These steps are guaranteed ways to hold the line amid temptation at office parties.

DO Bring your partner! Especially if you find someone in the office attractive, bring your partner to the party. Having that mutual support nearby will assist you with fighting those wandering thoughts and urges. If your partner cannot attend, it is important that you talk about your plans especially around the coworker that you find attractive. Discuss what you will do as a couple or speak about family traditions in order to jog your memory of how significant your marriage is to you throughout the event.

DO Go early to the party – Leave early – Go home alone. If your partner cannot attend the party, this simple mantra will ensure an easy escape from temptation. Typically these parties include alcohol and its effects lower inhibitions which can lead to disastrous decision making. Be sure to arrive early and leave earlier as most parties tend to become uproarious as the day rolls into night once the libations are dispersed. Staying 20 – 30 minutes to show your support for the company’s party is enough time to mingle with coworkers. Most importantly, no matter if the accountant’s car will not start or the IT guy just cannot seem to find his keys, go home alone!
DO Think of your partner three times a day in a positive light during the work hours. Picture the coworker you fantasize ten pounds heavier and ten years older.

DON’T Drink. The mistletoe, alcohol and romance of the season appears to give consent to lose control at office parties and can result in igniting illicit passion. It may not be the “cool thing to do” but it can certainly save you from a world of problems. Enjoy seasonal drinks like egg nog and virgin cocktails. Non-alcoholic beer is also an option, it is socially acceptable, tastes better than ever before and most locations even offer a variety to choose from.

DON’T Dance the Lambada. Avoid dancing too closely with coworkers and keep appropriate space in general while socializing. Do not forget that this is an office party and those human resources rules still apply. A sexual harassment claim filed against you is not how you will want to ring in the New Year at the office.

DON’T Flirt. Flirting during the holiday season can lead to other activities rather quickly – especially under the influence of alcohol. Remain professional, avoid racy jokes, watch your body language and definitely do not meet ANYONE under the mistletoe.

This season can bring forth reminiscent feelings which can spark anxious thoughts and even depression leaving you vulnerable to make terrible decisions. Hold the line against temptation and do not mix business with pleasure at office parties. Be sure you and your partner create sizzle together before and after a holiday party this season — have an affair with your own partner and turn up the heat!!

For more information on how to hold that line and temptation at office parties, be sure to check out Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil’s, Adultery: the Forgivable Sin https://www.amazon.com/Adultery-Forgivable-Bonnie-Eaker-Weil/dp/1935340999/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1480713048&sr=1-1&keywords=adultery+the+forgivable+sin, made into a Lifetime movie starring Kate Jackson; Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery; and also, Make Up, Don’t Break Up – including the downloadable video Falling in Love and Staying in Love. https://www.amazon.com/Make-Up-Dont-Break-Finding-ebook/dp/B01KL6KTMG/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1480384624&sr=1-1&keywords=make+up+dont+break+up

Beware of Financial Infidelity During the Holiday Season!

With Black Friday and Cyber Monday coming to a close, beware of the financial infidelity that can come along with increased opportunities to shop. Whether as a way to keep track of wish lists for a certain store that then make shopping in-person easier with shorter lines; or buying the items directly from mobile sites, more people will be wired in to their devices. This can increase instances of financial infidelity – and make it easier – during an already high-risk time.

I coined Financial Infidelity to describe the financial betrayal that can happen when one or both partners spend money behind the other’s back. It’s a form of infidelity that’s so subtle, people often don’t realize they’re cheating – and it is especially high during the holidays. This is partly due to increased pressure to spend, thanks to days like Black Friday, as well as the desire to find the perfect gift in order to please people. Financial Infidelity is higher around the holidays because there are so many temptations to spend, but if families and couples can go into this season with a game plan for saving money, then everyone wins!
Shopping, whether in person, online, or via a mobile device, and saving money is often like a game. When people get a good deal they feel like they’re winning, and often they are! It’s profitable for people to get great deals on items they would regularly buy at their normal price. Shopping this way during the holiday season can prove to be cost effective. But, as with everything, it should be practiced in moderation, lest it be used as a compulsive way to fill a void.

Utilizing technology to be more efficient and get good deals are great alternatives to other forms of thrill-seeking that tend to emerge around the holidays. However, people need to be careful of the additional pitfalls: People often “shop till they drop” (instead of just shopping for what they need), or turn to cheating to get an unhealthy high. Additionally, mobile shopping can be utilized as a way to hide purchases from significant others, whether it’s an overly extravagant purchase for yourself, or even for a mistress. The dark side of the holiday season is that inhibitions tend to be down, stress levels are up, and people suffering from stress, separation and loss are looking to fill a void. Instead of indulging these feelings, go for healthy highs that have a positive influence.

For more on infidelity – financial and otherwise – check out my book, “Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker”, or “Make Up Don’t Break Up” with a free video download, “Falling in Love and Staying in Love.”

https://www.amazon.com/Financial-Infidelity-Conquering-Relationship-Wrecker-ebook/dp/B0017U3GRG/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

https://www.amazon.com/Make-Up-Dont-Break-Finding-ebook/dp/B01KL6KTMG/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1480384624&sr=1-1&keywords=make+up+dont+break+up

Teaching Empathy to Combat Bullying

Today, on my birthday, I want to talk about something I’m particularly passionate about–something my Mom taught me how to combat tens of years ago: bullying. I spoke with Andrea Peyser at the New York Post about bullying and its effects over the weekend.

Thirty-three percent of kids say they have been a victim of Cyber Bullying in one way or another. Of these, nearly half don’t tell anyone in their off-screen lives about the abuses. It is important that kids understand that Cyber Bullying is just as upsetting as being bullied in real life and it’s just as important to seek help if they’ve fallen prey to that behavior. I first learned about this at the age of 7 when girls in school tried to push me down the stairs. My mom taught me about the value of extending an olive branch and forgiveness. These kinds of experiences with bullying and cyber bullying can be irreparable to an adolescent’s self esteem. At adolescence, you are trying to form your own identity and peers can be more important than family. We need to teach children empathy. That is why I am an advocate of preventative orientations in colleges, high schools,and grammar schools. We need to teach kids not to be cruel from the beginning. Put them in the shoes of someone they might be criticizing or gossiping about. With kids communicating electronically, reactions to comments are not seen. Therefore, a child may not develop healthy communication skills. This is where the parent comes in.

There is a more than 50 percent chance that parents don’t know what is going on in their children’s online lives—yet more than half of the kids recognized that cyber bullying is as bad or worse than bullying in real life. Cyber Bullying also remains a problem for many teens, a quarter of whom say they would not know what to do if they were bullied online. Cyber Bullying is more serious than person-to-person taunting. The threats can be more vicious, and there is more shame involved. Because more people are exposed, Cyber Bullying leads to humiliation on a global level, leaving the victim feeling attacked and vulnerable. Kids can be exceedingly cruel. We need peer acceptance. Nobody likes to be humiliated and be made a spectacle. Schools need to take more of a stance on this and something should be done. It’s unacceptable that somebody treats somebody differently to make themselves feel better.

Learn more about parenting and relationships in my my best selling book: Make Up, Don’t Break Up! and my online education to-go course, Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success.

Social media & sharing icons powered by UltimatelySocial