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Are your “Ghosts” (Blasts from your Past) impeding your present relationship?

Posted by on June 29, 2023 · Leave a Comment 

Are your “Ghosts” (Blasts from your Past) impeding your present relationship or ability to move on to start anew?

For Singles, Separated, or even Married: Maybe you need to go back to the “scene of the crime”, so to speak so you can “remember to forget”. This proper “goodbye” and explanation may help with what REALLY went down so you stop blaming yourself or “mind reading”. You may be able to separate your issues and his or her’s so you can piggyback off this information to do it DIFFERENTLY the next time! After all Love is letting go of fear. It’s hard to do that when you don’t really understand the dynamics of the previous breakup. This can create a lack of confidence or trust on your part, which can also spook your new or potential partner, or have you misread the signals of “interest”. Reconnect to people you “let go” as a bridge to new connections. You may even have to SEE some of them to properly disconnect.

Dr Bonnie’s SmartHeart Dialogue :

  1. If you are in a present relationship: Red Alert: Make sure you inform, explain and get PERMISSION from the person you are dating or in a relationship with so they are not threatened or blind sighted and see the value for your present relationship!
  2. Example of tried and true Dialogue: to your present partner or future to “hopefully be partner”.
  3. “I seem to be stuck with my last good-bye” in a prior relationship. I do not really know why it ended or my part in the demise. Since I may be blaming myself or my past partner, it seems to be impeding and negatively piggybacking in my ability to be “all in with you”. I really like you, and want to move forward with us. I will call or email my ex to see if he or she is willing to give answers so I can let go and move towards you. Thank you for understanding. If you ever feel uncomfortable or threatened please dialogue with me immediately.

From “Makeup Don’t Break Up”: page 175: Smart Heart Insights; Dealing With Ghosts: Chapter 13: Reconnecting with your family: Going Home Again.
Purchase Make Up Don’t Break Up by Bonnie Eaker-Weil, PhD from

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is a renowned international relationship therapist and owner of a NYC private practice, with over 35 years of experience. She specializes in issues related to families, dating, marriage, and infidelity. She developed a theory for addiction called the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection. She is a five-time award winner as New York City’s Best Therapist. Dr. Bonnie is the author of 5 books including best seller and NY Times Readers’ Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.”  Her book “Adultery: The Forgivable Sin” was turned into the Lifetime movie, “Silence of Adultery.”

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a 3 day series on The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show 5 times and received Best of Oprah in May 2013.  She frequently appears on CNN, CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox News and Good Morning America. She has also been featured many times in USA Today, Men’s Health, The New York Times, and Cosmopolitan. Dr. Bonnie also teaches an Education 2 Go Course on “Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success.

Dr. Bonnie is also available for phone therapy. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.

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Define the Currency of your Relationship

Posted by on June 15, 2023 · Leave a Comment 

Define the Currency of your Relationship

Questions from Dr Bonnie:

  1. Are you putting your money FIRST, perhaps it’s a stand-in for love?
  2. Are you allowing money to define the Currency of your relationship?

Put Money in its Place
Don’t wither in a relationship struggling over money, when what you both need is the love to help you find the courage and belief, to get through tough times.

  1. See the Importance of agreeing to put money in its place, in order to reclaim your relationship, and reconnect to each other.
  2. Make each other more important. Ask each other on a REGULAR basis, using money Smart Heart dialogue, these questions to assess whether money is taking control of the relationship.
    a. Do I love my partner the way my partner wants to be loved? Does money play into that? In what way? And visa versa.
    b. Am I or my partner using money to show love, rather than sharing physical and emotional intimacy?
    c. Am I happy in this relationship each day? Is my partner happy each day in this relationship?
    d. Am I or my partner using money to feel happier?

Smart Heart Dialogue from a partner:

“Love is more important than money. I don’t know what I was thinking when I chose to neglect you in favor of work. There are many jobs but there is only one you! Thank you for coming into my life, and being YOU.”

Smart Heart Saavy:
Do what works, not just what seems fair. Prioritize and cherish connection over money, that’s what works!

From Financial Infidelity, Chapter 5, Pg. 208

Purchase Financial Infidelity by Bonnie Eaker-Weil, PhD from

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is a renowned international relationship therapist and owner of a NYC private practice, with over 35 years of experience. She specializes in issues related to families, dating, marriage, and infidelity. She developed a theory for addiction called the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection. She is a five-time award winner as New York City’s Best Therapist. Dr. Bonnie is the author of 5 books including best seller and NY Times Readers’ Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.”  Her book “Adultery: The Forgivable Sin” was turned into the Lifetime movie, “Silence of Adultery.”

Dr. Bonnie has appeared on a 3 day series on The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show5 times and received Best of Oprah in May 2013.  She frequently appears on CNN, CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox News and Good Morning America. She has also been featured many times in USA Today, Men’s Health, The New York Times, and Cosmopolitan. Dr. Bonnie also teaches an Education 2 Go Course on “Marriage and Relationships: Keys to Success.

Dr. Bonnie is also available for phone therapy. Call 212-606-3787 for more details and to schedule an appointment with Dr. Bonnie.
Copyright © 2023 Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, All rights reserved.

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Invest in your Future: Be Proactive!

Posted by on June 1, 2023 · Leave a Comment 

Invest in your Future: Be Proactive!

Are you a spender or a withholder? Do my Financial Infidelity exercise and find out!

Smart Heart Dialogue: Be Preemptive – Use this BEFORE the wedding, engagement, big anniversary, the big vacation, the Bar Mitzvah, or Sweet Sixteen or looking for colleges.

Dr. Bonnie’s SmartHeart tips to combat and neutralize that “Opposites Attract” (yes even with money)!

  1. Learning how to SAFELY communicate through the Smartheart money love language. This helps you and your partner or potential partner both work out your emotional and “generational” baggage.
  2. See this as a challenging but albeit .. a Gratifying Journey! You will have accepted and valued your DIFFERENCES re: money. (Opposites attract especially when it comes to money, the no. 1 relationship wrecker). See the intricate value of those differences!
    My patient a SAVER, married a SPENDER and together, oh yes, they are living happily ever after… neutralizing each other — the spender cut back, the saver “lived a little” and yes it increased their passion (from their differences) and reduced their worries and power struggles about money!
  3. Use SmartHeart skills and dialogue to wake you up to the fact that problems and challenges regarding money are not reasons to quit – to NOT stop your relationship (even if it just started) or if married a long time or thinking of living together or thinking of embarking on marriage).
  4. Money differences like any differences offer an opportunity to grow closer
    Why? The intimacy becomes deeper, passion greater, with precise “specific” communication with smart heart tools and dialogue.

SmartHeart Dialogue: Be Smart Heart Saavy BEFORE money becomes REAL problems.

Couple after engagement. She asks her fiancé: Can I have an appointment with you for 10 minutes? What time works for you?
He: How about now to dialogue together. Let’s keep it at 10 minute intervals with timeouts.
She: We need to figure out how much we want to spend on our wedding, what my parents should contribute, what your parents want to give.
He: How about we invite our parents over and use the Smartheart dialogue using empathy and clarity for each family’s responsibility.

Remember to tell each other your “scripts” or vision and discuss “differences” re money or otherwise with kindness and respect by appointment, with permission and time limited.
From Financial Infidelity by Dr Bonnie Eaker Weil. Pages 247, 248 including Dr. Bonnie’s SmartHeart Cheat Sheet Exercise to understand you and your partner’s triggers regarding money.

Purchase Financial Infidelity by Bonnie Eaker-Weil, PhD fromDr. Bonnie Eaker Weil is a renowned international relationship therapist and owner of a NYC private practice, with over 35 years of experience. She specializes in issues related to families, dating, marriage, and infidelity. She developed a theory for addiction called the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection. She is a five-time award winner as New York City’s Best Therapist. Dr. Bonnie is the author of 5 books including best seller and NY Times Readers’ Choice Award winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (including online video: How to Fall in Love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples), Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Seven Steps to Conquering the #1 Relationship Wrecker.”  Her book “Adultery: The Forgivable Sin” was turned into the Lifetime movie, “Silence of Adultery.”

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